Page 33 of Shadowing My Dreams
“And… You two are so good together.”
“We’re… talking. I don’t know, man. When did you decide to be the matchmaking fairy?”
“I guess today. I like Maurice. He’s a good guy and he makes you even better than you already are, D. I just want you to be happy, and you’re happy when you’re with Maurice.”
“I know. But that’s not the way it is right now. Maybe someday, when he works through his feelings of inadequacy and abandonment. It’s not now, though, Jack. I’m not giving up on him, though. Not yet.”
“Promise?”
“What the fuck is up with you? Are you possessed?”
“Maybe?” I shrugged and giggled. “I like him.”
“You’re in love with the ghost? Dude? What?”
“Not the ghost, dumbass, though he’s actually ok. I don’t mind him as much anymore. He’s kind of funny.”
“You’re talking to the ghost?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, Arch is helping me. We’re trying to find a way to release him into the wild, I guess.”
“I am so fucking confused right now.”
“So much has happened since you left. But we can talk about that later. I want to talk about Archie.”
“You’re into the ghost guy? I am a little surprised by that, to be honest. I wouldn’t say he was usually your type.”
“I had a type?”
“He’s cute, I’ll give you that. But you usually liked hard-bodied twinks that we’re looking for a good time and nothing more. That does not seem like Archie.”
“It’s not.”
“I mean, I only met him when I brought him to you, but he seems like a good guy – nice and compassionate. Someone that you could easily break if you weren’t careful.”
“You think he’s too nice for me?”
“I think that he’s probably more fragile than most of the guys you destroyed. Remember that one guy who followed you around after you ruined him for other men, apparently? He annoyed you so much that you finally had to tell him that it wasn’t serious and you didn’t want it to happen again. I still remember his face after you told him.”
“I know. I… I don’t want to be that person, D. I want… I don’t know but something has changed in me, you know? I don’t want to be that person just looking for a quick fuck and nothing more. Archie is amazing and I think I’m totally falling in serious like for him – with him.”
“Be careful. He seemed like a very nice boy, and nice boys can get hurt easily.”
“You don’t think I’m worthy of him?”
“What? I never said that. You’ve always been worthy, J. You just haven’t always been careful. Do you know what I mean? Thinking of other people’s feelings wasn’t one of your strongest suits, man. You’re not mean or even selfish – you just weren’t always thoughtful of how your actions affected others.”
I hung my head and let his words wash over me. “I know. I realized something during this whole ghost thing. I’m a lot like Isaac in many ways.”
“Who is Isaac.”
“The ghost.”
“Oh, well, that explains everything.”
“I’m lonely, Daveed. I have been for a very long time, and I never took the time to understand why I wasn’t content – happy, even. I was just trying to fill a hole that had been there for too long. Arch makes me feel seen and needed. He makes me want to be a part of something bigger than just myself.”
“Good.”
