Page 17 of Hearts of Resistance
Sophia walked down the road later that day, liking the freedom of taking her time and making her own way to the house from the train station. Their estate wasn’t far – it had taken her only half an hour of walking in the sunshine, and she’d enjoyed soaking up the sun as she strolled. With everything that was happening, sometimes it was the simple act of being alone in the fresh air that let her clear her mind. She smiled, thinking about her mother; it had been hard being parted, and for some reason her mother had become reluctant to leave the countryside, so it had been a long time since she’d come to Sophia’s apartment in Berlin.
She started up the driveway, her forehead slightly clammy from her stroll in the sun. It was moments like this that she felt alive, could imagine living in a world that was free of the evil she was so tired of seeing with her own eyes. She remembered the first time she’d come home to visit, when she’d first begun studying at university in the city.
‘Sophia,’ her mother said, a warm hand touching her daughter’s shoulder before stroking her long blonde hair. ‘It’s so good to have you home.’
Sophia turned and smiled at her mother.She still remembered how elegant she’d looked with her hair falling over her shoulder. Her father had always called her his beautiful French wife, so proud of her, and Sophia had always hoped she shared some of her mother’s elegance.
‘Is Father well?’ Sophia asked. She’d been staying in Berlin with her aunt at the time and wondered how in her absence her mother had become so thin, her cheeks so hollow.
‘Of course,’ her mother replied. ‘Your father is happy supporting our wonderful Führer.’
Sophia heard the sarcasm in her tone. ‘You can’t talk like that,’ she whispered, keeping one hand on her mother’s arm. ‘You need to be more careful.’
Her father had never raised a hand to her, had always been so kind to both her and her mother, but now everything had changed. He had sworn to put his country before his family, and that meant abiding by everything their leader believed in, no matter what his wife’s private thoughts might be.
‘I am careful. It’s only with you that I let my guard down.’ Her mother took her hand. ‘Can I let my guard down with you, Sophia?’
‘What’s wrong, Mama?’ Sophia asked as her mother took her hand, stroking her thumb across her skin.
‘We must never forget what’s in our hearts,’ her mother said in a low voice. ‘Do whatever you have to do to survive, I will never judge you for saving yourself, but don’t ever lose faith in who you really are.’
Sophia gulped. She knew what she was being told because she’d always known that her mother didn’t agree with her father’s unwavering allegiance to the Nazi Party. It wasn’t that her mother had ever said it outright before, but Sophia had seen her look away, seen her shudder as if her skin was crawling, watched as she had mumbled when before she would have spoken her opinions loudly for all to hear.
‘Does Father know?’ she asked. ‘How you feel? What you think?’
‘No.’ Her mother shook her head. ‘Of course not.’
‘So all those times, all those parties we’ve had here and all the times you’ve smiled and been the hostess and ...’ Sophia could see her mother, dressed in beautiful gowns and dripping in jewels, laughing and smiling, kissing Goebbels on the cheek, blowing kisses to Adolf Hitler’s portrait when she was in front of a crowd. All for show. She’d always wondered, and now she knew for sure.
‘Mama?’
Her mother was blinking away tears and she gripped Sophia’s hand more tightly. ‘I’m telling you this because I gave all our servants the morning off and your father isn’t here. We must never, ever talk of this again, Sophia, but I needed you to know how I feel. Do you understand?’
Sophia’s hand shook as she took it from her mother’s, so she quickly wrapped both arms around her, holding her tight. Her mother was everything to her. Her friends had been raised by their nannies, comforted by someone other than their own mother, but not Sophia. She was her mother’s only daughter, and she had seen how kind-hearted she was, how caring, on a first-hand basis all her life. Of course she didn’t believe in stripping their Jewish friends of their citizenship, their businesses and their homes! So many of their friends, families she’d known since she was a girl, had disappeared now, fleeing for France or wherever else they could escape to.
‘What’s happening to them? What have the Nazis turned us all into?’ Sophia whispered. ‘How can they be so cruel to other humans?’
‘It’s happened ever since man was created,’ her mother replied. ‘And it will continue to happen until people are brave enough to stand up for what they believe in, no matter what the consequences.’
‘I saw a sign, in a coffee shop in the city. It said “Jews Forbidden”,’ Sophia whispered, choking on the words. ‘I was standing there staring at it, and someone muttered as they passed about it being high time that they kept them out. Then another street over, the Jewish shops were vandalised, the shopkeepers’ goods set alight in the street like a fun bonfire.’
‘What did you do?’
Sophia folded her hands into her lap and dug her fingernails into her palms. ‘I said nothing,’ she admitted. ‘I wanted to scream at them and hit someone, but I swallowed it down and said nothing. I watched’ – she sucked back a breath, blinking away tears – ‘and did absolutely nothing.’
‘Good,’ her mother praised.
‘Good? I was a coward!’ she muttered, meeting her mother’s gaze. ‘I wanted to stop it, I wanted to do something, but ...’
‘But you can’t. Not yet.’ She watched her mother’s shoulders rise then fall. ‘You are no good to anyone dead or in prison, and that’s what would happen to both of us if anyone knew we didn’t support the Nazi Party and Hitler.’
‘I would have shot them, Mama,’ she said, tears that she refused to let fall burning in her eyes. ‘If I’d had a gun, I would have shot them simply for laughing like that. For thinking it’s normal for men in uniform to treat other people this way!’
‘They are hypnotised by that little man,’ her mother said quietly. ‘I’ve seen it time and again, the way their eyes glaze over and their brains become foggy as they salute him and absorb his words. He is good at talking, I’ll give him that.’
They sat in silence, the only noise the chirp of birdsong outside the window.
‘Is it wrong that I still love Father so much? Even though he is a part of this?’
