Page 21 of Hearts of Resistance
She gulped, her heart starting to race though she tried to stay calm. ‘What are the odds?’ she forced herself to ask.
‘It’s a fifty-fifty chance,’ he said. ‘I’m not going to sugarcoat the probability of any of our field agents’ making it back safely.’
‘I see,’ she replied, not sure what else she possibly could say.
‘These are clandestine operations, and you would be in the thick of it, for the sake of a better description. Your language skills are what make you most attractive to us, and the fact that you have already spent time immersed in the culture. That indicates to us that you would fit in easily, that you wouldn’t be caught out simply for not being a Frenchwoman if you were undercover there.’
‘Am I being offered the position then?’ she asked, folding her hands tightly in her lap to avoid them shaking so obviously.
‘If we proceed, you will receive training, and then you will most likely be sent immediately to France on your first mission. We cannot discuss the work you will do until that time, but you must know that it will be dangerous work, and that your ability to converse in French, pass information along and work closely with other individuals will be imperative to the missions. My instinct is that you’ll be most useful to us as a radio operator in the field.’
Hazel understood. It would be risky, but it was also important work, and if she said no, then she was hardly doing the best by her country or those she loved.
‘I want to do whatever I can, no matter how dangerous the work is,’ she said, sounding far more confident than she felt. ‘I won’t let you down.’
‘If you are captured in France, the Germans will not treat you well for the mere fact you are a woman. I need you to understand that.’
She gulped. ‘I understand.’
‘You could be captured, tortured and killed,’ he said bluntly. ‘I’m not going to tell you otherwise, because we need men and women committed to the cause and prepared for anything. You are free to leave at any stage, which is why we don’t want you proceeding if you don’t understand from the outset what you’re putting yourself forward for. You must fully appreciate the dangers at play here.’
‘I understand,’ she managed, finding the words hard to get out.
‘Then take the night to sleep on it. Go home and rest, consider the position you would be putting yourself in,’ Smith said. ‘But this is a decision for you to make alone. No one is to know of this, of anything that we’ve discussed. Do you understand?’
She answered without hesitation. ‘I do.’
‘We will meet here again tomorrow at the same time. You must volunteer to work for us, and once you’ve done that, you’ll be recruited immediately.’
Hazel took a deep breath. ‘Thank you, sir. I appreciate your confidence in me and I won’t let you down.’
He nodded and rose, then opened the door and stood back. Just like that, their meeting was over and she was left to think about what she was supposed to do. She wanted to help, of course she did, and she hadn’t been lying about being prepared to do whatever she had to. So many men had given their lives already to this war, and if she could do something to make a difference, then didn’t she owe it to her country to do so?
Now, there was not a doubt in her mind that she would be volunteering for this position, one she wouldn’t even believe could have been offered to her if she hadn’t heard it with her own ears. She pushed away thoughts of her parents, or John or her mother-in-law. She didn’t need their permission to do this. Women were doing amazing things while their men were away, and she wasn’t married yet, which meant her decisions were her own to make. And what decision could be more important and selfless than one to help their allies? If she could put her French to good use, then she would. And she wasn’t going to let anyone stop her.
There was only one sentence that kept playing in her mind.Fifty-fifty.He’d said there was a fifty-fifty chance of not coming back. She gulped and steeled her jaw, head held high. She didn’t know what she’d expected, but having as much of a chance of coming home as not making it wasn’t something she’d ever truly thought about. Still, it didn’t change her mind. It couldn’t. Because they were at war. And war meant taking chances and facing the prospect of life never being the same again.
She turned back around and knocked firmly on the door. When Smith opened it, she smiled at him. ‘Turns out I don’t need the night to think about it. This is me volunteering,’ she said firmly.
He nodded, not looking at all surprised. ‘Welcome to the SOE.’
Hazel bit the inside of her mouth as she tried not to smile. Before the war, most of her family had expected nothing from her other than to become a good wife and be able to hold good conversations. It was why her mother had been so interested in sending her to France. Little did her parents know that one day they’d come to regret that decision, because she knew they wouldn’t approve at all of what she was offering to do.
‘So I’m in?’ she asked. ‘This is actually happening?’
He stood and offered her his hand. She stared at him for a moment before following his lead, placing her palm to his. ‘Yes, Hazel, you’re in. So long as you pass the training, which I’m confident you will, you’ll be putting your skills to use in the field.’
She could hardly believe it.
‘I wish you the best of luck,’ Smith said, releasing her hand. ‘You’re doing your country a great service, and once this war is over, your assistance will always be remembered.’
Hazel beamed. ‘You never told me what to tell my family.’ It was the only thing she was worried about, because she had to tell them something, couldn’t simply disappear in the dead of night, and she had to tell John’s family something, too.
‘To be honest, the less anyone close to you, including your immediate family, knows, the better. If they’re ever questioned it would be better for everyone involved if they didn’t know a thing.’
Hazel gulped. The weight of her decision was suddenly heavy on her shoulders. He still hadn’t told her what to say; instead he’d told her what not to say.
‘I understand,’ she replied, her confidence slowly draining out of her.
