Page 44 of The Spitfire Girls
She shook her head. ‘No, I’m fine, I just ...’
May frowned and touched her shoulder. ‘Liz, what’s going on?’
Lizzie tried to speak, but her words choked in her throat and all that came out was a big sob.
‘Oh dear, Lizzie,’ May said, presenting her with a handkerchief and patting her shoulder.
‘I’m sorry, I just ... I can’t seem to get my head straight today.’
‘I know how hard it must have been for you to accept my decision,’ said May, her voice soft.
‘It’s not that. I mean it is,’ Lizzie managed to say. ‘I’m actually happy for Ruby, honestly. She deserves that flight, and you and Montgomery were right about me. I was acting like the only thing that mattered was my personal success, instead of realising that everything we do is for the war effort. You’ve all lost so much, and it’s easy for me to pretend like this is just a big adventure.’
May smiled. ‘I can’t tell you how good it is to hear you say that, Lizzie. And I overheard some of what you said to Ruby earlier. I’m proud of you.’
‘All I ever wanted was to show my daddy that I was the son he never had, that I was as good as any man, that I could achieve what he’d achieved in the Great War,’ Lizzie shared. ‘It sounds shallow now, but it’s true.’
‘It’s all in the past, Lizzie,’ May said. ‘I’ll be proud to have you second up after Ruby if all goes well today. Heaven knows we have more Halifaxes to ferry than we have pilots.’
Lizzie exhaled in relief. When Jackson had dismissed her, she truly hadn’t known if she’d been dismissed from training altogether.
‘Anything you want me to do, I’m here for you,’ she said honestly. ‘And feel free to give me a good kick up the backside if I go back to the old version of me, okay?’
May laughed. ‘Roger that.’ She paused. ‘I actually came to tell you that I received word from the US ambassador today.’
‘What did he have to say?’
‘Exactly what Jackson told us. The First Lady’s visit is confirmed, and we’re to meet with her at White Waltham.’
‘That’s great,’ Lizzie said, although she was feeling nervous. She’d hoped to be telling Eleanor that she was the first bomber girl, and she hated to think she might have disappointed her. ‘I still can’t believe Montgomery didn’t tell me earlier, though.’
May said nothing for a second. ‘Lizzie ... There’s something else you weren’t told, too.’ She met Lizzie’s eyes, her expression pained.
‘What? What is it?’ Lizzie demanded.
May cleared her throat. ‘The ambassador also said that ...’ She hesitated. ‘That a women’s flying squadron has been established in your absence.’
Lizzie opened her mouth to reply, but nothing come out. Her skin went cold, her throat dry. It couldn’t be true. There must have been a mistake.
‘He said it was a plane-delivery service, but I don’t know any other details.’
‘The bastards,’ Lizzie swore, standing up and kicking at her chair. ‘The bloody bastards!’
She’d come here, she’d done what they’d asked of her, she’d brought her best pilots with her, and they’d gone and established a women’s flying squadron without consulting her or asking her to head it? Was this to punish her for something? WasMontgomeryinvolved? Had he said she wasn’t capable? She began to shake. She could cope with Ruby getting the first flight; she could live with that. But this? It was unimaginable!
‘Can I offer you some words of advice before you do something impulsive?’ said May, reaching for her hands.
Lizzie just stared back, seething.
‘Use this information wisely, and demand to take over as head of the programme. Lord only knows you deserve it, and you’ve more than proven yourself to me now,’ May said. ‘But show them the Lizzie we all know you can be, the Lizzie I’ve just seen today. Don’t make contact with anyone in a state of anger or shock. I want you to carefully think this through. I want you to be the leader and pilot that I believe you can be.’
Lizzie could hardly breathe. Had she done this to herself? Had she been so caught up in her own ambitions that she’d lost the role that was supposed to be hers? ‘They’ve forgotten about me. They’ve actually forgotten all about me, haven’t they? And here I was thinking I was proving myself and waiting patiently to be called back.’ She gulped. ‘Either that or I’ve blown it.’
May folded her arms across her chest. ‘Well, remind them exactly who you are then, but do it the right way. They won’t forget you a second time. But watch your words.’
Lizzie clenched her hands into fists to stop them shaking. ‘Oh, I will, don’t you worry.’
‘Going back to the task at hand, though, I’ll need you to take a temporary back seat on the four-engine bombers over the next week or so – all of you, actually,’ May said. ‘It’s a logistical nightmare, but we’re in a hurry to get as many Spitfires as we can to Malta, and I’ll need all hands on deck.’
