Page 34 of The Girls of Pearl Harbor
‘Come and have something to eat,’ someone said gently to her, taking her arm.
Grace looked at the person and saw it was their matron. She opened her mouth, wanting to say that she was happy to see her, but instead the second she moved, her legs collapsed, and she fell to the ground.
Arms went around her; Grace didn’t even know who they belonged to, and she didn’t care. All the tears she’d been holding back since April had found her and put her back to work—all the thoughts, the emotions—just bubbled through her, her sobs so loud and guttural they were animallike. As she cried, not even caring, not trying to stop, she heard wails around her, gasps and tears that had no doubt been kept in check just like hers had. But now that they’d been given permission to stop working, to justbefor a short while, they were all falling apart.
‘Grace?’
She heard April’s familiar soft voice and looked up, wondering how her sister always managed to find her whenever she needed her. Somehow her big sister was also incredibly capable at holding herself together, and right now she appeared as calm and capable as ever. As if nothing had happened, as if their best friend hadn’t just been gunned down.
‘Don’t you care?’ Grace choked out the words as April stared down at her.
‘Care? About what?’ April asked as she stroked hair from Grace’s damp forehead. ‘About our patients?’
Grace pulled back, wiping her own forehead. ‘Poppy,’ she choked out. ‘You’re acting like our best friend hasn’t just died in front of us; you’re not even crying.’ She hurled the words at her, regretting them the instant they left her lips as the room fell silent and April stared back at her, stunned as if she’d slapped her across the face. ‘How can you just keep acting like normal?’ she whispered.
‘Grace, of course I care. Poppy was my best friend too,’ April said, and Grace saw tears swimming in her sister’s gaze then. ‘All of us, we’ve all lost something today, or someone. I’ll forgive you since we’re all so tired and ...’
‘I just want to see you cry,’ Grace said, wiping her cheeks. ‘I want to know that you actually feel something. Just for once.’
It was cruel—she knew she was lashing out at her sister—but she couldn’t help it. How could anyone hold it together like that? How could April just deal with their mother dying, with Poppy dying, with everything, as if it were nothing?
‘Don’t you dare,’ April said, standing up and glaring down at her. ‘All I’ve ever done is love you and try to shield you from pain. I’ve taken all that pain in, and I’ve suffered on my own with no one to holdme, so don’t you ever say that I don’t care.’
Her sister’s voice was quiet and rasping, but Grace knew she’d hurt her. She opened her mouth, knowing she needed to say sorry, but the words never came. If Poppy was gone, if it was truly just the two of them, then she needed to grow up and stop being so impulsive. April would be hurting, too, and it wasn’t fair to take it out on her.
‘There’s a broadcast again,’ someone said. ‘Listen.’
Someone else was passing around hot cups of coffee, and Grace took one, huddling into the corner again and pressing her back against the wall. She hated the way she’d just spoken to April, seeing tears prick in her sister’s eyes, seeing the pain on her face. She buried her face in her hand, sobbing again. Why had she been so cruel? April was right. She’d always looked after her—she didn’t need to be told that—so why had she lashed out at her? Why did she need toseeher hurting? Why did it make her feel better to see her pain? She wished for Poppy. Poppy would know how to make things right; she always did. It was always Poppy in the middle, almost as referee, and now she was ... Grace squeezed her eyes shut even tighter.Gone.
‘How many men have lost limbs today?’ she heard one of the nurses ask.
‘I don’t know, but I think the burns are almost worse than the limb amputations,’ said another.
Grace clasped her cup tight, wishing she could put her hands over her ears. She didn’t want to hear it. She couldn’t stand to think of all the wounded, of all the lives lost. All she wanted was to see Teddy, to find out what had happened, to find out if he knew anything about Eva and the ships in the harbor.
‘It’s the president!’ someone announced as the radio crackled and a hush fell over the room.
The only movement was from two nurses passing around huge bowls of fried chicken. She saw April glance at her and quickly looked away, taking a piece of chicken even though the smell of it made her feel queasy.
‘We are now in this war! We are all in it, all the way! Every single man, woman, and child is a partner in the most tremendous undertaking of our American history. We must share together, the bad news and the good news, the defeats and the victories, the changing fortunes of the war!’
Grace chewed her chicken, forcing it down as she listened to President Roosevelt speak. She glanced at the clock on the wall, wondering how so much time had passed. It had been more than twenty-four hours since the attack, more than a day since Poppy had died, and she hadn’t even realized. She shuddered, making herself keep eating, trying to push the haunting images in her mind away again. With the blackout curtains up everywhere and the nurses and doctors all using blue lights to see, it had been impossible to know what time of day or night it was. But it still surprised her how long they’d all been awake, without food or water, and after such a trauma.
She listened to Roosevelt’s clear voice as he continued to speak.
‘So we are going to win the war, and we are going to win the peace that follows!’
He sounded so self-assured, so confident that they were going to win, when they had barely been in it for a day. But if the Japanese had managed a surprise attack once ... she shuddered and found it almost impossible to swallow her final mouthful.
‘Has there been any news from Hickam?’
Grace’s ears pricked at the mention of Hickam, and she shuffled closer to April. Her sister gave her a look that was difficult to interpret, but she didn’t move away. April would be as anxious to know that Teddy was safe as she was.
‘Nothing from Hickam, but there have been unconfirmed reports that the USSSolacehas been seen looking unscathed.’
‘No, there’s been word!’ someone called out. Grace watched as a nurse stood and cleared her throat. ‘There are reports that many of the men stationed at Hickam Field died in their beds. Many of them were still asleep when it happened.’
A collective gasp echoed through the room, and Grace dug her nails hard into her palms. Teddy might be all right still. He wasn’t there when it was hit; he was with them—he’d been with her only ... she couldn’t even remember. Thirty hours ago? She suddenly thought of Eva, remembered her talking about her fiancé. Hadn’t he been at Hickam Field? She was certain he was at the same base as Teddy. But she didn’t even know if Eva was alive, let alone her Charlie.
