Page 40 of The Girls of Pearl Harbor
Her tears were trapped inside of her, along with the scream she wanted to bellow out at the top of her lungs. Instead it just kept echoing in her head, along with the roaring sound, making her feel like a prisoner in her own body.
‘I miss you so much, Poppy,’ Grace whispered beside her. ‘You were my best friend, the one person in the world who always made me smile.’
Eva looked up as Teddy put an arm back around Grace, drawing her close, and she remembered how warm and safe she’d felt in Teddy’s arms herself when he’d broken the news to her about Charlie.
‘We thought we were having the adventure of a lifetime here, didn’t we, Pops?’ April said, blowing her candle out and walking toward the ocean to throw a pretty flower into the water. ‘I’ll never forget you, my beautiful friend.’
Teddy cleared his throat and stepped forward, shoving his hands into his trouser pockets. ‘She would have loved this,’ he said.
Grace made a snorting noise. ‘She would have hated this! The flowers and candles she would have approved of, but not all the tears and small talk. She would want us to be drinking and raising our glasses to her, or playing music and dancing.’
April laughed, which made Grace and Teddy laugh too. It was so inappropriate it was funny, but Eva couldn’t manage to crack a smile as she watched them.
‘You’re right. She would have told us to smile and have some fun, wouldn’t she?’
Eva stared out at the white flower April had thrown. It was bobbing away on the water now, slowly making its way farther out into the ocean. The same ocean that only days earlier had been alive with the horrors of war, with men bobbing around and fighting to stay alive instead of a pretty flower with petals the color of clouds.
‘Is there anything you’d like to say?’ April asked, interrupting Eva’s thoughts with a gentle hand to her shoulder. ‘About your Charlie?’
Eva stared at the ocean for a moment, before shutting her eyes, which were burning so intensely it was almost painful to see through them.
‘No.’
What was she supposed to say? She’d loved Charlie with all her heart; they’d been best friends before they’d fallen in love, and she’d loved him because he was determined to protect her when no one else even knew how much pain she was in. What she suffered on a daily or weekly basis.
Without him, she would be going home to her father—a man who loved reminding her how useless she was, what a disappointment she was, and what an easy target she was for his fists. A man who’d laughed when Charlie had said he was going to marry her. A man who’d thrown her out and told her never to come back. And if she didn’t go home, where would she go?
His cruel words echoed in her head, so hard to ignore as the memories played over and over through her mind.
‘You think that a man wants anything more from you than a quick roll in the hay?’ He laughed. ‘Think again, sweetheart. No one wants you.’
She lifted her gaze, knowing it was going to come with punishment but no longer caring.
‘You’re wrong.’
He hated the taunt, hated that she’d dared to answer him back. But as he punched her stomach, always in a place where no one could see the bruises, she smiled, because it was so close to being over.
‘Eva, I know this is hard for you—we understand—but ... ,’ April said.
She dragged herself from her thoughts, from the memories that kept playing like a film through her mind. ‘I should have let him go and join the Eagles,’ she heard herself say. Her voice seemed so distant, so much deeper than she expected it to sound, as if she were hearing it for the first time. ‘If I’d let him go instead of begging him to stay here, he’d probably still be alive, wouldn’t he? So maybe the fact he’s dead is my fault.’
April was shaking her head as Grace began to cry softly again, still standing beside Teddy.
‘Don’t say that, Eva. No one expected this; no one knew this was coming,’ she said, reaching for her as she spoke. ‘This was not your fault.’
Eva moved sideways just enough that April’s hand collided with air instead of her body. She didn’t want to be touched or coddled or part of some memorial service. Charlie was gone, and nothing was going to change that.
‘Eva, the only ones to blame for this are the Japs,’ Teddy said, suddenly in front of her, his big frame blocking the sunlight from her eyes. It was a relief to have shade and not have to squint.
‘Charlie couldn’t fly for the Eagles without turning his back on his own men and his country; you know that as well as I do, and I think he knew that too. But he was a fighter, and it’s why he wasn’t content sitting around and waiting,’ he said. ‘Leaving to fly with them was no more than a pilot’s frustration combined with a pipe dream—you hear me? There was no way he was going to Europe without his squadron.’
Eva nodded, more to get Teddy off her case than because she agreed with him. Because he was wrong; Charlie hadn’t been dreaming about going—he would have found a way to leave if she hadn’t been the persistent ball and chain dragging behind him and forcing him to stay.
‘Can you give us a minute?’ April asked, stepping between Teddy and Eva.
Teddy nodded and touched Eva’s arm as he passed, walking quietly away down the beach with Grace beside him.
‘Eva, I think you’re in shock,’ April said softly, beckoning for her to sit in the soft sand with her. ‘It’s understandable, given what you’ve gone through, and so many of our nurses and men are the same right now.’
