Page 29 of The Secrets We Left Behind
“There’s a ditch down there,” Jack said. “It might be the best we can get.”
She nodded and followed him, her hands stinging from being used like feet on the ground, palms red-raw already from connecting over and over again with grass, stones and dirt. And her knees were numb as she focused on each movement, moving as quickly as she could despite her discomfort.
The shooting became more intense then, going from irregular pops to a constant barrage of shots, and she stared down into the ditch, her and Jack like two animals frozen in place, surveying the field.
The ditch may have been fine to hide in a day earlier, but the rain had turned it to mud, and there was at least an inch of water for them to sit in. But it would obscure them from view, and she knew that was the only thing that truly mattered. It was hide or die, and a little bit of mud wasn’t going to kill them.
“I’m sorry,” Jack muttered.
“Don’t be, it’s not your fault,” she replied, trying not to sound too disheartened. “If it keeps us hidden, then it’ll be worth the wet. I’ll go first.”
She shimmied down, the muck up to her ankles and squelching as she braced herself against the wet cold. As a nurse, she knew the repercussions of their decision; they could end up with horrible skin infections from their feet being submerged in mud all day, and Jack was terribly susceptible to infection, but she couldn’t see they had any other option.
Jack tucked in beside her, moving closer, tentatively as if he wasn’t sure of her reaction, but she did the same, pressing againsthim and holding out the blanket again. The edges of it were covered in mud now, but it was still their best bet at staying warm.
Rain started to fall again then, and they both huddled down lower, using the blanket as a shield from the wet like a tent canopy above them. Cate shut her eyes and prayed it wouldn’t last long, as her teeth started a determined chatter that she had no chance of putting an end to.
She had the most overwhelming feeling that she was about to die, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop the tears that started to slide silently down her cheeks. Was this how Charlie had felt when he’d died?Ifhe’d died and wasn’t in fact missing all alone somewhere, or in a POW camp? Had he known it was coming, or had it happened with little or no warning? She squeezed her eyes tighter shut, wishing she’d known how it happened,whathad happened, whether his death had been fast, or if he’d suffered. She knew there was a small chance he was still alive, although she’d long since given up hope. It had been months now since the letter.
“Goodbye, Charlie,” Cate said, her lips whispering a kiss to his warm, smooth cheek.
“Not goodbye,” he said, his arm warm around her, protective until the end. “See you soon.”
He’d been superstitious about saying goodbye, hating the word and thinking it too final, yet she’d been so upset about him leaving that she’d said it anyway.
“Cate?”
She stared up into his dark-as-midnight eyes, his gaze so familiar and safe. “I’ll be back, all right? You don’t have to worry about me.”
She leaned into him as he pressed a kiss to her forehead, their parents looking on. They’d been friends for years before it had turned into something more, and it was his friendship she would miss the most.
“But if I don’t come home ...” he said, holding her shoulders.
“Don’t say that,” she murmured back. “Don’t you dare say that.”
“If I die, I give you permission to fall in love with someone else. Do you hear me, Cate?”
She shook her head, but he caught her chin, his thumb soft as he looked into her eyes. But when he didn’t look away, when he wouldn’t back down, she finally nodded, the moment more intimate than she’d ever felt before with him.
“You’re going to make a great nurse,” he whispered. “All those fellas will recover just from you smiling down at them, I reckon.”
His kiss was gentle, just the slowest, sweetest brush of his lips against hers before he took a step back and took off his hat, waving to everyone he was leaving behind. They’d hardly ever kissed, and although she’d expected a kiss goodbye, it still surprised her, and her fingers flew to her lips. Part of her thought of Charlie as more friend than anything else, someone who always kept her safe, but she cared deeply about him and couldn’t ever imagine life without him in it.
And then he was gone, and she’d been left standing in the crowd, catching her breath as the plumes of smoke from the train rose and circled above them.
Cate sighed, still able to feel his lips on hers, still able to smell the smoke from the train and recall the beat of her heart as she’d wondered if she would ever see Charlie again. She might have accepted his words that day, but she’d never for a moment thought he’d leave her, that one day she’d have to think about what he’d said again. There had only been a few days between him leaving and her completing her nursing training, and the months since then had been a blur. Except for the day when time had stood still, when she’d been summoned to the matron’s office soon after they’d arrived in Dunkirk. That day, every second had lasted an hour; every painful moment had cut so deep she’d wondered how she would ever survive it.
But war hardened a person, on the outside, anyway. War had taken so much from her; it had demanded her body and soulevery single day, and it had broken her heart a hundred times over. Charlie had only been the beginning of her suffering; there had been so many losses, so much pain, so much trauma every single day since.
“Matron wants a word with you, in private.”
Cate looked up from the bandage she was securing around a patient’s forearm. “In private?” Had she done something wrong? Matron was so hard on all the girls, always insisting they adhere to the highest of standards, and Cate had thought she was doing so well.
“Would you mind finishing up for me here then?” Cate asked.
The other nurse nodded and Cate waited for her to take over before quickly going to wash her hands. She smoothed her hair down too, checking her pins were in place and her hat was positioned properly on her head. The last thing she needed was to be scolded for her appearance as well as her work.
Cate took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, hurrying to the matron’s quarters.
