Page 30 of The London Girls
‘You fell asleep.’ She smiled, despite how weary she was, crossing the room and slumping into one of the chairs. When she’d confided in her mother that she was going ahead with the dispatch job, a part of her had wondered if her mother would actually keep her secret. But so far, she’d kept to her word. ‘You didn’t need to stay up for me.’
Her mother rubbed her eyes before standing. ‘Tea?’
Ava nodded. ‘Yes please.’ She wanted to drag herself to bed and sleep for a solid ten hours, but instead she sat across from hermother, too tired to move. The brandy she’d shared with George earlier hadn’t done anything to alleviate her pounding headache.
‘Have you eaten?’
Ava’s stomach growled in response. ‘Not for hours.’
She watched as her mother set the water to boiling and scooped two spoons of tea into the pot. Before the war, it had always been one scoop for each person and one for the pot, but they’d long since done away with that tradition. Ava smiled to herself as she watched her mother uncover a plate that had been sitting beside the cooker – the teapot wasn’t the only thing that had changed. Before the war her mother had barely done anything domestic herself, but now they only had one woman who came in for a few hours each day, which meant her mother was having to learn to be a housewife all over again.
‘I’d almost convinced myself that you weren’t going to survive the night, Ava. We were down in the shelter as soon as the sirens started, but your father was fed up and came back inside after a few hours, and eventually I followed. He presumed you were working late at Norfolk House.’
She nodded. Trust her father – he didn’t like being told what to do and he certainly didn’t like being in a shelter. He’d had their small garden ripped up in order to build a shelter big enough for the three of them, which saved her mother from having to go to the closest tube station in an air raid.
Her mother set a steaming cup of tea and a piece of pie in front of her. ‘I saved this from supper, sorry it’s cold.’
Ava couldn’t have cared less that it was cold – she was starving and grateful for anything – but when she picked up her fork, she suddenly couldn’t take a mouthful and her hand began to shake.
‘Ava? Is everything all right? I can warm it up, if it’s not—’
Ava couldn’t help it; she was trying so hard to hold it all in, but with her mother being so kind and the simple act of sitting safely at the table after the night she’d had, after the ordeal she’d beenthrough ... Tears slid down her cheeks then, big fat plops that fell straight on to her plate. She wasn’t used to such kindness from anyone, let alone in her own home.
‘I thought I was going to die tonight,’ she whispered. ‘I was so scared.’
Her mother’s hand flew to her mouth and Ava immediately wished she hadn’t said anything, although now she’d started, she couldn’t stop.
‘It was awful. I was so excited about it all at the start of my shift – it all seemed like such an adventure – but it was, it was ...’ A sob escaped from between her lips. ‘It washorrible. It was so dark and I couldn’t see anything, and when they said we had to deliver those memos even if it killed us, I—’
‘Who said that!’ her mother gasped. ‘Ava, that’s awful! You can’t keep doing this!’
Ava cringed. She’d gone too far, she shouldn’t have said it, but the enormity of what she’d signed up for, the reality of her new job ... everything just seemed to be tumbling from her lips whether she wanted it to or not.
‘I’m fine,’ she said, taking a deep, shaky breath. ‘Honestly, I’ll be fine, it was just so different from what I expected. It seemed so exciting when we were training, but when there was no light left and I was in the dark, when the bombs started falling, I ...’ She sighed. ‘I’ll be fine.’ It was almost as if she had to keep repeating the words to convince herself as much as her mother. Why was she even telling her all these things? ‘If it hadn’t been such a long trip, it wouldn’t have been so terrifying.’
Her mother squeezed her hand, not letting go for a long moment.
‘I’m so proud of you, Ava,’ she said quietly. ‘I sat up tonight to tell you that. I’m so proud of what you’re doing, and I wanted you to know.’
Pride swelled inside her as she stared back at her mother, barely believing what she was hearing.
‘I admire your courage, Ava. You’re one of the bravest young women I know.’
‘Thank you.’ Her eyes swam with tears again, but this time it had nothing to do with how scared she was. Her mother very rarely dished out praise, which meant that Ava believed her without question when she did.
‘You’re so much braver than I’ve ever been – in life, with your father ...’ Her voice trailed off.
Ava swallowed, suddenly no longer hungry. She could feel abutcoming.
‘But as proud as I am of you, you can’t keep doing this,’ she said. ‘How long do you think it will take before your father realises what you’re doing? Before he realises you’ve defied him?’
Ava set down her fork. ‘I’m not going to quit this job.’
‘Ava, if he finds out, if he tells you to leave home, there’s nothing I can do.’ Her mother’s eyes were brimming with tears. ‘Can’t you just get your old job back? Would it be so bad to admit defeat and—’
‘Admit defeat?’ Ava echoed.
So this was why she’d sat up – trying to make her feel like she actually cared about her when instead she wanted her to quit her new job. She was just scared of her husband’s wrath, that was all.
