Page 39 of The London Girls
Leo?She turned, not believing her eyes when she saw a man standing there, wearing a plaid shirt that she recognised as belonging to one of her brothers, his hair wet and freshly combed. His hair was longer than she remembered, his skin more golden and his cheeks hollow, but there was no mistaking it was he.
‘Leo!’ She almost fell over her chair in her haste to reach him, running across the room and into his open arms, throwing herself against him. He held her as tightly as she held him, his cheeks freshly razored and soft against hers, his body warm and very much alive. Even then she kept tightening her hold, as if to convince herself she wasn’t dreaming. She’d spent so many hours fretting over whether or not Leo would make it home, and yet it was he standing before her and her brother who hadn’t returned.
‘I’m so sorry about Pete,’ he murmured, holding her at arm’s length as his eyes seemed to trace every inch of her face. ‘I wasn’t due leave, but when all this happened, when ...’
His happiness at seeing her was as short-lived as hers, and her eyes swam with tears as she folded her arms around him again, needing to be held. She knew this would be every bit as difficult for him as it was for her.
‘I had to deliver the news personally. I couldn’t ...’ He faltered before clearing his throat and beginning again. She could see it was taking all his strength not to break down in front of her – it was the first time in all the years she’d known him that she’d seen him cry. ‘I needed to be the one to give your parents the letter. It’s the least I could do for your family – to be the one to break the news.’
Olivia wiped her tears and took Leo’s hand in hers, steering him back towards the table with her. Her parents were still sitting quietly, her father staring into the distance as if he wasn’t even present, lost in his thoughts or perhaps his pain.
‘Tea,’ her mother announced, abruptly standing. ‘We all need tea. Tea fixes everything.’
Olivia glanced at Leo, who looked as perplexed as she felt. But, seeing her mother wringing her hands and marching off to find the teapot, she supposed that making tea would at least give her something to do.
‘He’s gone, isn’t he?’ Olivia whispered, still clutching Leo’s hand, terrified that if she let go he might be taken from her, too. ‘They tell the family that missing doesn’t mean dead, to give us hope, but ...’ She swallowed. ‘You think he’s gone, don’t you?’
Leo only looked at her. He didn’t need to say anything, his sad gaze told her everything she needed to know, and when he squeezed her fingers in his, it was all she could do to hold herself together. Her beautiful big brother was gone; she was never, ever going to see him again.
‘Olivia, love, when did you get here?’ Her mother returned from the kitchen, staring at her and giving her the most quizzical gaze, as if she genuinely hadn’t realised she was there. ‘And what on earth are you wearing? You look ridiculous!’
Olivia looked down at her oversized jacket and trousers. What she was wearing didn’t seem relevant given the circumstances, butshe could imagine it wasn’t exactly the kind of outfit her mother expected her to wear for her birthday.
‘It’s my uniform,’ she said. ‘I came straight from work.’
‘Well, you look quite frightful. Go and get changed, would you? Your Leo is here, and he hardly wants to come home after all these months and find you looking like that. What a disappointment that would be, hmm?’
Had she seriously not seen her embracing Leo, or sitting beside him at the table? She was speaking as if Olivia had no idea he was even present!
Leo grinned at her, arching an eyebrow as he looked her up and down and leaned in closer. ‘You look quite fetching, actually,’ he whispered.
She smiled, despite the sadness of the occasion, feeling a familiar spark inside when he grinned at her. ‘Thank you,’ she mouthed.
‘It’s ridiculous, you risking your life like that each day. They’re death traps! We’ve had enough, haven’t we, Roger?’ her mother said, looking at her father, who didn’t even appear to be listening. ‘I shouldn’t have to worry about my daughter as well as my sons. It’s just not suitable for women, that kind of work.’
Olivia pursed her lips, not about to argue with her, given the circumstances. She wasn’t going to stop her work for anyone, and certainly not because her mother didn’t think it was ladylike enough. The news about Pete only made her want to help more, made her more determined to do whatever it took.
‘Shortbread,’ her mother suddenly announced. ‘The boy needs shortbread. And perhaps a roast. Would you like a roast, Leo? How about I see what I can rustle up for dinner?’ She sounded almost hysterical now, swinging between deep grief and fussing over Leo and what he might need. ‘We don’t have much meat these days, but I’ll find something.’
Olivia glanced at her father, who was still staring at nothing in particular, and then back at her mother again as she fluttered around the kitchen, her face so drawn and white, her mouth so tightly pinched, that she barely recognised her. A small cake was sitting there, forgotten about after the news they’d received, the birthday celebrations no longer relevant. And all the while Leo just quietly held her hand as if he’d never left her side in the first place, keeping her steady, reminding her so much of her brother as he sat there in Pete’s shirt that it made her heart bleed. She could almost see Pete walking through the door, taking the seat beside Leo and slapping him on the back as he teased them about being engaged, about how lovey-dovey they were in front of him.
‘Mother, why don’t you come and sit down,’ Olivia said, finally letting go of Leo and reaching for the teapot her mother was holding. ‘Let me do all this. I’m happy to help.’
‘I can’t, I have to ... Leo, I mean Pete, I—’
‘Shhh.’ Olivia gently steered her mother to the table and sat her down again. ‘Just sit a minute, and I’ll bring you the tea.’ It took all her strength not to break down in tears at the sight of her mother, but she somehow kept her composure. She hated seeing her mother like this, and she would have done anything to ease her pain.
‘Not Petey,’ her mother whispered, as if only just admitting the news they’d received. ‘Heavens no, not my Petey.’
Her father seemed to come back then too, his face crumpling in a way she’d never imagined possible before. Her stoic father, with his perfectly groomed moustache and his broad shoulders that she’d never even seen droop, now looked like a hunched old man, the life within him as good as extinguished. She set the teapot down and poured her mother a cup.
‘How long are you here for?’ Olivia whispered, reaching for Leo’s hand beneath the table as she sat down beside him, trying to draw on his strength even though she knew he’d be grieving almostas deeply as she was. Leo and Pete had been best friends since school, and she’d never imagined when they’d set out together for war that one might come home without the other – that anything could stop her big brother from finding his way back to his family. It just hadn’t truly occurred to her that she could lose him; he’d always seemed somehow indestructible, which seemed ridiculously naïve in hindsight.
‘A few days. It was all I could get, unfortunately,’ he murmured back.
She nodded as a fresh wave of tears rose within her, choking her as she stared at her mother and father and wondered how they would all survive such a loss – how they would even continue on. How could they feel like a family ever again without Pete’s cheeky smile and belly-deep laugh, without him at their dinner table after the war, without him in their lives?
It was as if her mother was having the very same thought, her face crumpling all over again as her body started to shake and a low moan escaped her lips, a sound Olivia hadn’t even known her mother was capable of making. Olivia hurried back to her, enveloping her in her arms as they both cried.
