Page 18 of The Berlin Sisters
Chapter Seven
Ava’s fingers were trembling so much when she returned to the office three days later, that for the first time since she’d taken her position at the ministry, she made three errors in a row in her typing. Taking the paper from the typewriter, she scrunched it into a ball, hiding it on her lap, and took a clean sheet of paper to feed back into the machine. If she didn’t manage to shake off her nerves, someone was going to notice.
‘That’s not like you,’ Greta whispered, glancing over at her. ‘What’s wrong?’
Ava knew her face had turned a dark shade of red, but she also knew that she had to come up with the right answer to disguise her nerves. ‘I think I might have caught a cold when I went home.’ She did a little cough for effect and gently patted her chest. ‘It’s not helping my concentration.’
‘Well, take your time, you’re better to be slow than making mistakes.’
Ava nodded, taking a deep breath and cursing how nervous she was. She knew that no one could read her thoughts, but still she was acting as if at any moment she was going to be caught for treason, despite the fact she hadn’t even done anything. The fact she hadn’t seen her father to talk to since she’d returned wasn’t helping either, because she had no clue whether she was supposed to bedoing anything yet. Would he tell her when there was something she should look for, or was she supposed to commit to memory everything that crossed her desk? And her conversation with Hanna kept playing in her mind, the way her sister had looked at her when she’d spoken, the pain in her words twisting through Ava’s body as she’d absorbed them.I couldn’t even make eye contact with Eliana Goldman, and yet my sister was out there risking her life for a stranger.
Her sister had confessed to being responsible for helping countless Jewish children, using her cover as a nurse to smuggle them out of the country, and yet here she was, nervous about simply looking at papers in an office. Until today, she would have likely stepped around a child with a yellow star and called for the authorities, and yet Hanna’s compassion had encouraged her to behave in a way that Ava hadn’t even considered. Until now.
Her hands began to shake again, and she was just about to rise and take a moment’s break when Herr Frowein strode into the room, holding a clutch of pink papers. Ava slowly sank back into her seat, sitting to attention as he stood in front of their desks. She’d never seen pink slips of paper before, and she wondered what he could possibly be holding.
‘These,’ he said, holding up the papers in one hand, ‘are to be referred to as the daily truths. It is of the utmost importance that you prioritise these when they are put on your desk, for immediate distribution once you have typed them.’
Ava found herself nodding along with the other secretaries, glancing down when a few of the papers were put on her desk. She was surprised how many there were, and wondered who had made the notes.
‘Your job is to type and expand the numbers, to ensure all Germans understand the truth of what is happening to our soldiers and to our good German women.’
Expand?Her eyes ran over the first few lines on the page at the top of her pile, to better understand what he was talking about.
‘Fräulein Müller,’ Herr Frowein said, addressing her as he gestured for her to rise. ‘Please hold up your paper and tell me how many German women have been raped by Russian soldiers this week.’
She stood. Looking from him to the paper and back again. The report clearly said twenty, and she wasn’t certain what he expected of her.
Ava pointed to the number as she spoke. ‘Twenty women.’
He shook his head, looking as if he might strike her for reciting to him what was on the paper in front of her. ‘Germans must understand the brutality of Russian soldiers and their behaviour, the way they are treating our women,’ he barked. ‘I ask you again, how many German women were raped, Fräulein Müller?’
‘Forty women,’ she said this time, raising her voice as it threatened to waver. ‘Forty women were raped.’
Herr Frowein nodded. ‘Forty women is correct. We do not want to underestimate what is happening, the people must know the truth. They must understand the monsters our people are faced with – why winning this war is so important to us as a nation.’
He moved to Greta beside her, who’d quickly realised what was expected of them all, and as each number on the papers in their hands was read out, Ava wondered what the true figure was. Had it already been inflated before it was noted on the pink paper? And if they were to make such gross exaggerations, then what else that passed her desk wasn’t actually the truth? Why had she never thought to question what she typed before?
She found herself thinking of the Goldmans, of the way her father had looked at them, at the way they’d looked back at her, their fear palpable. She’d swallowed every untruth that had been fed to her, as had most of those around her, and yet her own familyhad seen the truth with their own eyes. Ava knew she’d feel like a fool for some time to come, and that it also wouldn’t be easy to stop seeing things the same way she’d seen them for so many years now – to not believe the lies.
I have been one of the cowards, but I am not going to be a coward any longer.That was what she’d told herself that morning, when she’d crept up to the attic before their maid had returned, taking an armful of books, along with a new notebook she’d received for Christmas and her favourite pen for Eliana. She remembered how much she’d liked to write when they’d been at school together, and it was all she could think to give her, other than the cookies they’d made on Christmas Eve. Although it hadn’t been lost on her that they were formed in the shape of a swastika, so she wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d spat on them rather than eating them. All she’d wanted to do was throw open the window to let air into the stuffy attic space, to let sunlight stream in, even if it was only a small ray of light, but instead she’d left them in the dark, like birds in a gilded cage, and she hadn’t been able to stop thinking of them since.
‘Fräulein Müller?’ Her name, said loudly as if for a second time, made her jump. She saw that Herr Frowein was walking back towards her, his boots thudding with each step.
Ava broke out in a sweat as she slowly looked up at him, waiting for him to ask her to go with him, to say something, anything, that told her he knew what she had agreed to do. Why had he singled her out? Why was he back at her desk again? Had he said something to her that she hadn’t heard, because she’d been lost in a daydream?
‘I trust you had a pleasant time at home with your family?’
She swallowed. ‘Yes, I certainly did. I was very fortunate to spend time with them.’He knows. The way he is looking at me, it’s like he’s been trained to sniff out deceit like a Nazi dog.
‘Your father said it was well worth the drive, even if he did only have the one evening with you all in the end. Family is everything to a man.’
She nodded politely, unsure what to say so deciding not to say anything at all. This was why her father was able to help the resistance, whyshewould be able to continue on his work. Because as far as anyone around them could tell, they were the perfect German family, dedicated to the cause. Her nerves began to ease then, as she began to understand why her father could be so calm in his deceit.My father is highly ranked in the SS, my fiancé is a dedicated SS man, my mother is the model German wife.No one had any reason to doubt their allegiance, not for a moment. If someone dared to suggest otherwise, it would be more likely that they would be hanged for treason than her father be questioned.
‘I have documents from Dr Goebbels for you to type as soon as you’ve completed your daily truths,’ he said. ‘I would like you to prepare them and then deliver them directly to my office.’
‘Yes, Herr Frowein,’ Ava said. ‘I shall make them my priority.’
He nodded. ‘Please collect them from me personally once you’re done here.’
