Page 25 of The Berlin Sisters
They stood for a moment, breathing, staring into each other’s eyes, both dreading what was to come. The moment the door to their home opened, they would have to move, act, feel,laughas ifthey had never been happier, as if it were such a privilege to have a group of monsters and their wives in their home as guests.
‘We will be all right, Hanna, we always are. We make a good team.’
She leaned into her mother, resting her head on her shoulder. ‘I know, Mama. I know.’ Only in truth, pretending had never seemed harder, which was most troubling when she was expected to give the performance of her lifetime. But she did have something to be grateful for – no longer having to hide who she was and what she did from her sister.
Less than an hour later, Hanna looked at her reflection and barely recognised herself. Her cheekbones seemed to be more prominent, her mouth wider, but she imagined it was because she’d lost some of the fullness from her face in recent months. She forced a smile, seeing the way it lit up her eyes and transformed her face, and she knew that by the end of the night her cheeks would hurt from having to hold it for so long.
If only my cheeks hurt from laughing, from smiling without abandon with my family. With my friends.
She gave herself one last, long look, before taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders.I can do this. I just have to remember what it’s all for, what we’re protecting, and it will all be worth it.
Ava came to stand beside her then, her fingers closing around Hanna’s as she stared back at her own reflection, and Hanna clasped her hand tighter, feeling the tremble in her touch. Ava was as scared as her, or perhaps even more so, for it was her first night of truly being part of the subterfuge.
‘Are you ready?’ Hanna whispered.
Ava nodded. ‘As ready as I’ll ever be.’
Chapter Ten
Hanna walked down the stairs, her eyes downcast as her fingers danced over the handrail. They ached to grip it tightly, but she wouldn’t let herself; she had a part to play, after all, and Ava was only a few steps behind her. When she did look up, she saw her mother, poised and elegant, the picture of the perfect wife, her blonde hair swept up off her neck, showing off the beautiful diamond necklace Hanna’s father had given her for their twentieth wedding anniversary the year before the war began. Then she saw her father, who was smiling up at her as he stood with a few of his colleagues, all dressed in perfectly starched uniforms, their gazes fixed on her.
She knew what all the men were thinking; they would like her for themselves or for their sons. None of the guests here tonight would even know that she was a widow, not a maid. She was thankful that they would be less interested in leering at Ava, knowing that she was already promised to one of their own.
‘Here she is,’ her father said, beaming as he came forward and took her arm, kissing her cheek. ‘I trust you all remember my eldest daughter, Hanna?’
She smiled and used her free hand to smooth imaginary wrinkles from her dress, as she heard Ava being greeted by her mother and the women surrounding her. But it took everything to keepher smile in place as she saw the full glasses of wine and smelled the lavish array of food being cooked for the party. The table would be set as if for a feast, the bellies of all the men around her full to brimming, when the families she treated at the hospital were so hungry that their ribs were protruding, their ration books doing little to sustain them. So many were having to cope with so little, yet this glittering set of the Nazi elite hadn’t been subject to so much as coffee rations.
‘Fräulein Müller, what a pleasure to see you again,’ one of the men said, extending his hand to her. She politely extended hers in reply, trying not to cringe when he pressed a wet kiss to it, holding on for longer than was necessary, his moustache itching her skin. ‘Tell me, is there a lucky husband-to-be waiting in the wings yet? Or could I interest you in meeting my son when he’s home on leave?’
She glanced at her father, who only smiled at her. ‘I’ve been so busy with my work at the hospital that I haven’t had the opportunity to meet a young man, unfortunately,’ she said. ‘But I’m very much looking forward to all our victorious men coming home in the near future.’
‘Well, between us, we have some very eligible sons who are to be posted closer to home soon,’ said one of the other men, nudging her father with his elbow. ‘We would be only too pleased to introduce you.’
‘Darling, come with me,’ her mother said as she appeared, sweeping her into her embrace and flashing her most dazzling smile at the men. If Hanna attracted the men’s interest, her mother positively captured them. She seemed to know just how to move, how to use her eyes, to distract a man from almost everything, without doing anything that could be seen as improper. ‘No more talk of weddings or husbands, we already have our Ava to be married as soon as the war is over, and dear Hanna here is very busy with hernursing. There is plenty of time for marriage, she’s still young, after all.’
There was a grumble between the men, immediately arguing over how unbelievable it was that women were having to fill so many men’s jobs. But she’d heard it all before; a woman’s place was at home, tending to her husband and producing babies. Sex was supposed to fulfil a purpose only, it was not to be for pleasure, but simply to keep populating their great country with endless children. Only, the old men ogling her tonight certainly seemed to have pleasure in mind. She wished she could scream at them that she wasn’t some unmarried maiden but a widow who was still grieving her husband. She doubted they’d even care if they knew; all they saw was a young woman who fulfilled their little list of ideals, which made her perfect breeding stock.
‘You look beautiful, as always,’ her mother whispered to her, before taking her by the hand to introduce her to the women she’d been talking to. ‘Just keep smiling and remember to breathe, that’s all you have to do to charm them. Make them think you’re pleased to see them.’
‘Hanna, I hear you’re a nurse,’ one of the wives said, taking a sip of her wine. ‘Tell us, how bad are the injuries from the bombs?’
‘I heard that they are targeting children and factories where they know mothers are working!’ said another.
Hanna looked at the wide-eyed women forming a circle around her, and she wondered what they truly knew about the war. They were like pretty birds kept in a cage, with no idea what happened outside in the world. She looked over at Ava, who was smiling politely.
‘It is true, many of the injured are women and children,’ Hanna said. ‘I spend most of my time on the paediatric ward, caring for those children who need us most, and sometimes I’m deployedwith an ambulance driver to provide triage care at the scene of a bombing or fire.’
The women all gasped, a collective intake of breath that made the men take notice and look over at them.
‘What is being shared that’s so dramatic over there?’ one of them called out.
‘I must apologise, I was shocking these lovely ladies with tales of injuries,’ Hanna said sweetly, taking a small step back and looping her hand through Ava’s arm when she came closer. ‘From the recent air raids.’
Hanna almost lost her breath then, as Goebbels himself appeared. He must have been using the lavatory when she’d come downstairs, because she certainly hadn’t seen him. A hot flush came over her body, and her mother took a tight hold of her hand, beckoning Zelda to bring him a glass of wine.
‘Tell away, Fräulein Müller,’ he said. ‘Or do you still go by your married name of Frau Wittelsbach?’
She gulped, but her father came to her rescue, seeing her distress. ‘Joseph, I think it’s important that everyone, even our womenfolk, understand how barbaric our enemy is, don’t you think? I have always encouraged Hanna to share the truth of the horrific injuries she’s seeing, and I know our new daily truths will help our womenfolk understand our enemy all the more, wouldn’t you say?’
