Page 46 of The Berlin Sisters
Eliana held her smile, as difficult as it was, trying to push away the fear that was rising inside of her. ‘My father is an officer, posted outside of Germany, and my mother...’ She looked away and cleared her throat, finding it particularly easy to make tears form in her eyes. After so much loss, it wasn’t hard to find something sad to fixate on. ‘My mother was killed by an American bomb. I wasn’t home, and I came back to find our house destroyed and my mother—’
‘Oh dear, please, you don’t need to continue,’ the woman said, holding her hand to her heart and then rushing forward to engulfEliana in an awkward hug. ‘I didn’t realise you’d suffered so much loss, and your poor father, losing his wife when he’s away bravely leading our soldiers.’
It was a lie of course, but this woman had likely already heard all of this before and was simply trying to see if her story matched up, to make certain that Eliana was who they said she was. From what Hanna had told her, everyone was suspicious of everyone else now, trying to find fault, trying to find traces of a lineage that wasn’t pure enough, their terror at someone having Jewish blood at fever pitch.
Eliana nodded, dabbing at her eyes with the backs of her fingers. ‘Thank you. Everyone has been very kind, but especially my aunt and uncle. I don’t know what I’d have done without them, and I know it’s been a great comfort to my father too, knowing he doesn’t have to worry about me.’
‘I haven’t seen your aunt recently. She’s not staying here?’
Eliana could tell how insincere this woman was. She’d switched from concern over Eliana’s mother to questioning her about Frau Müller, barely pausing for breath. If it had been any other time, Eliana wouldn’t have given her the time of day, and she certainly wouldn’t be letting her interrogate her so brazenly.
‘She’s staying at their country house. My uncle likes to return home there and know she’s safe, and my cousins would be there, too, if they didn’t have such important work to do in the city.’
The little girl peered out from behind her mother then, and that was when Eliana realised what she was wearing. It was the Jungmädelbund uniform. Of course, children as young as ten were being indoctrinated now, to ensure they hated Jews and everyone else who wasn’t part of the ‘master race’, when they were barely old enough to think for themselves. Eliana wondered if this little girl already had such hate running through her blood and her mind.These children had never been around Jewish boys and girls – it was probably impossible for them to imagine a mixing of religions and cultures.
‘Well, we must let you get home, sorry to keep you,’ the woman said. ‘It was just such a wonderful coincidence to run into you like this, especially after hearing all about you from your uncle.’
Eliana began to walk up the stairs, not realising they were on their way up, too. She’d expected them to be leaving, which now that she thought about it didn’t make sense at all given the hour.
‘You’re here to visit the Müllers?’ Eliana asked, glancing at the girl again, who appeared to be studying her intently.
‘Oh no, we moved into the apartment upstairs over Christmas,’ the woman said. ‘You should see it, it’s absolutely stunning, and we have the most beautiful art! Some days I can’t stop staring at it all, I have to pinch myself that it’s all ours. And look at this coat! Would you believe I found it hanging in the wardrobe for me? I haven’t taken it off since we arrived.’
Eliana’s voice caught in her throat, her smile impossible to hold as she failed to respond, as she realised why the beautiful fur coat had seemed so familiar. What was she supposed to say to that? How was she supposed to react to this woman proudly announcing that she’d moved into an apartment that didn’t belong to her, that had been Eliana’s home?That still has my papa’s precious artwork on the walls! That had my mama’s fur coat still hanging where she left it in the wardrobe?Did these people even wonder how these homes became available? Did they ever think of the people who had lived there before them, or the lives that had been ruined? Or did they simply think that anything that had once belonged to the Jews should be redistributed among them all?
‘I – I...’ She could feel her face turning red, knew that both the woman and her child were staring at her.
‘Are you all right?’
‘No,’ Eliana said, shaking her head and holding her stomach, doing her best to feign illness. ‘I think something has upset my stomach, I’m feeling quite unwell.’
The woman took hold of her arm and helped her up the last few steps, and even the feel of her skin against Eliana’s and the brush of her mother’s coat made her want to scream, made her want to turn and grab the woman by her shoulders and shake her, to push her down the stairs and watch her tumble to the bottom. She’d never had violent thoughts before, but in that moment, she truly felt as if she were capable of murder.
But instead she fumbled for her key, her fingers shaking as she pushed it into the lock, mumbling her thanks as the woman called out behind her, trying to hold the facade together for just a moment longer until the door was shut.
Eliana ran through the apartment to the bathroom, bile rising in her throat, burning in her mouth as she doubled over the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach until there was nothing left. She cried as she kept being sick, as her tears fell, as pain rippled through her body.
‘Eliana?’
She heard Hanna’s worried call but couldn’t respond, wiping her face and falling back to her knees when she tried to stand, curling up on the cold floor tiles as her entire body trembled, as she fought not to scream.
Before she knew it, Hanna was behind her, her body moulding to Eliana’s as she wrapped her arms around her and held her tight, soothing her, instinctively seeming to know that Eliana needed to be held. And then Eliana cried so hard that her stomach hurt, her cheeks ached, her heart broke. Even her bones seemed to ache with her pain.
‘They’re living in our apartment. They’re living my life as if it was theirs to steal.’ She sobbed as she tried to breathe, gasping forair. ‘When will it ever end? When will we ever get our lives back? When will they stop taking what isn’t theirs to take?’
Hanna didn’t say anything, but Eliana could feel her silent tears falling against her neck, wetting her skin. She kept her arms wound tightly around her as they lay and shivered on the cold bathroom floor.
‘It has to get better,’ Hanna eventually whispered. ‘It has to, Eliana. It can’t be like this forever.’
Eliana closed her eyes, Hanna’s arms still wrapped around her. She only wished that she could believe her.
Chapter Sixteen
AVA
It had been months since Ava was last home, which meant that some time had passed since she’d seen her mother. Under normal circumstances they would never have been parted for so long, but with the Goldmans needing her mother’s care, they’d had to devise a series of excuses as to why her mother chose to stay at the country house. They predominantly centred around her father preferring to know she was safe and well away from any bombing, which was why he liked to send his daughters back home whenever he could, too.
That afternoon, with her mother downstairs in the kitchen and Zelda gone for the day, Ava took food up to the Goldmans and invited them to come down to the top floor of the house and stretch their legs. They were never quite brave enough to ask them downstairs, but she knew how much any reprieve from the attic meant to them, especially David.
