Page 11 of The Pianist's Wife
‘I planned to be a journalist, actually, but with the war, well, I guess you could say that I’ve had to put my plans on hold for now too, just like you have.’ He grinned. ‘One day our dreams will come true though. We just have to wait it out.’
She was going to tell him that her father was the one verifying the paperwork of German journalists, but thought better of it. And the way he’d mentioned waiting it out made her nervous, almost as if he knew what she was hiding from the world.
‘You know, it would make a good story, the orphanage you work at. I hate to think how many children have lost their parents.’
‘Sometimes I don’t think people want to know about them,’ she said. ‘They don’t like to hear about children who’ve lost both their parents, which makes me more determined to keep helping them.’ She paused, before continuing. ‘I’m actually giving many of them lessons, to make sure they can all read and write.’
‘Or maybe it’s just not the propaganda they want Germans to be reading about,’ Maxi said, before frowning. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just a frustrated journalist who would never do very well at being told what I could or couldn’t write. I’m impressed at what you’re doing, truly I am.’
She nodded, not sure what to say next, but a little flutter of hope ignited in her belly. If he was liberal enough to dislikeNazi propaganda, maybe he was more open-minded about other things, too.
When Gisele waved them over to order, Maxi held out his arm.
‘I don’t know why Gisele never mentioned that she had a friend as pretty and lovely as you before,’ he said, leaning in a little closer. ‘Would you come out with us again?’
The flutter of excitement inside of her was quickly extinguished when she realised that there was no way she could say yes.
‘My father is very strict about my social life,’ she said. ‘He, well—’
‘We’re just having ice cream,’ Maxi said with a grin. ‘Besides, I’m going to be sent away soon, so it’s not like I’ll even be here to call on you for much longer.’
Amira bit down on her bottom lip, but went against her better judgement and took his arm anyway. She didn’t have to decide whether to see him again right then and there.He’s right, it’s just one ice cream today. It’s not like we’re going to fall in love in one afternoon.
In the weeks since meeting Maxi for the first time, Amira had found ways to sneak out of the house as often as possible leading up to his posting overseas at the end of the month. Her father would have been furious if he found out, with his worry increasing by the day about the state of Berlin, but the more she experienced Gisele’s world, the harder it was to stay hidden away. Maxi made her laugh, he was kind and attentive in a way she’d never experienced before, and all she wanted was to spend every moment that she could in his company. For the first time, she’d been able to confess her passion for teaching to someone other than Gisele, and to dream about a future that was a lot brighter than the one she’d been imagining for so long. He was impossibly attentive, recounting his favouritechildhood books and asking earnestly about what she liked to read, and it was as if everything she’d missed out on all these years had been forgotten.
‘Amira, I’m worried about your volunteer work,’ her father said, the book he’d been reading open in his lap. ‘I’m wondering if you would be best staying at home rather than leaving the house each day. The situation is getting worse with every passing week.’
She’d been standing by the window, looking out and feeling no less than a bird locked in a cage, and his words only intensified the feeling.
‘I can’t stay completely hidden from the world,’ she replied, without turning around, pressing her forehead to the cool glass. They’d had this conversation before, and she said the same thing she’d pointed out the last time, well versed by now in how to reassure him. ‘Young people are expected to serve, work or volunteer. It would be more suspicious if I did nothing.’
He made a sound in his throat that told her he understood.
‘Staying hidden like this is stifling though,’ she found herself saying. It was even more stifling when she heard Gisele talk about her expanding social life, not to mention planning a wedding. A wedding that Amira wouldn’t be able to attend for fear of Gisele’s mother recognising her. ‘I know you’re worried about me, but would it be so dangerous for me to accept an invitation from a young man? Or to meet a friend?’
‘What young man?’ he asked, and she could imagine the panicked look on his face without turning. ‘What friends?’
‘I just don’t want to hide for the rest of my life,’ she said, finally facing him. ‘There’s no one in particular, but I do meet people. I’ve turned down invitations that I would have loved to accept, and I know we’ve had this conversation before, but—’
‘Amira, there are Jewish women hiding all over Germany who would love the freedoms you enjoy.’
‘But I’m not Jewish anymore,’ she said, keeping her voice low in case their argument travelled to the adjoining apartment. ‘You’ve made certain that part of my life has been erased. There is no evidence anymore that I’m—’
‘Enough, Amira!’ he said, thumping his fist hard against the chair. ‘I will not discuss this any further with you.’
She took a deep breath, not yet ready to back down from their conversation. ‘Papa, what if I wanted to marry? What if I did meet a young man?’
His eyes widened and she thought they might pop out of their sockets. ‘Amira, please, tell me you haven’t—’
‘It’s a hypothetical question, Papa,’ she said, quickly interrupting him when she saw how scared he was. ‘But I’m a young woman, I have a right to ask, and the more I think about it, the more I think it would help me to stay hidden. Who would suspect me if I were married to a German?’
‘Applying for a marriage certificate means having every part of your heritage scrutinised. It means risking everything I’ve worked so hard to hide.’ He shook his head. ‘You know all this, Amira. You know what happens to those who take risks, who make one misstep and get caught. Please don’t let it be you, I wouldn’t survive it.’
She nodded. It had been foolish to ask, because she’d known what he would say, but the more secret double dates that Gisele arranged for the four of them, the more she’d started to think about the future, especially when she thought forward to Maxi’s return. And the more confident she became in her ability to hide, the more she wanted to live a normal life.
‘You must wait until after the war, Amira. You cannot ever risk your identity being discovered, not if you can help it,’ he said. ‘Promise me. I want you to promise me that you will never do anything so foolish as agree to get married.’
Amira touched her father’s hand, wishing she hadn’t upset him. ‘I promise, Papa. You know I would never do anything to put our lives in danger. It was foolish to ask.’
