Page 12 of The Pianist's Wife
She kissed the top of his head, pleased to be walking away from him so he didn’t see her tears. Because he was right; she had been foolish to pretend that she was like all the other young women in Berlin. A few fun dates didn’t change anything. Her life was so different to Gisele’s, and it was time she stopped pretending that she was someone she wasn’t. It didn’t matter if Maxi made her feel like nothing else in the world mattered, because it did, and if her father hadn’t forged new documents for her, she would never have even met someone like him. Just like she would never know whether he’d have even looked twice at her if he knew the truth. She didn’t want to imagine the look on his face if she tried to tell him her secret, the awful things he might say, just like those boys from her school when she’d been just a girl.
Maxi had asked to meet her father before he left to fight, but instead she would be telling him that she couldn’t keep seeing him anymore.
She couldn’t see that she had any other choice.
Chapter Six
Berlin, 1943
Four Years Later
Amira held out her arms to Gisele’s beautiful daughter. Her blonde curls bounced as she ran to her, throwing herself at Amira for a hug. In a world that was fast losing its light, Frieda’s infectious smiles and laughter sometimes felt like the sun itself. Amira knew she would never take their visits for granted. It was especially nice to be around such loved children, when her days were mostly filled with caring for children who’d lost both parents – of which there were an ever-increasing number. It broke her heart, but at the same time made her more determined to help in any way she could.
‘Well, I came to see your mother,’ Amira said with a laugh as she bounced her on her knee. ‘But clearly it was you who wanted to see me!’
Frieda smiled up at Amira, who couldn’t have been happier to receive so much love from the little girl. Her older brother, Archie, was at kindergarten, and her little brother had fallen asleep, which meant she had Amira’s undivided attention. Gisele and Hans had married quickly and started a family even faster, which meant that they had three young children with barely a year between each one.
‘Sometimes I find it hard to believe that you have three children,’ she said to Gisele, who was seated across from her, her sleeping son in her arms. ‘I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like.’ She regretted the words the moment they came from her mouth; it was such a touchy subject, the fact that Gisele had been able to marry young and have a family, while Amira’s life had essentially been paused due to how careful she had to be.
Gisele looked up and smiled, as if she knew what Amira had meant, stroking her son’s hair from his forehead. ‘I know how lucky I am, but I’m just so tired all the time. Especially with being pregnant again.’
‘Can I help you with anything while I’m here?’ Amira said.
‘Please, just sit and talk to me while Lukas is sleeping. Having you here is such a treat.’ She frowned. ‘You must be anxious about Maxi being sent away again so soon.’
‘It’s all I can think about. I can’t imagine what it’ll be like once he’s gone again, especially with my father away, too.’ Maxi had been posted overseas for much of the past four years, only returning home for six weeks’ leave that was almost over already.
‘He’s still being patient about waiting?’ Gisele asked.
‘As patient as a young man could be. Although I think if he was home on leave for any longer it would become difficult to keep making excuses,’ she said. ‘Sometimes I wish I could just tell him the truth. I’ve been so close to just confessing to him, but...’
‘You can’t tell him,’ Gisele said. ‘I have every reason to believe he’d be sympathetic, it’s obvious he loves you, but—’
‘I know,’ Amira said. ‘It’s too much of a risk.’
She was eternally grateful that Gisele had been able to host them so often while Maxi had been home on leave, otherwise she feared that she wouldn’t have seen him at all. And as nervous as she was about being in her apartment alone this month, with her father being sent temporarily to Sachsenhausen, the closest camp toBerlin, to study the papers from incoming prisoners, it had allowed her time to see Maxi.
Her father had promised to return by the end of the month, assuring her that he’d soon be back in Berlin at the Reich Press Chamber, but she was still nervous with him away. They’d never been parted for more than a night or two before, and as much as she’d once moaned about the restrictions he placed on her, she didn’t feel safe with him gone. And her darling Maxi, barely returned from war and being sent off again. She’d tried to break things off with him, but as she’d started to say the words she’d known she couldn’t give him up. And when he’d told her how terrified he was that he might not come home, how desperate he was for her to write to him and give him something to smile about and look forward to, she’d found herself unable to turn him down. Every day since she’d made certain to intercept the mail for fear that her father might discover one of his letters; letters that had only made her fall more and more in love with him.
‘Are you certain you don’t want to stay here with us until your father returns?’ Gisele asked.
‘I’ll be fine, truly I will. I’m just not used to so much time alone.’
‘I’m sure your father will be home soon. They’ll want him back in Berlin as soon as possible,’ Gisele said. ‘I’m the same with Hans; I miss him terribly when he’s gone.’
They sat in silence for a moment, as Frieda climbed down from Amira’s lap and went to play with her toys that were set up on a mat in the corner. Neither of them needed to say why it was different for Gisele, having her husband away. Gisele’s husband was highly ranked within the SS, which meant she was able to maintain the appearance of a perfect German wife bearing babies for the Reich, whereas Amira’s life could hang in the balance if her father didn’t return. With both of the men in her life gone, her safety wouldbe anything but guaranteed. If Hans didn’t come home, it would be devastating for Gisele, but she would still be revered for her contribution to the Reich, not persecuted. Hans had rapidly risen through the ranks of the party since their engagement, and Amira had become more and more nervous around him with every promotion. It was often on the tip of her tongue to ask Gisele about her husband’s beliefs, but she’d never had the courage to and she wasn’t sure if it was because she didn’t want to test Gisele’s loyalty, or if she just truly didn’t want to know the truth. For now, it was still the great unspoken between them.
‘How has everything been for you?’ Gisele suddenly asked, her voice low. ‘You haven’t had any concerns about...’ She glanced over at her daughter, as if conscious that she might be listening, even though she was only young. ‘Being discovered?’
Amira shook her head, even as a wave of panic rose in her chest at just the mention of her secret. There wasn’t an hour that went past where she wasn’t fearful for what might come – and the more the situation worsened around her, the more worried she became. ‘For now, everything has been fine.’For now.
‘Your father is still confident that your papers are watertight?’
She nodded. ‘As confident as anyone could be about falsified documents.’
They both stared at one another, not having to say any more, because they both knew how everything could change, how quickly her life could end. What was happening on the streets of Berlin, the things she was hearing, the violence that happened in the neighbourhoods around hers every day, it wasterrifying. She’d been witness to round-ups, knew that entire carriages and cattle cars were being filled with Jewish people,her people, and sent to God only knew where, and every day she wondered if it would be her next, whether something would happen or someone would resurfacefrom her past and uncover that she wasn’t who she was claiming to be.
‘If I’m ever discovered...’ Amira whispered, not even wanting to say the words. ‘If anyone starts to ask questions and look into my heritage, or if I think for a moment that someone from my past has shared my secret...’
