Page 19 of The Pianist's Wife
‘Well, it’s wonderful to see you, too,’ Amira said, glancing up at Gisele, who stood behind her daughter.
‘Why do you have all your bags, Mira?’
Amira bent down and smiled at her, looking into her big blue eyes and feeling grateful that at least little Frieda would never know the pain of not being wanted, of society no longer deeming her worthy. ‘Because I’m here to look after you and your brothers, and to help your mama. I’m going to be living here now, remember? And the first thing I’m going to do once I’m all settled in is make a fort with you in your bedroom, so you can have a hideaway from your brothers.’
Frieda grinned, obviously very happy with the suggestion. ‘Is Maxi coming to see us too?’
Amira faltered. ‘No, my love. He’s not home yet, but I’m sure he’ll be coming to visit just as soon as he is.’
‘When will he be home then? Why is it taking so long?’
‘He’s one of our brave Wehrmacht soldiers fighting to protect the Reich,’ Gisele said. ‘Uncle Maxi has a very important job, like all the other young German men. Now go on, find your brother and see what game he’s playing. Give your mama and Amira a moment’s peace.’
Frieda skipped away, seemingly content to obey her mother, which left the two of them standing in the hallway.
‘You don’t think we should have told them?’ Amira asked with a sigh.
‘There’s every chance he could turn up alive, isn’t there?’ Gisele asked. ‘Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.’
She stood beside Amira and touched her shoulder, and Amira nodded, bravely. ‘Of course. I suppose, after my father, I just...’ She didn’t need to say the rest. They both knew. ‘But you’re certain there’s not something that Hans isn’t telling me?’
‘Amira, I’m certain,’ Gisele said, linking their arms. ‘If there had been news, you would have been the first person Hans told. I promise.’
Amira nodded. ‘You’re right, of course you are. I just... I wish we knew either way. It’s the not knowing that’s so hard.’
‘I know it is,’ Gisele said, tears glinting in her eyes. Maxi was a friend of hers, too, and Amira knew how much she was hoping he’d return home. ‘Come on, let’s get you settled into your room. I’ve spent all morning making it perfect for you. I honestly can’t believe that you’re here.’
‘Thank you,’ Amira murmured, trying to shake the overwhelming sense of foreboding that kept settling over her. ‘As sadas I was to leave our place behind, it was so lonely without Papa there.’
‘Well, we’re all excited about having you. It’s going to be wonderful all being together, I promise.’
And so she and Gisele picked up her luggage and took her things upstairs, into the pretty attic room with sunlight filtering in and a little bunch of white roses on the nightstand. It was at once perfect and heartbreaking, and once she was alone, with Gisele telling her to come down whenever she was ready, she lay on the bed. Amira took out her last letter from Maxi and placed it on her chest, pressing it to her heart and praying that he was found soon, that he was still alive.
Amira wiped her tears and forced herself to rise from the bed. She wanted to wallow in the attic for the rest of the day, but she had a job to do now, and she was determined to be the very best helper to Gisele that she could be. Before she went down, she affixed the large square of blackout curtain to the window, immediately blocking out the light and sending a looming shadow over the bedside table that had only moments earlier seemed so quaint and pretty.
At least now it matches my mood.
At the end of her second week, and with the children to bed and the house blissfully silent, Amira walked through to the kitchen to fix supper for her and Gisele. She’d come to appreciate what it was like to look after children all day, and she certainly felt that they both deserved a little treat after a particularly long day. She’d decided upon apple strudel, which she knew her friend loved just as much as she did, and they had leftovers from making it for the children. But just as she was about to cut it, Gisele came into the kitchen.
‘What are you doing?’ she asked.
‘Preparing something delicious for us,’ Amira replied, not bothering to turn from the pantry. ‘Those children of yours are exhausting! And to think that I wanted to be a teacher. I don’t think I’d have lasted a day.’
Of course, she still wanted to teach if she could have – like almost everything else, her opportunity to teach had been taken from her with the commencement of the Nuremberg Laws. She hadn’t even been able to begin her studies at university, which had broken her father’s heart almost as much as it had hers, but it simply hadn’t been worth the risk. But she was still hoping that one day she would be able to fulfil her dream, or if not, then at least do something that allowed her to be surrounded by children who needed her.
It wasn’t until she finally turned around that Amira realised how long Gisele had been silent for. Gisele wasn’t the silent type; she usually talked enough for the both of them.
‘What’s wrong?’ Amira asked, setting down the plate of food. ‘Has something happened?’
Gisele shook her head. ‘Nothing’s wrong.’
Amira placed her hands on the kitchen countertop, as a familiar feeling washed over her. She’d felt it when her mother had died, and more recently her father; it was as if water were rushing over her body and filling her chest. The feeling intensified as Gisele’s face stayed set in a line, without being softened by her trademark smile, causing Amira to worry all the more.
‘Hans won’t be home for a while,’ Gisele said. ‘I’ve been so fortunate that he’s been posted close by for so long. The children will miss him this time, though.’
Gisele came to stand beside her, pressing her shoulder to Amira’s. She knew that something was wrong, that something had made her friend either sad or agitated or both, and she didn’t for a moment believe that it was about Hans being away for longer.
‘Are you certain everything’s alright?’ Amira asked, gently. ‘There’s nothing else on your mind?’ Gisele leaned into her a little more, before going to the drinks cabinet and taking out a bottle of brandy that Amira had only ever seen Hans pour drinks from before. Gisele took out two short glasses and poured a small splash into each, placing one in front of Amira before lifting her own and indicating that she should do the same. The liquor burned a fiery trail down her throat all the way to her stomach, but rather oddly, it felt good.
