Page 24 of The Pianist's Wife
Amira nodded, closing her eyes for a moment as she took a deep, shuddering breath and then let it out. When she opened them, she looked at Fred. ‘If I do this, if I consider what’s being proposed, you will keep my secret, and I will keep yours?’
‘Yes, Amira,’ he said. ‘If we do this, I will keep your secret until my very last breath.’
Chapter Eleven
A few weeks later, Amira let Gisele take her hand as she sat in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection. It was bittersweet, looking at herself dressed in the stunning off-white dress that she’d seen Gisele wear at her wedding to Hans only a handful of years earlier. They’d both spent hours altering it so that it fitted her slightly smaller figure, and now, much to Amira’s relief, it appeared to have been made for her. Once, Gisele had been smaller than her, but with all the worry over the past months, Amira seemed to have shrunk in size. She’d even used the last of her mother’s perfume, the bottle she’d saved before they’d left for Berlin, to try to make the day special. But despite all that, she was finding it hard to think about the groom waiting for her at the altar. Fred had proven to be polite enough, tolerating the situation just as she was; but he wasn’t the man she was in love with and he never would be. Hecouldn’tever be.
‘You look beautiful,’ Gisele said, leaning down to kiss her cheek.
She blinked back at herself, wishing she could enjoy the moment. ‘I keep thinking of Maxi,’ Amira confessed. ‘What will he think if he returns and finds out that I’ve—’
‘No,’ Gisele said. ‘You are not asking yourself those questions, not today. The only thing Maxi would want is for you to stay alive,do you hear me? If he does come home, he will understand, you know he will.’
Amira took a big breath. ‘But he won’t, because he doesn’t know the truth. I don’t even know if he would accept me if—’
Gisele hugged her. ‘Don’t think that way. Maxi loves you, and besides, there’s no reason he would ever find out. As far as Hans is concerned, you needed a husband to support you financially now that your father’s gone and you’ve been left alone. When I broke the news to him, he was most understanding, and we’ll tell Maxi the same thing.’
If he ever comes home.The unspoken words hung in the air between them.
‘Besides, if Maxi does come back? If he makes it home alive and the war ends? Then you can divorce Fred, it’s as simple as that,’ Gisele said, as if it were the most logical thing in the world. ‘It’s easier now, especially for a couple with no children, to seek a divorce to marry someone else.’
Amira nodded, but in her heart she no longer believed that Maxi was coming back to her. She also no longer believed that the Allies were going to turn the war around and free them from the madman who seemed intent on not only eradicating Jews and anyone else he took a dislike to, but taking over the world. The glimmer that Amira had once held in her heart was gone, replaced by a feeling of deep loneliness inside of her. The only thing giving her strength was the knowledge that Fred understood her pain, more so than anyone else she knew. At least they had that in common, even if he hadn’t exactly been warm to her. He was courteous, she’d give him that, but she wasn’t certain they were doing the best job of convincing anyone that they were in love. It was almost as if he resented having to get married more than she did.
‘You’re quite lucky, you know,’ Gisele said, crossing the room and coming back with a small posy of flowers. ‘I had to spend twomonths at the Reich Bride School before I married Hans, whereas you can just rely on me passing all my knowledge of being the perfect wife on to you. Did I ever tell you that I had to master the art of making the perfect after-work cocktailandpractise how to polish a dagger? I mean, how many husbands would arrive home expecting their wife to clean their knife while they sipped a fancy drink?’
Amira couldn’t help but laugh. Trust Gisele to stop her from feeling so dreary.
‘My darling mother thought it was the most incredible privilege. How could I possibly become Hans’ wife without being taught how to do so?’ Gisele said, her sarcasm not lost on Amira. ‘But enough about me. How are you feeling? I know this isn’t the wedding you dreamed of, but it’s not all bad.’
I feel like I’m betraying the man I love.‘Grateful,’ Amira said, instead. Because she was grateful; it came in waves, where one minute she was awash with grief over what she’d agreed to, and the next she was so deeply relieved to be safe, she would have agreed to anything. Because of Fred, she would no longer have to live in fear. She could live safe in the knowledge that no one would ever suspect her, that a woman married to a pure German couldn’t possibly be a Jew – she was going to be able to live and move about freely beneath the noses of the Nazis with confidence again, and for that, she couldn’t be anything other than grateful. ‘I won’t have to worry about being alone and my money running out or where I’m going to live, because I’ll have Fred to take care of me. As wrong as it feels, it’s also a huge relief. A decision I had to make, I suppose.’
Gisele looked away, and Amira was reminded of just how different their lives were. She might have always been her closest friend, but unlike her, Gisele had never had to worry about anything. She’d been raised in a German household and married a suitable man her parents approved of – her life had been a fairy tale compared to Amira’s. But Gisele understood that, when mostothers in her position didn’t, which was why they’d been able to stay such close friends despite it all. Gisele was prepared to take risks to help others.
‘You haven’t spoken of your mother again,’ Amira said. ‘Does she arrive next week?’
‘She’s been delayed, but she’ll be here before the end of the month. But you have nothing to fear, truly you don’t.’
‘If she were to see me—’
Gisele held out her hand and helped Amira to her feet. ‘She won’t, because you’ll steer clear of her, and anyway she’s unlikely to recognise you in a chance encounter, so even if she did happen to see you on the street, she would never recognise you. Especially not as Mrs Frederick Schulz. She only sees what she wants to see, and in you, she’d see the wife of an acclaimed pianist.’
They only see what they want to see. They were the words Fred had whispered to her only the day before. The moment they wore their wedding rings, no one would see them as anything more than a loving young couple, no different to any other. Their truth would be hidden from the world.
‘Come on, it’s time,’ Gisele said. ‘We don’t want to keep them waiting. But before we do, let’s practise again, just so it rolls off your tongue. How did you meet Fred?’
‘We met at the park,’ she said, forcing a smile. ‘I walked there often, as it’s somewhere I feel close to my father, and it was as if fate conspired for us to meet. I slipped and an arm shot out to catch me, and when I turned around I was looking into the bluest eyes I’d ever seen.’
Gisele nodded. ‘Good. And just remember, it’s fine if you blush or stammer. It will just make the story and your fast nuptials all the more believable.’
Amira nodded and looked at herself one last time, before squaring her shoulders and nodding. A little, fantastical part of herbrain imagined Maxi arriving at the last minute, sweeping her into his arms and begging that she marry him instead. But this wasn’t a fairy tale, far from it, and no matter how much Maxi might love her, there was no chance that he was coming home any time soon, if at all. Besides, they had their paperwork, everything had been approved, no one had questioned the carefully doctored lineage that Fred had presented on her behalf. She couldn’t do anything that would mean further scrutiny, even if Maxi were there.
They walked out into the garden to find Hans positioned with the children, waiting for them, and Fred standing at an altar draped in a swastika flag and adorned with leaves. There were also a few people whom she’d never seen before but knew to be friends of Fred’s, smiling at her as she walked towards him.
Hans nodded to her and stepped out, making a crook with his arm for her to slide her hand through as Gisele took the children. He’d agreed to walk her down the aisle, despite his friendship with Maxi and her fast courtship with Fred, and she silently stepped alongside him until they reached Fred. She’d expected Hans to resent her decision, but after taking a few days to consider the situation, he’d told Gisele that he understood Amira’s precarious circumstances with not having a man in her life to provide for her. Not to mention she was certain that he liked the fact that Fred’s skills as a musician were so highly respected by other party members.
Nerves made her skin prickle and her stomach flutter, but Fred was smiling up ahead and held her gaze. He only looked away to return the salute Hans gave him, along with the obligatory salute to their Führer.
‘Don’t forget to smile,’ Fred murmured, leaning in to kiss her cheek.
