Page 34 of The Pianist's Wife
‘Maxi,’ she whispered. ‘I’m so sorry.’
He stared down at her, as if he didn’t know what to say.
‘When Hans told me you’d married...’ he said. ‘Thinking of you was what kept me alive all this time, and then to come home and find out that you’d already moved on...’
Tears slipped down her cheeks as she looked over every inch of his face.
‘I never gave up hope, I promise you I didn’t, but after all that time passed, after you were reported missing, I wasn’t left with any choice.’
He made a noise in his throat as he turned away. ‘If we’d married before I left, if you’d said yes to me then...’ He shook his head. ‘I forced Hans to tell me where you lived, you know? He wouldn’t tell me, but I wouldn’t give up. I thought if I just saw you one last time...’
Amira closed her eyes and leaned into him, her face to his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. He felt thin, much thinner than when he’d left, but he was still her handsome Maxi.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘Maxi, I’m so, so sorry.’
‘Sorry isn’t going to stop you being married,’ he whispered against her hair, before gently pushing her away.
She brushed away fresh tears as he spoke. ‘Maxi, my marriage to Fred is one of convenience,’ she said, almost feeling as if she were betraying Fred, even though he’d given her permission to tell him. ‘He sadly lost his sweetheart, and when we met I suppose we were kindred spirits in a way. But he’s given me a home and a name, he saved me when I thought I had no one left, and for that I will always be grateful.’
Maxi gazed down at her, his eyes burning into her skin. ‘When you say it’s a marriage of convenience...’
She closed her eyes, taking a deep, relieved breath. ‘I’m trying to tell you that we have not consummated our marriage. It is nothing more than companionship.’
When she opened her eyes, she saw that his had widened in surprise.
‘What are you trying to tell me?’
‘That I love you,’ she said, fighting tears. ‘That I only married because I had to, because I thought I was never going to see you again. That not saying yes to marrying you when I could was the stupidest mistake of my life.’
Maxi looked torn, but she saw the heat in his eyes when he spoke, his words a whisper. ‘Amira, I’m only here for three daysbefore I have to return to the Eastern Front. I was supposed to have longer, but it wasn’t to be.’
She stood on tiptoe and pressed a kiss to his cheek. ‘Then I shall find a way to spend as much of those three days with you as I can.’
He reached out as if to brush a strand of hair from her face, before dropping his hand. As if he wasn’t certain whether he could touch her or not.
‘If I organised a room at the Hotel Kaiserhof or the Hotel Atlas,’ he said, ‘would you come?’
Amira took a deep breath, and when she exhaled she felt as if it shuddered all the way down to her toes. She should say no. She’d criticised Fred for going out after dark alone, and yet here she was about to say yes to meeting a lover at a hotel? It was far more risky than what Fred had done, but as she looked up at the man she loved, a man who was going to be gone again in only three days’ time, she knew she couldn’t say anything other than yes.
‘Yes,’ she eventually said. ‘I’ll come.’
Maxi stroked his hand across his stubbled cheek. ‘And after I leave? What will you do then?’
‘I shall return to my husband, as I have to,’ she said, quickly, not wanting to dwell on her marriage when she’d just agreed to meet him at a hotel. ‘But if it means spending the rest of my life with you, I shall get a divorce after the war so we can be together.’
‘You think Fred would agree?’
It would have been so easy to tell him, to whisper the words of truth to him in that moment, but instead she just nodded and smiled. ‘Fred is a very reasonable man. He wouldn’t want me to stay married to him if I no longer wanted to be.’
‘I hope you’re right about that.’
‘I am.’ Amira felt giddy with excitement, breathless as she grinned at him, taking a few steps backwards. ‘I promise.’
‘Amira?’
She waited.
‘Are you certain there’s still a chance for us? You’re not just saying that because I’ve come home all banged up and bruised and you feel sorry for me?’
