Page 5 of The Pianist's Wife
Amira stared down at the simple wooden casket one last time and remembered the pretty lilac-coloured dress they’d buried her mother in, imagining that she was going to be waiting for them at home wearing it, her hair loose about her shoulders as she waved to them from the door. She would never forget the way her father had gazed at her mother when she was wearing it only three years earlier, before the sickness and everything else; the way they’d once danced around the living room in each other’s arms, as if they hadn’t a care in the world.
‘Amira!’
Gisele?She’d barely turned when her friend flung her arms around her, holding her so tightly that Amira could hardly breathe. She’d never felt so relieved to see anybody.
Her father left her side to shake hands with someone and thank them for coming, which gave her the chance to hurry off with Gisele without him noticing. When they reached the edge of the gravestones they began to run, only stopping when they could hide behind the trees, out of sight of those gathered.
‘I didn’t think you’d be able to make it,’ Amira said, slightly out of breath as they sat down on the grass. ‘Does your mother know where you are?’
Gisele shook her head. ‘She thinks I’m meeting friends from my Jungmädelbund group.’
Amira toyed with the edge of her skirt, before finally looking up. ‘I miss her already. She’s only just gone and I already miss her so much. I don’t know what we’ll do without her.’
Gisele reached for her hand and wrapped it in both of hers. They’d seen each other as much as they could since everything had changed, but now that Amira wasn’t allowed to attend the same school as her, and with Gisele’s parents forbidding her from going to Amira’s house or inviting her to theirs, it had been difficult. But they’d taken to writing notes and hiding them for each other, and secretly planning to meet sometimes in the early evening when they knew they wouldn’t be caught. And now, as they sat together, they didn’t need to say a word to know what the other was thinking. It was the way their friendship had always been.
Voices alerted them to the fact they were no longer alone, and they huddled tightly against the tree, their backs pressed against the rough bark to make sure no one could see them. Amira had often wished to be invisible over the past year, and never more so than today when she heard what the two women were saying; women who’d been friends with her mother at some point, or so she’dthought. Women who’d come over for tea, who’d been perfectly happy to sit in her mother’s front room and sip from their finest china, until one day when they’d suddenly stopped coming.
‘If you ask me, that poor family will be better off now, don’t you think?’
‘She was nice enough before we knew better, but to think she was living so close to us!’
‘I dare say that Güntha will be on the lookout for a proper German wife now.’
‘He must have been sick to the stomach knowing what his wife was, but he wouldn’t have wanted to break his vows and end the marriage.’
‘I don’t know if any German woman will be keen on the daughter though, so he might find it hard to meet someone new.’
‘What are they calling them now? The mixed-breed ones like his girl?’
Gisele shook her head and placed her hands over Amira’s ears. But Amira pushed Gisele’s hands away. As painful as it was, it wasn’t new to her. In the beginning it had been only a few mean boys, but now no one seemed to try to hide how they were feeling.
‘They’re calling them Mischlinge,’ the woman said, her voice hushed as if by even saying the word she was making herself dirty. ‘But no one knows if she’s a first-degree or second-degree one. It all depends on how many Jewish grandparents they have as to how bad they are.’
‘Well, thank goodness they’re not letting any of them go to our school anymore! It’s the only decent thing to do.’
The two girls sat in silence until the women were long gone, the pain of their words still lingering.
‘My mother was always the first to help them,’ Amira said. ‘When they had a new baby or someone was sick, she was alwaysthe first neighbour to cook meals and send baking over. It’s like they just forgot all of that.’
‘I don’t understand what’s happened to everyone,’ Gisele whispered. ‘It’s like they’ve all gone mad. Even my parents, it’s like they just woke up one morning and changed. They say the most horrible things, things I would never want you to hear. My mother’s the worst, it’s like all she cares about is being seen as this perfect party member.’ Gisele shook her head. ‘All she seems to think about is how to make the right friends and be invited to the right houses. It makes me sick.’
‘I just want to be normal again,’ Amira whispered. ‘I just want to go back to school again and walk down the street to get an ice cream without feeling like everyone is staring at me.’
Gisele wiped her nose with the back of her hand and sat up straighter. ‘Well, I don’t care what anyone says. I will always be your friend.’
‘I don’t want you to get in trouble for me,’ Amira said, sniffing back her tears. ‘If someone told your mother you were still seeing me...’
Gisele shook her head. ‘I don’t care what she says. I will always protect you, and when we’re older, my parents won’t be able to tell me what to do. I don’t believe what they’re saying about the Jews and I never will. It’s all a lie.’
‘But what if it never changes? What if I can’t go back to school? What if I never get to be a teacher or get married?’What if something worse happens?
‘That’s still going to happen, Amira, I’ll make sure of it,’ Gisele said. ‘Remember when we used to dream of moving to the city? You were going to become a teacher and I was going to become a famous musician? We were going to go to dances every weekend and do whatever we wanted?’
‘I remember.’ Of course she remembered. And Amira didn’t want to doubt her; Gisele had been loyal to her when everyone else had turned their backs, but she knew there was nothing Gisele could do to make sure she could still experience those things. It was as if everyone had forgotten that they’d once had Jewish friends, that they’d once all been the same. Until they suddenly weren’t.
She thought of the way her mother had touched her cheek, even in the last weeks, her palm cool against Amira’s face.This cannot go on for much longer, my love, her mother had told her.Everyone will come to their senses. There is no basis for this cruelty, we just have to hold our heads high, stay strong, and pray that it will all be over soon.
‘I have to go,’ Gisele said. ‘But I’ll see you again soon, I promise. I’ll hide a note for you in the garden, by the roses.’
