Page 72 of The Pianist's Wife
Amira ached to ask him about the children, to hear what they’d been doing and to enquire about Otto, too, but she knew they’d already said too much. She would simply have to wait and hope for a letter in return.
When Hans stood, he did a little walk about the barracks as if he were doing a general inspection, before tapping twice on the door for it to be opened.
‘You would like to see the crematorium now?’ one of the outside guards asked. ‘It’s working to capacity again, so I think you’ll be very happy with our current output.’
Amira didn’t know if it was the pregnancy or the idea of the bodies they were burning, but she vomited right there where she was standing as she heard the rhythmic clack-clack of Hans’ boots walking away.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Gisele
‘We haven’t seen your friend in a long while,’ Mathilde said. ‘You know, your friend Amira?’
Gisele’s body froze but she forced her fingers to keep moving, her breath shallow. ‘I haven’t seen her either,’ she said. ‘She did mention that she had an aunt who was unwell, so perhaps she’s gone to visit her?’
‘Still, she didn’t turn up to help us ever again after that first time volunteering. I didn’t take her for someone who’d turn her back on her responsibilities.’
‘Well, I heard that there was a scandal with her husband just before Christmas,’ Jan whispered, leaning in to them. It was as if she didn’t want anyone to overhear, but Gisele knew these women well enough to know that they traded in gossip. They loved wheneveryoneoverhead them. ‘It was the reason she had to disappear so suddenly.’
‘Oh?’ Gisele said, trying to appear uninterested even as her heart began to pound. ‘He was such a talented pianist. I haven’t heard a thing.’
‘Didn’t you go to the College of Music with him?’ Mathilde asked. ‘Isn’t that how he came to be invited to play for us that night?’
‘Yes, but that was many, many years ago. But then I met Hans and left all that behind me, so it doesn’t even feel as if that life belonged to me, it was such a long time ago.’ She hoped that her lies were convincing, because to her own ears they sounded very much like the lies they were.
‘Well, regardless, I heard that he was arrested for being more interested in men than women, if you know what I mean.’ Jan’s eyebrows were pointed and her eyes were wide, and all the other women listening gasped.
‘That’s ridiculous,’ Gisele said, hoping that no one had noticed the shake in her voice. ‘Amira was head over heels in love with Fred and he appeared to be a very doting husband, and I saw that first-hand at their wedding. Its sounds like nothing more than an awful rumour to me, don’t you think?’
‘And she was pregnant!’ Mathilde exclaimed. ‘I can’t believe it.’
‘Well you should believe it, because my husband knewallabout the arrest,’ Jan said. ‘He was initially involved in the arrest of an entire group of men, all fraternising at some underground establishment for men with thoseproclivities, if you know what I mean. He was revolted by the whole thing and said it was extremely satisfying taking them out of our community.’
Gisele set down the trousers she’d been folding. ‘Jan, what you’re saying...’
‘One of these men confessed to the SS men that Fred was one of them,’ she continued, seemingly unconcerned about Gisele’s interjection. ‘Apparently they beat him within an inch of his life until he finally gave them what they wanted. In the end, he sung like a little bird to give his friend up to the Gestapo.’
Gisele tried to ignore the tears forming in her eyes, but these women were like vultures, and Mathilde immediately saw how upset she was.
‘Gisele, what are you crying for? If it’s true what he did—’
‘You all pretended to be friends of Amira’s, and you all sat there and listened to him play the piano, praising him for being a visionary in the field of music,’ she said, quickly wiping at her face. ‘And yet here you are, happy to gossip about a man who that very friend is expecting a baby with. Her husband, no less! You should all be ashamed. I can’t believe I’m the only one with the decency to be heartbroken for her.’
Mathilde had the graciousness to look taken aback, embarrassed even, but Jan just placed her hands on her hips and gave Gisele a cold stare.
‘You think our Führer wants a man like that in society?’ she asked. ‘If you ask me, they should kill them all, and I’ll say whatever I like about him.’
Gisele knew how carefully she had to consider her words, especially now that all the women gathered were staring at her, waiting for her to reply.
‘I’m not questioning our Führer. I have always been the most loyal of party members,’ she said. ‘I would only like to show a woman who is our friend a degree of respect. At the very least, could we not have the heart to imagine what it must be like for her? Because if we’re talking about our Führer, I think he would expect us all to support one another, especially as mothers. And it does sound as if your husband has been talking very freely about secret operations,’ Gisele added pointedly.
Mathilde hurriedly told them all to return to their work, but Gisele knew that she’d made an enemy in Jan. It certainly hadn’t been her intention, but she had, nevertheless. And despite tryingher hardest to defend Amira, she felt guilty for even being part of the conversation in the first place.
But like the good German she was pretending so hard to be, she fixed a smile and continued to fold and sort the clothes, imagining what it must have been like for Amira when she’d been here with this same group of women. How it must have felt to touch clothes that had been taken from people just like her, to know that the women she was sitting shoulder to shoulder with would be ruthless in their judgement of her if they ever found out about her, or Fred.
Gisele bent her head and listened as the women started to speak again, but all she could think of was Amira and what she might be doing, what it was like for her. The wind had been biting this morning, the cloud cover making the day cold and dreary, and she had no idea whether she would be warm enough, whether she had shelter, whether she had enough food. Hans hadn’t been forthcoming when she’d questioned him, which told her that she wouldn’t like the answer if he was.
Please come home, she silently prayed.Please Amira, I can’t live this life without you. I can’t.
