Page 86 of The Pianist's Wife
Gisele dropped to her knees then, and Amira went with her, cradling her on the floor, the thick rug cushioning them as she rocked her like a child. Her elation at touching Amira’s stomach had disappeared as quickly as it had arrived, and she was broken from the pain of losing her husband all over again.
‘He’s not coming home,’ Gisele whispered. ‘Amira, my Hans isn’t coming home.’
‘No, my love, he’s not, and I’m so, so sorry.’
There was nothing else Amira could say, and so she cried with her, her tears leaving Gisele’s hair damp as they both cried for what they’d lost, and for what could have been. For everything they’d fought for.
They were never going to grow old and holiday at the beach house they’d dreamed of; she was never going to see Maxi again, and Gisele was never going to see Hans. But they were both alive, and no matter what pain she’d suffered, Amira would never, ever take that for granted. They had their children, and they had each other.
Fred walked back into the room then, and Amira’s eyes met his, his smile as kind and reassuring as always.And I have Fred.Shehad lost a lot, but she’d also gained a man who loved her with all his heart, in his own way, and who she knew would be the most amazing father to her child. A man who would never walk away from her and the life she was carrying.
‘I’ve just heard news of the Allies’ advancement on the wireless,’ Fred said, his voice low as he walked towards them. ‘Amira, the Americans have arrived at Buchenwald.’
‘Truly? The Allies have reached Buchenwald? They’re in Weimar?’
‘Yes, my love. The Allies are closing in.’
Fred dropped to his knees then, too, and Amira opened an arm to him, smiling through her tears as he joined them on the floor.
‘We’re going to be able to leave?’ she whispered, as she realised that was probably why no one had notified Gisele. It would be all hands on deck as the Allies advanced, or perhaps more like every German for himself.
‘We’re going to be able to leave,’ he whispered back. ‘It’s almost over, Amira. This war, this nightmare, it’s almost behind us.’ Tears streamed down his cheeks as he held them.
He was right, it was almost over, but for those of them still alive, it would be a nightmare that lived on forever, the cruelty etched into their minds, the pain piercing their souls. But they would go on. Even Gisele, eventually, would make her peace with what had happened, because in times like this, they had no choice other than to keep going.
They were the survivors, alive when so many others were not.
I will live for you, Mama. And you, Papa. And you, my beloved Maxi.
Amira would live because she’d been given the gift of life, and she wouldn’t take it for granted. Not now, and not ever.
Chapter Forty
New York, 2006
‘Amira, you chose to stay married after the war, even though you and Frederick could easily have gone your separate ways when you finally arrived in New York,’ Madison said. ‘May I ask why? Why stay married and not just remain friends?’
Amira smiled. She knew it was a difficult concept for younger generations to understand; they couldn’t seem to fathom why Fred had kept himself hidden, how they could stay as husband and wife for reasons other than passion. Why they’d felt they couldn’t be themselves.
‘Because the love we shared ended up lasting a lifetime, and because companionship suited us both after what we’d endured,’ she said. ‘We couldn’t imagine being parted, not after everything we’d been through, after what we’d survived together. Not being husband and wife? It was never something we discussed, because it was just who we were, especially after our daughter arrived. There is still something to be said for feeling safe.’
‘So you loved him, then? As a companion?’ Madison asked. ‘Despite it all, you would describe it as a loving union?’
‘It was true companionship, a relationship that I am so fortunate to have experienced. We both knew passionate love with thepartners we lost during the war, but after that, we were content with the friendship we had,’ she said. ‘We were content with each other, we felt safe with each other, and we never had to pretend that we weren’t still in love with the partners we’d lost. And we shared something that no one else could possibly have understood – irrational fears and a barrage of emotions after our time at Buchenwald.’
Madison was silent for a long moment, and so Amira continued.
‘Whether other people can understand our relationship or not isn’t my concern, it never has been. But we kept each other’s secrets and loved each other deeply in our own special way, and no one can ever take that away from us. No one has ever loved me more than Fred has, and I know the same is true of my love for him. It was simply a different type of love, a platonic love, but a love nonetheless. It was enough, for both of us.’
Madison cleared her throat. ‘Your daughter, Esther,’ she said, hesitantly, as if she didn’t truly want to ask the question. ‘Did she know that Frederick wasn’t her biological father? Was it something you ever felt the need to share with her?’
Amira’s eyes filled with tears once more, and she sat quietly until the moment had passed. Of all the questions she’d been asked, this was the one she found hardest to answer. Not because she didn’t know what to say, but because she’d always felt as if Fred was Esther’s true father and hadn’t wanted him to feel as if he were anything less. By the time Esther was born, Amira had felt as if even she believed that Fred was the only father her baby had ever had.
‘Frederick was Esther’s father in every way that mattered. Did she know that I was in love with someone else when she was conceived?’ Amira nodded. ‘Yes, she did. Fred was the most loving, loyal father to Esther, but she knew about Maxi. I couldn’t keep him secret, not from my own daughter, not when he meant so much to me. And Fred understood.’
‘And you and Gisele, did you stay in touch after the war?’
Amira smiled at the mention of her friend’s name.
