Page 4 of The Secret Librarian
‘Isn’t that Michael of yours just wonderful?’
Avery nodded, blinking away unexpected tears as she scrubbed one of the plates.
‘He’s going to make an incredible husband, Avery.’
‘What if I don’t want to get married though?’ Avery whispered. ‘What if I want to keep my job and—’
‘Pre-wedding nerves, that’s all,’ her mother interrupted. ‘Don’t go getting all taken with fanciful ideas, because the only thing that will make you happy in this life is a husband and family of your own. Don’t you forget how lucky you are, because one day you’ll look back and realise I was right.’
‘But—’
‘You got your degree and you have your job, Avery. What more do you want?’ Her mother sounded exasperated. ‘There’s only so long a man like Michael will wait, and you can’t keep playing at this independent-woman nonsense forever.’
Avery held her tongue, knowing there was no use in arguing, not when her mother was set on an idea. The thing was, she was very fond of Michael; she just had the most overwhelming feeling sometimes that she was too young for marriage, and that perhaps he wasn’t actuallythe one. That there was supposed to be more to her life than being married with a baby on the way when she was barely twenty-three. Not to mention that she was fond of him in the same way she might have been a brother, or a puppy even, which she was fairly certain wasn’t how a woman was supposed to feel about the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with. There was also the fact that she’d rather work than spend her days cooking and folding laundry, which didn’t exactly align with marriage.
‘You’re right,’ Avery found herself saying, as much to reassure herself as her mother. ‘It’s just pre-wedding jitters, nothing more.’
Her mother patted her hand. ‘Better to have them now than closer to the wedding,’ she said. ‘And you just keep reminding yourself what a lucky girl you are, do you hear me?’
Avery rinsed off the final plate and let the water out of the sink, at the same time as her mother tucked something into the pocket of her dress.
‘This arrived for you today,’ she said. ‘I would have given it to you earlier, but everyone was already here when you got home from work and I forgot until now.’
Avery couldn’t hide her smile, and she quickly dried her hands so she could hold it. She turned the envelope over, knowing it was from her cousin Jack, and she couldn’t wait to read it.
‘Don’t you go disappearing to read that until Michael’s gone, though,’ her mother called as she darted out of the kitchen.
But Avery didn’t care what she said, and besides, Michael wouldn’t miss her in the time it took to read one letter. If they hadn’t been subjected to blackout drills, she would have run to the porch and sat beneath one of the outdoor lights, but instead she went to her bedroom and lay on her front on her bed, sliding her nail beneath the seal and hurriedly opening the two small sheets of paper inside. Letters from Jack were as rare as could be, and she always spent days rereading them and imagining the kind of adventure he was on, trying to picture where he might be as he wrote.
Dear Avery,
I know I promised I’d write every week, but sometimes it’s all I can do to keep my eyes open to eat something before falling asleep at the end of each day. I can’t tell you where I am or what we’re doing, it’ll only be censored, but let me tell you that I can’t believe the places I’ve seen. For a boy who’d never travelled further than New Jersey, there’s a big wide world out here that I couldn’t have even imagined.
I showed your photo to some of the boys here, and let me tell you they were hollering and begging to meet you oncethis war is over. I tried to tell them that you’d be getting married soon, but they wouldn’t hear of it. Speaking of marriage, have you told Michael that you want to delay the big day for a bit longer? After the war we can travel together and see the world properly, if that’s still what you want to do. We only get one chance at this thing called life, Avery, and we have to make the most of it.
I’m sorry about the mud smudged on the paper, but it’s pretty hard to stay clean here. What I wouldn’t give for a hot bath right now, or a swim in that lake we always went to in the summer when we were kids. You know, it’s scary here and I know it’s only going to get worse, but there’s something about being away from home that’s freeing, you know? Like I’m a different person away from the expectations of my father. You know what I mean, you’re the only person who’s ever known what I mean, so I won’t keep trying to explain it.
Anyway, I have to go, sending love and a big hug. Have a slice of pudding for me and remember to be brave.
Jack.
Avery read his letter for a second time and then held it to her chest, closing her eyes as she rolled on to her back. The letters Jack sent her were everything – they were cousins who’d been best friends since they could talk, and she missed him like crazy every single day that he was gone. But more than anything, she had the most overwhelming feeling that Jack was off living his life and having some grand adventure, while she was left behind, about to try on wedding dresses for a ceremony she wasn’t even sure shewanted to be part of. He was also the only person who knew the truth about what she felt for Michael, and why she was so reluctant to get married.
‘Avery! Where are you?’ her sister called. ‘We’re going to play a game and we need you!’
Avery took a deep breath before rising and putting the letter on her bedside table to read again later. It wasn’t that she didn’t love her life, it was just that she had the most overwhelming sensation of wanting more. Of wishing she had more control over her life and the decisions that were being made for her, instead of always having to do what was expected.
‘Coming!’ she called back, determined to push her thoughts away and enjoy the rest of the evening, playing charades with her family.
Don’t you forget how lucky you are. Her mother’s words echoed in her mind as she put on a bright smile and went to sit beside Michael, his hand finding hers and squeezing her fingers as Avery’s sister leapt to her feet and entertained them with her terrible attempt at acting.
But no matter how hard she tried to stop her mind from wandering, she couldn’t help but think about the letter on her nightstand, and how much she wished she was having an adventure overseas alongside her cousin, instead of being stuck in the same place she’d been her entire life.
Chapter Two
Avery
Avery walked down the aisle and held her hand out, her fingers skimming the spines of the books on the shelf. As a child, she’d spent hours in the New York Public Library, dreaming of one day writing her own book and seeing her name emblazoned across the cover, and it was at times like this that she remembered that little girl and wondered whether she might have become a writer if her family had approved. Her other dream had been to write for a newspaper, but her parents had thought that as horrendous as if she’d asked for permission to be a circus performer, which was how she’d settled on becoming a librarian.
