Page 25 of Code of Heart
“It also makes writing harder—my penmanship was and still is a constant battle. It’s mentally draining to try to decode something like that. People assumed I was lazy and unmotivated because I was tired all the time. I fell asleep at my desk on more than one occasion because I was trying so hard that it was physically taxing.”
He swallowed audibly and turned to gaze out the window. He hated talking about these experiences. He hated feeling weak and vulnerable.
“Being mocked like that, at my own company, which was meant to be a safe place for people like me…I haven't felt that low in a long time. So, when he took another shot at me about my past and very public relationship failures, I was caught completely off guard. I don't know what came over me, but the next thing I knew, I had announced a fiancée I didn’t have.”
Despite his best efforts, Levi felt inadequate again, his voice beginning to waver. “I guess I snapped and didn't want to continue feeling like a failure.”
Levi forced himself to face her. Estrella was still unmoving, still watching him with that unflinching and intense stare.
It was really starting to creep him out.
“In talking with my friends, they ultimately pushed me to finally stop and think about—an intervention of sorts. It made me realize what I've been ignoring for quite a long time now…” he trailed off softly.
He examined his trembling hands as they rested on the table. Clenching them into tight fists, he shifted them to his lap, while searching for the right words to explain.
He hated rambling—but he powered through.
“The reason I already love this kitchen is because it feels like a home—that’swhat I want. I have a large house, but it's not ahome. It's cold, empty, and I hate being there. I hate it so much that I work almost all the time because I don’t have time to think about how alone I am. But I was brutally reminded this week,” he said bitterly, “that Iapparentlydon’t make good choices when it comes to selecting partners.”
Levi looked Estrella directly in the eyes and with all the conviction he could summon, he revealed, “I want a home to share with someone who loves me, flaws and all, that I love just as acceptingly. I needed a kick in the ass to wake me up and, unfortunately, this Board member was the one who delivered it.”
His deepest desire and his worst fear.
Every aspect of the silent battle he had waged within himself for the past few years was out in the open, no longer contained or repressed within him.
Levi held his breath and waited several moments for her to speak, acutely aware that patience was a test of sorts and one he desperately needed to pass. The longer the silence stretched, the more anxious he became, the air in the room suffocating with every second that ticked by.
The torrent of colors in her eyes began to subside, returning to a more static blue. Estrella then snapped out of whatever trance she had been in and took a slow, contemplative sip of her coffee.
“Fate sends us signs all the time. But it’s up to us to decide if we are ready to see and understand them,” she finally said. “I have to agree with you here—while it wasn’t the most preferred method of delivery coming from your Board member, it was, in fact, a sign you needed.” Her lips quirked up in mild amusement.
Just as quickly, her expression dimmed, and a hint of sadness crept into her tone. “I can sense how weary you are from the toll that the extra effort you expend fitting into this world has taken on your soul.”
Something in Levi’s chest eased at her words. She straightened as her face brightened.
“The good news is that I’m confident I can help you find a match…I may even have a prospect in mind who is currently being vetted.But,” her tone sharpened, “you need to be committed to truly finding your other half,nota temporary placeholder. Otherwise, this will be a waste of everyone’s time. So, be undeniably sure before moving forward—before you tell me what it is you want.”
He didn’t miss a beat, answering earnestly. “I want to find my match.”
It was late evening, and Levi was still beside himself.
He had never revealed so much about himself in one sitting to anyone, let alone a stranger, the words yanked from him by some invisible force.
He didn’t know what to make of it.
The rest of their time together continued well past lunchtime. Estrella was courteous enough to provide sandwiches and homemade lemonade as she laid out the next steps of the matchmaking process.
Levi’s head swam as he recalled the detailed discussion about the psychological profiling, lifestyle analysis, and in-depth interviews he would have to do. If he took the time off from work and fully immersed himself, he could get it all done within two or three days.
Still…It was an intimidating level of information, and the blind nature of the match—which included no photos or names until the wedding—had him second-guessing this decision.
Estrella reinforced her perfect record of accomplishment and reminded him that he had a choice in the process…only to casually hint that she may already have someone in mind for him.
Thatcaught Levi’s attention, confirming what Ivy told him.
With time running out and leaving no room to wrestle with the vulnerability of marrying a stranger, Levi agreed to return the next day at 8:00 AM sharp, fully invested and fully committed.
It was all he could think about for the rest of the night. He drifted off to sleep, praying it was true: that he would have a match.
