Page 29 of Yours
Chapter 9
Scott
Sitting down on the couch with Dare curled up on my lap and his legs stretched out over Ryan’s lap wasn’t how I’d pictured having this conversation. In my head, it’d involved a lot of pacing and possibly hiding; this was a lot more exposed than I’d imagined.
Dare’s position on my lap also meant I was stuck, which might have been his intention or just random luck. He’d made it pretty clear at the bar that his preferred place to sit was on one of us, so he probably didn’t even realize he was neatly trapping us into staying put even if things got stressful.
Not that I thought Ryan would react badly…I was more concerned with dying of embarrassment.
Not that there was anything to be embarrassed about.
I just had to keep reminding myself that.
Dare liked it too, so even if Ryan thought it was odd, I wasn’t alone. That shouldn’t have mattered—I was old enough to stand up for what I liked and who I was—but it did. As I wrapped my arms around Dare, just the reminder that he was there with me made me feel warm and comforted.
Dare kept saying it would be fine. I just had to focus on that. It wasn’t crazy, and Ryan was my friend. It was going to be fine.
Ryan must have realized something was going on because he was just as quiet as I was. I stayed focused on Dare because I wasn’t sure what I would see on Ryan’s face, and Dare just radiated confidence and the feeling that everything would be okay.
Dare must have seen the stress on my face because he smiled and reached out to take one of Ryan’s hands and entwined it with my hand that was resting on his leg. When he had both of us wrapped up together, his smile turned more tender. “I think we have a few things we need to discuss. I’m not sure how to start, however, because it’s not things that involve just me.”
He was right. I wanted him to take the lead, but it was my story and not something he could handle for me, no matter how much I wanted him to. Ryan started to say something, but I beat him to whatever question he had. “I need to explain some things.”
Dare squeezed our hands, and Ryan quieted. I glanced over at his face, and I could see curiosity and something else I couldn’t decide on. Impatience…maybe worry. Whatever he was concerned about, I hoped my explanations cleared things up and didn’t make it harder for him.
Dare nodded and gave me an approving look. “Okay, we’re listening.”
I knew he was proud of me for not backing down, but that didn’t mean finding the words was easy. I sat there in silence for far too long before I forced out the words that were bouncing around in my head.
It came out a jumbled mess. “Do you know why I liked Ian so much? He never made me figure out how to please him or what he wanted. It didn’t take long in college before I realized most guys weren’t like him. They kept expecting me to be something else, and it was just awkward because it wasn’t me.”
It wasn’t until I stopped talking and Dare smiled that it occurred to me that I’d talked around it but hadn’t actually addressed the issue. I opened my mouth to keep going when Ryan broke his silence. “What do you mean Ian didn’t make you figure out what he wanted?”
His words were quiet, and I could hear something in his voice that said what he’d asked hadn’t really been what he wanted to know. I just wasn’t sure what else he was looking for. How much of the truth did he want?
“He was…really take-charge once he realized that it made me more…comfortable.” And that was clearly a copout.
Dare raised one eyebrow and glanced between the both of us. I was ready to keep talking, but Ryan started again. “Ian liked…being in charge.”
I nodded and peeked at Ryan. He looked…stunned. Was he okay? Did he understand?
I wasn’t sure what to do so I focused back on Dare with a questioning look. What did he think I should do?
He sighed, but smiled like we were both precious. “I think we’re going around in circles.”
The couch cushions shifted as Ryan and I both nodded. Dare’s smile widened to a silent laugh. When neither of us spoke, he started talking again. I was just relieved to have him finally take control. “How would you both feel if I spelled everything out?”
That was easy to answer. “Relieved.”
“Thrilled.” Ryan sounded like “relieved” would have been a good answer for him too.
Why was it so hard? He wasn’t upset about Ian; we’d always found it funny that we’d been “dating” him at the same time. And I wasn’t even sure if he’d understood what I’d been trying to say, so his reaction couldn’t have been about my liking to submit.
Because I hadn’t actually said it yet.
Dare chuckled quietly and took a deep breath. “Okay. Now I want you both to remember that you’re friends first and foremost. Right?”
We both nodded like bobblehead dolls, but I was too nervous to find it funny.
