Page 50 of The Cowboy's Downfall
Ian McKillop drifted in with two cold beers in his hands, caught the chill in the air, passed one beer to Nix and the other to Gunther, then fled back to the kitchen.
Dan and Jazz arrived before the tension could thicken. They appeared slightly taken aback by Taryn’s new style, but wisely said nothing. Gunther, a man of few words, also kept his thoughts to himself. Not Natalie.
“Taryn,” she breathed, and Nix braced himself for the scolding she was about to receive. “I hope you went to a salon and didn’t use cheap dye yourself. You’ll damage your hair.”
Shauna slid her arm around his waist while he was trying to recover from the waste of a good bracing. “I told you,” she whispered. “Taryn knows how to get Mom’s attention.”
Nix made it through dinner by employing Gunther’s tactic of staying silent. The family dynamics were interesting, however. Ian, who was twenty years older than Natalie, treated her more like a daughter. Natalie, in turn, treated her daughters like sisters—with Shauna taking on the role of the parent. By comparison, his own family was normal. Moments like this were what made him realize how much he missed them. It wouldn’t kill him to call. The worst thing that could happen was that he never saw them again.
They moved to the living room after dinner. Nix was about to call it a night when Natalie touched his arm.
“I need some fresh air and would love to go for a walk. Come with me,” she said, and Nix heard faint echoes of Shauna when she had her mind set. Maybe Natalie wasn’t as fluffy as she pretended. Her daughters sure as hell weren’t.
“I’ll come too,” Shauna said. She started to rise.
“No,” Nix said, because he knew what her mother wanted to say to him, and they might as well get this over and done with. He wasn’t good enough for her daughter. He didn’t bring anything to the relationship. He had no future lined up. His rodeo days were behind him and the money that might have set him up for something else was long gone. He knew all those things.
But he loved Shauna. He’d been confused about his feelings for her because of his marriage to Peg, and while marriage was out of the question, he most definitely wasn’t ready to give Shauna up. He wished he could tell her how he felt about her, but they’d never last, so there was no point in it other than to set himself up to have his heart broken and for her to feel bad.
He helped Natalie into her coat, then shrugged into his.
“After you,” he said, opening the door.
They stepped onto the McKillop front porch. Evening had settled and the stars were out in full force. Frost pinched Nix’s nostrils and cheeks. The Yellowstone River flowed a short distance away, and the faint roar of its current carried on the still air.
He offered Natalie his arm as they strolled onto the street in front of the house. They walked for a few minutes in silence.
Then, “My daughter seems serious about you,” Natalie said. “I’m curious as to what makes you so special. What brought you together?”
He could hardly go there with her mother.
“I’m not special. Far from it,” he said.
She laughed like Shauna, too. He found himself liking her, despite what was coming.
She squeezed his arm. “I know my own daughter—a lot better than she thinks. Let me tell you a few things about her.” She paused as if collecting her thoughts. A car drove past them, its headlights sweeping the street. “Shauna was this wild, headstrong little girl who taught herself how to be practical because I was a child, too, and one of us had to grow up. She and Taryn were a lot alike as babies, but the pendulum swung too far in either direction. Things were different for Taryn. She had a father and mother, and a big sister who mothered us all, because by then, that was all Shauna knew how to do. She likes to set boundaries and Taryn tramples all over them for attention. They both need to find their middle grounds, and I’d hoped by spending time together they might help each other do that. Taryn’s not there yet but thank you for helping Shauna reach hers.”
She’d thanked him for lowering Shauna’s standards? He’d expected this to be a far different conversation.
“Taryn likes you too,” Natalie continued. “In case you’re wondering what the black hair and the Emo boyfriend are all about. She wanted you to look good.”
“Remi’s not a bad guy,” was all Nix could think of to say. Someone had to stick up for the poor kid.
“Probably not. But Taryn’s not as interested in him as he is in her, and they aren’t going to last beyond the end of the school year. Which is lucky for him—she’ll break his heart, but it’s a lot better than ruining his life.”
She really did know her daughters.
“Don’t get too attached to me,” Nix said. “I lost everything in a bad divorce, and it will be years before I recover financially from it.”
“I’d forgotten how much male pride you western boys have. You’re a young man and fortunes change. Why can’t you and Shauna rebuild financially together?”
“Because she’s smarter than that.”
“She’s smart. Absolutely. But she cares about you. If you care about her, too, then you should have this conversation with her, and let her make up her own mind. She should have a say in her future.”
They’d circled the block by now and were headed back to the house. Nix hadn’t quite gotten his head around their conversation.
He loved Shauna. He recognized the emotion. But he’d been trapped in a bad relationship, and he wasn’t going to do that to her. He didn’t want them to grow apart because they didn’t have the same goals.
