Page 33 of Winter's Heart
He was kidding.Of course he was.Her mind was so muddled that she couldn’t see it at first.That was all.
“Sorry,” she said again, unable to think of the right thing to say.Some of her consternation must’ve shown on her face, however, because the frown came back, a real one this time.
“What’s the matter?You seem a little rattled.Did you have a bad dream?”
“No.No bad dream.I just couldn’t sleep.”
Jacob’s scowl deepened, and he let go of her so he could lever himself higher in the bed, eliciting a sharp intake of breath as he moved his injured leg.Now she’d done it.She hadn’t wanted to wake him, and not only was he now wide awake, but he was in pain because of her.
“Tell me what’s going on,” he demanded.“I can see it in your eyes, Nikki, you’re frightened.But of what?”
Was she scared?Perhaps she was.But not from any physical threat.This fear sprang from a well deep inside her.The fear of rejection.The fear of being left alone.Of the way he made her feel.And of never feeling like this ever again.
“I was just thinking…” She gulped and got off the bed, no longer able to sit still and stare into his eyes.At least this way, if he rejected her, she wouldn’t have to endure the excruciating pain of having to watch his eyes turn to shadow, slowly shutting her out.Jacob grabbed her hand at the last moment, anchoring her to his bedside, but she still refused to look at him.
“You were thinking?”he prompted.
“Umm, yes.I was thinking…wondering, really…what’s going to happen after…you know…after you get out of the hospital.I guess you have to go back to Sweden, but…”
“Nikki, look at me.”
It took all her courage, but she raised her gaze until she met his.
“You know I have American citizenship, don’t you?”
“Of course, I remember.”Nikki gulped some air, afraid even to think the words, let alone say them.Was he implying what she thought he was implying?
“So I can stay here as long as I like.”
“Hmm,” she answered with a noncommittal hum.Did that mean hewasgoing to stay?
“And I could even get a job here if I wanted.Because I think I may need a new one after my boss is finished with me.”He drew her toward him until she was close enough to lay his palm along the side of her face.She wanted to melt into his touch.
“But I guess there would be only one true reason to stick around.And that would be for you.Do you want me to stay, Nikki?”
Did she want him to?Oh, gosh, yes.
Could she tell him that?To his face?
Calling on all her strength buried deep inside, she stared into his eyes.Warm and brown and compassionate.The awareness made her catch her breath.He knew.He knew how she felt about him.But he waited patiently.Waited for her to say the words.
“With all my heart,” she whispered, letting herself drown in those whisky-colored eyes.“I know this might be crazy, because I was never one to believe in love at first sight, but I’ve fallen in love with you.”Her heart was pounding so hard against the inside of her ribcage, she was sure it was going to burst out of her body.
“We both must be a little crazy then,” he replied softly.“Because I never believed in love at first sight either.Until I met you.”Now her heart felt like it’d flown right out of her chest and was soaring high above them.So this was what pure happiness felt like.A feeling so strong it may destroy her.Burn her, cleanse her from the inside out, until there was nothing left but joy and yearning.
“So, you’ll stay?”She could barely believe it might be true.
“I think we should give this thing a chance.Don’t you?”
“Yes.”She clambered onto the bed, carefully straddling his hips, her lips fusing with his, her fingers running through the short hair at the nape of his neck.“Yes, yes, yes,” she breathed as she buried her face in his collarbone, drawing in the scent of him, feeling his powerful shoulders beneath her palms.
She lifted her head and stared into his eyes.This man was everything.They would make this work.She hadn’t said it, but even if she had to move to Sweden to be with him, she knew she would do so in a heartbeat.Her job was important to her; it was part of who she was and what she believed in.Her passion for preserving the wild places on this planet would always rule her heart and drive her onward.And she loved working at the Institute, but she would find another job if need be.Jacob was worth it.Love was worth it.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
THREE MONTHS LATER
Nikki was lost in thought, kneeling on the ground and staring at the gravestone as if it might somehow give her the answers she needed.She made sure to come and visit Tammy’s grave every week, sometimes sitting for an hour or more, looking at the marble and wishing things could’ve been different.Nikki had also been to visit Clark, Tammy’s husband, in the weeks after the funeral, and although that meeting had been heart wrenching, it’d offered Nikki a strange comfort, and perhaps Clark as well.But, how she missed her friend.A single tear rolled down her cheek.Gosh darn it, she’d promised herself she wouldn’t cry this time, but she still regretted not being able to attend Tammy or Antoine’s funerals.Perhaps if she had, then she would’ve felt some kind of closure, but as it was, she’d always mourn her friends taken too soon in such a violent manner.What was the world coming to if greed was the driving force behind everything humans did?
