Page 9 of The Quiet
Samual watched her hop on her horse, extending his hands up to her. Ella let him take one, not resisting this time when he pressed his thumb into her palm and wrapped her hands in his. Looking into her eyes, he said, “You’ve never been alone. You aren’t at war with brokenness, Ella. You’re at war with life.”
“What else can it do to me?” Ella laughed bitterly through the tears, wiping her face a final time.
“My daughter,” he said, a phrase he’d often used at the end of a difficult lesson or reprimand. It was the phrase of reconciliation. “You know my heart is with you. Listen,” Samual breathed, “Listen, please. Listen to the world around you. Listen to yourself before you do something brash. You have so much power. I only wish you could see it.”
“I’ve got to go,” she said, looking into the old man’s eyes as she swallowed hard, unsure why his words stung so badly. “I love you,” she added tersely.
His hands loosened around hers as if sensing the permanence of the goodbye. She turned and rode off, unwilling to look into Samual’s eyes and risk seeing her fate.
She felt numb on the ride back, focusing on the sounds of the horse’s hooves and shifting colors of the horizon until she reached the designated meeting spot she’d noted for Kay.
It was a remote hill overlooking much of the capital and had once been a discreet and quiet place for her team to gather and prepare for upcoming missions. Kay was standing almost at attention when she arrived. To her surprise, his horse had been saddled up similarly, and he was waiting in full uniform nearby.
She left her horse free to graze on patches of grass near the dilapidated shed where they hid from the sun. She walked through the silence between them, and when she was within reach, he handed her a wrapped handgun, a similar one on his hip. She caught sight of his horse. He’d brought all of her gear and provisions for her journey, and then brought just as much for himself.
“You’re packed,” Ella observed, unwrapping the gun as if it were a fragile message capable of slipping right through the cloth.
Ella got the sense that neither of them was keen on getting too emotional. She felt like a wrung cloth, eager to leave the capital and find relief in something else. The tortured glean in Kay’s eyes betrayed his silent rigor, and at last, he exhaled and embraced her in a stifled hug.
“You’re an idiot for doing this,” he said, Ella catching the faintest hints of strained emotions. No doubt he’d done his share of mourning since hearing the news. Kay was softer than she was, despite the rigidity of his intellectual exterior.
“You’re an idiot for coming with me.” Ella replied into his shoulder.
They separated, sharing a short walk to the nearby shed and settling down in the grass facing the city.
He cursed Crow’s name. “Making fools of us. Jade…Alex, neither of them deserved to die like that. You hear about casualties all the time. It’s brutal out there, but it’s just not…” Kay trailed off and seemed to veer away from the coming emotions. “Seems like Samual told you what you needed to know. Did he have any words of wisdom?”
“I put too much trust in Crow and that a Strike saved me from the embolism. He sounded like one of the street preachers that warn about Strike still existing among us.”
“I think half the city breathed a sigh of relief when Samual retired and moved out to that cabin,” Kay said, “I doubt the isolation has made him nicer.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “You think we’ll get shot in the eyes?”
“It’s where the name Crow comes from. There are worse ways to go than a sniper’s bullet,” she joked dryly.
Kay made a disgusted face, nervously tracing a scar over his brow. “I don’t want to be buried without my eyes.”
“We can replace them with grapes,” she said.
“Gross.”
Ella laughed with a desperate soreness in her chest. She needed to laugh so badly.
“Fate’s taking over my classes while I’m gone,” Kay replied after another minute.
“Did you tell him what was happening?”
“Bits and pieces. The two of you used to be so close.”
“The two of you are close,” Ella said evenly.
“I’m not the one he professed his love to,” Kay replied in the same tone and Ella didn’t respond, sensing that he had a specific purpose for bringing this up.
“Jade’s told me a few times before, but I need to ask before we do this. Can you tell me honestly, are you in love with Crow?”
Ella stared up at the sky and after a moment of silence replied with a simple, even, “No.”
They watched the rolling clouds, swallowing the horizon, shifting the colors in the sky like a kaleidoscope. The thunder drummed above them. A light breeze brought the first sprinkling of rain.
“I can’t make up another answer,” she added.
