Page 74 of Reforming Lord Ragsdale
Emma laughed and pulled Tim closer. “Very well! If you must be solicitous, I suppose there is nothing I can do about it. Go on now, Tim, and speak to Lasker.”
“There isn’t anything you can do about it,” Lord Ragsdale agreed after Tim left, his equanimity restored. “I learned from Governor Macquarie that the lord inspector will sail too. You will be in quite distinguished company, so you might brush up on your manners.”
“You seem determined that I remain firmly in your debt,” she protested with a smile.
“Of course,” he agreed cheerfully. “I like to have people owe me.”
It is more than I could ever repay, she thought,but a burden I gladly bear.She went to the door, then turned back on impulse and kissed him.
Why am I doing this?she thought as his arms went around her and held her close. He was incredibly easy to kiss, and once begun, difficult to leave off. Her hands went to his hair then. She had always admired his thick hair, and she wondered if it felt as good as it looked. It did, to her gratification, and to his pleasure, obviously, because he sighed and continued kissing her.
We simply must stop this kiss, she thought, and then didn’t think anymore, finding herself more occupied with the rapidity of her heartbeat and the pleasant feel of him.I am being kissed by an expert, she thought.It was nice before, but this is infinitely better.
He seemed in no hurry to end the experience, except that someone had the bad timing to knock on the book room door. Lord Ragsdale released her and began to straighten his neckcloth. “Drat!” he muttered, even as she went to the window and stared out, hoping that the intruder did not have intense scrutiny in mind. Her cheeks felt flaming hot, and she stood there, astounded at her own temerity.This indenture is not ending a moment too soon, she thought as Lasker opened the door, announced dinner after a quick look around, then took himself off again.
“Dear me,” she murmured when the room seemed awfully silent.
“Dear me, indeed,” said Lord Ragsdale, sounding quite as out of breath as she felt. “If I had known how you felt about release from your indenture, I’d have signed that blooming document once each day, maybe twice.”
The enormity of her indiscretion nearly removed what breath she had left.I must be losing my reason, she thought, measuring the distance between the window and the door and wondering why it looked so far away. And there was Lord Ragsdale, his face flushed, his eye decidedly bright.
“I cannot imagine what you think of me,” she said, feeling such intense shame that she thought she would melt with it. “Dear me,” she said again, her voice more faint this time.
To her acute discomfort, Lord Ragsdale came no closer but continued to regard her, his expression thoughtful. He started to smile then, and her shame deepened. He sat on a corner of his desk.
“How odd, Emma,” he commented, not looking at her now but gazing over her shoulder. “You have worked so hard to redeem me, but I wonder if you have succeeded.” He grinned at her stupefied silence. “I suppose that would depend on what your aims were. Did you really plan for me to fall in love with you?”
She shook her head, astounded at his words, wishing he had not said them. “I was out of order,” she said when she thought she could manage complete sentences.
“Well, no, actually, I thought you followed through in remarkably fine order,” he commented as he gave a final tug to his neckcloth.
She edged toward the door. “You simply have to disregard my behavior.”
He shook his head. “I am able to forget a considerable number of things, but I don’t think my amnesia would extend that far.”
“I was improper,” she said.
“Decidedly. I wonder why I am not bothered by that?” he asked, more to himself than to her.
What can I say to this man?she thought miserably.I can only wish that ship were leaving in fifteen minutes.In another moment there was no need to decide. Someone knocked on the door.
“Cut line, Lasker,” Lord Ragsdale snapped, giving her reason to suspect that he was not so calm as he appeared. “We won’t perish if the peas are cold.”
I will if this conversation continues, she thought. She went to the door and opened it, not turning around when Lord Ragsdale called her name. In another moment, he grabbed her arm.
“Emma, please,” he insisted. “We need to talk.”
“There is nothing to say, my lord,” she replied, retreating behind her formal exterior again. “I will remind you that you are engaged to Clarissa and I am bound for Australia. Good night, my lord. I think I would rather eat belowstairs with Tim. We came somewhat close to forgetting ourselves, didn’t we?”
Chapter 21
Iam a coward, shethought that evening as she stayed belowstairs with Timothy and listened to him tell her of his life with the Holladays. She held him close, her arm tight around him, and gradually allowed good sense to reclaim her. After she was sure that Lord Ragsdale had left the house for the evening, she prepared a pallet on the floor of her attic room and took Tim there. They spoke of the coming voyage until she could almost forget what had happened in the book room.
This is the reality of my life, she told herself firmly.We are sailing to an unknown place, and we do not know what we will find. We will be among soldiers and convicts.She sighed and looked down at Tim, whose eyes were closing slowly, even as she watched. She touched his shoulder, then pulled his blanket higher, marveling all over again in the pleasure of seeing him.Am I wrong to take him along to this dreadful place? Lord Ragsdale said he would take him to Norfolk.
“Emma, I wish you would answer me,” he was saying.
“What? What?” she asked, guilty at the thousand directions her mind was taking.
