Page 52 of Miss Whittier Makes a List
She wassilent,appreciating his plain speaking, even as it twisted her insides like a knife.“I need to think about this, Daniel, because right now my answer is no.”
He considered her words.“And you do not wish it to be no?”
She shook her head, unable to think of words to express herself. There is so much we Quakers leave unsaid, she thought as she looked at Daniel, and thee would never understand such silence.
“I truly would like to know how you feel about me, Hannah,”he asked at last.“You kiss me as though you want me, but you have never said so. Tell me in words, my dear.”
“I could lie to you,”she temporized.
“I do not think you are capable of it,”he replied, putting his armabout her shoulder and pulling her closer.“Oh, tonight I watched you tease and flirtwith the best of them, but—”
“And I should do none of that,”she interrupted.“I was not raised to be so dissimulating.”
He leaned back and smiled into the dark.“I suppose it would be hard to resist at your age, especially with so many of my friends admiring you. Come on, Hannah, you’re just avoiding my original request.Do you love me? Am I essential to your happiness?”
“Yes,”she whispered, the word wrenched out of her,“but it’s very uncomfortable, Daniel. I do not see much happiness ahead for me, no matter how much I love thee. And that is why I say no.”
He was quiet a long moment. He took his arm from around her shoulder and leaned forward, isolating himself.“I suppose you are right,”he agreed finally.“I have told you that I will be at sea, and you will be in a foreign land.”
She nodded.“Do people in your country ever compromise?”
“Some do, I suppose. I do not.If you love me and wish to marry me, you will be an Englishwoman, living on my estate inDorset,and I will be at sea as long as Napoleon requires it. That could be years.”He spoke quietly, but with great intensity.“And better than most wives, you will know how dangerous that is.”
“Thee would not give up the sea for me,but remain inEngland?”
“Never.”
“You would not give up your country,and go to sea in my land?”
“No.”
“Then I would be the one giving up everything,”she said, her voice low.
“Yes, as things stand now.”He reached for her hand again,and his eyes were pleading with her.“I would like to think that my love for you would be sufficient compensation for your losses.”
She was silent again. He kissed her fingers.“At least consider my offer,Lady A.”
“I will consider it,”she agreed.
Three days later, she stood with Captain Spark’s armabout her as Adam Winslow sailed for Boston on theElizabeth Young.He was only going home ahead of her,she told herself, but when she finally had to say goodbye and watch him cross the gangplank to the ship, her heartfailed her. She started for the gangplank,but the heavy pressure of Spark’sarmon her waist kept her where she was.
“Just give me a chance, Hannah,”Spark said as she strained against his arm.“You promised.”
So she remained where she was, crying and waving goodbye to Adam, who blew her a kiss and held up the letter she had given to him for her parents. She had written the letter over and over, sitting in the bookroom with Daniel, trying to find the words to say that she had decided to remain a while longer inEngland, and thatperhaps when she saw them next,she would be amarriedwoman.
“There’s no easy way to write it, my love,”Spark had told her the night before when the clock struck eleven and he rose to stretch.“Just put it in an envelope.”/p>
She had chosen the best letter of the fifteen she had written and done as he said, leaving it outside Adam’s door for him to find in the morning. And now he waved it back at her like a condemnation, and she wished she had made no promises to Captain Spark, as much as she loved him.
She missed Adam Winslow more than she cared to admit to herself,even as she smiled and made herself pleasant to the many female callers who brought their cards and their company to the house on Half Moon Street during the next week. They were mostly dowagers and matrons of Lady Spark’s age, but some brought their own daughters in tow to meet the American heroine. They spoke of everything and nothing as they talked for hours over ratafia and tea cakes in the drawing room, admired each others’clothes, and stared Hannah up and down when they thought she wasn’t looking.
Lady Spark was in her element, accepting their visits with high pleasure.“My dear, once you are safely riveted to my son, and the season begins in the spring, you will be the toast of the town!”she declared over luncheon after the morning’s tumult of guests had giggled and admired their last and been shown to the door, with protestations to return soon.
“I do notseehow that can be, seeing that I have not accepted his proposal,”she murmured in reply, closing the door on their guests.
“My dear, you will, I am sure!”Lady Spark said. She laughed and gathered Hannah close to her.“I am not biased in any way,I assure you, but Daniel is a fine-looking man.”Her face clouded suddenly.“If only his nose had not been broken in theAzores. The French have such dreadful manners.”She brightened again.“But he is worth so much, too, my dear, what with all those prize ships taken in theCaribbean. Yes, you will be the jewel in next season’s crown, depend uponit.”
“And if I am married, why, surely Daniel will be on the blockade by spring, and I will have no right to flirt through a season inLondon,”Hannah said.
