Page 25 of Shadows of the Past
“You okay? You look like you’re lost in your own head,” Julia asks softly, her voice tinged with curiosity.
“I was thinking about someone.”
Every day, I tell myself that today will be the day her death stops hurting so much. Every day, I remind myself that wherever she is, she knows I love her and that everything I do is for her memory. But it’s never enough.
“Hey, one day it’ll hurt less, right?” Julia says from beside me, and despite myself, a small smile tugs at the corner of my mouth.
Yesterday, when I saw her so broken over the image of her sisters, it hit me that her parents are gone. She’s mentioned the fire before, how the girls are staying with their uncle now, but it wasn’t until I saw the look in her eyes that I realized her parents didn’t survive.
The words felt like lies on my tongue, but I’ve repeated them to myself for so long that they were all I could offer her in that moment.
“It better,” I murmur under my breath.
“You know you can talk to me about this person, right? It’s not like I have many people here to talk to,” she says gently.
I glance at her for a moment. There’s something so innocent about her, despite the fire burning inside her.
“We’re not friends, Julia,” I say quietly but firmly. “I saved you, I’ll keep you alive, and maybe one day you’ll be able to leave this place, but don’t confuse this for something it’s not.”
My words are deliberate and clear because she needs to understand. The last person who was my friend is dead. I won’t let her meet the same fate.
I can feel the air around her shift because my remark has clearly upset her, but she needs to understand where she is. In this house, no one is your friend.
When we finally make it to the room, I walk over to a drawer and pull out a bag of vanilla sandwich cookies before tossing them onto the bed.
“Eat something. I’ll leave some programming courses open on the laptop for you. Read them and memorize as much as you can. Tonight, I’ll quiz you.”
She looks at me with such confusion that, for a moment, I wonder if I spoke in a language she doesn’t know.
“I swear, I don’t understand you. Ten seconds ago, you told me we’re not friends, but then you bought me sandwich cookies because I like them. You can’t be both cold and warm at the same time. Make up your mind already.”
Her remark irritates me. Yes, I bought her the cookies because she liked them, but not because we’re friends. I did it because I don’t want her to hate her life here entirely. I can’t give her everything a girl like her might need, but I can offer the bare minimum to make it tolerable.
I decide to ignore her words altogether, since it’s safer that way, and step out of the room. There are far too many things on my plate to waste energy on Julia’s frustrations.
?
I barely make it outside the mansion when I see Akim leaning against the wall, waiting for me.
“Interesting roommate you’ve got,” he says, his tone laced with amusement.
“Tell me about it.”
“But seriously—why? She’s not the first girl brought here, not the first one abused, not the first one beaten. Why her?”
Akim is one of the few people who knows I didn’t take Julia out of desire or pleasure. Unlike Ivan and Aleksandr, neither Akim nor I share their twisted appetites.
Akim still goes out into the city and seeks companionship with women. I don’t. I can’t stand being touched, and even thethought of sex drags my mind into a dark place I rarely escape from.
Vera was the only person whose touch didn’t feel like poison, the only one who didn’t make me relive every day and night of abuse.
The image of Julia flashes in my mind, our fingers intertwined. It wasn’t sexual; she’s practically a kid. But maybe, just maybe, I’m starting to heal. Maybe I’m learning to tolerate other people in my space without recoiling in disgust.
“She reminds me of Vera,” I murmur softly.
It’s barely audible, but Akim hears it. He’s one of the few who knows everything—one of the few who helped me build this plan from scratch. While I gather financial resources and recruit people to help us pull the rug out from under these monsters, Akim is the one who brings brute force to the table.
I know his soul has been chipped away over time — witnessing so much violence and abuse will do that — but like me, he was a child abandoned by everyone. When he was left alone with Zoya, debts piled up quickly, and Ivan’s lieutenant found him, a young man burning with determination despite his circumstances. He offered Akim a job and a roof over his head for both Zoya and him, but that didn’t exempt him from beatings or everything else that happens here.
