Page 54 of Shadows of the Past
To destroy the entire mechanism, you need to take control of everything. Documents, contacts, accounts, plans. And that will only happen when Ivan dies…naturally.
We considered hiring an assassin and making it look like revenge, but according to Maksim, for several years now, Ivan has rarely appeared in public, and when he does, he's always surrounded by security. Plus, with all his unknown connections,there's a risk that rumors of his assassination would reach him directly, and then we'd have other problems to deal with.
I barely notice that we've arrived in front of the flower shop when Akim opens the car door for me.
I take his hand and enter the flower shop with him, willing myself to forget for a few moments everything that's wrong with this world.
I don't know why, but I turn my head and scan the street. Something unsettles me, and I have the impression someone is watching me.
All of Maksim's paranoia has gotten to you, Julia.
Chapter 20
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Maksim
I watch Julia as she places her hand on Akim's arm, and a desire to rip my lieutenant's head off surges through my entire body.
The reason I'm not at the club with Ilya, trying to figure out if there's a way for Ivan to die naturally, has black hair and is dressed like she wants to make sure every miserable bastard in this town notices her.
Because you can't help but notice her.
The way those jeans make her legs look even longer, paired with that sweater that slips slightly off one shoulder, revealing a constellation of freckles—six of them, to be precise—drives me to the edge of sanity. And it infuriates me that it affects me so deeply.
This morning, when I heard the sounds escaping her lips, I knew exactly what she was dreaming about. I've been having the same dream for so many months that lying next to her in bed has become almost torturous.
I can't pinpoint when my mind started producing these fantasies—her above me, her beneath me, her in the shower as I bend her forward and touch her exactly where I know she wants to be touched.
In none of these fantasies ishepresent. In all my dreams, when the urge to tear off my boxers and relieve my erection consumes me, my blood pumps with desire, not disgust.
But I can't cross that line. Not with her. She'll be leaving me soon if everything goes according to plan, and I know that if I give her this piece of myself too, I'll be emptier than I was before she left.
Because she was right. Something in this pathetic excuse for a heart of mine, which hasn't functioned properly since birth, awakened when she entered my life.
I catch myself so often staring at her, wondering how the universe allows such a perfect being to walk the earth.
When she asked me about sex a few months ago, I had to lock down every nerve and muscle in my body to keep from assaulting her mouth and body. That was the moment when, after our conversation, I went to the shower, and for the first time ever, I masturbated not as a primal need, but for my own pleasure.
My mind wandered to her full mouth, those lips that haunt my existence, her legs wrapped around my waist, and her small breasts, which I know would want my touch.
But here's the problem. What if the repulsion and nausea disappear only because it's...fantasy? What if when she touches me intimately, I freeze up and hurt her?
The mere thought that I might get trapped in the void in my head and harm her fills me with violent impulses. Because I'm not normal, and she deserves someone who can be freely touched by her without visions of a monster whispering in his ear that this is how he becomes a real man.
I watch her leave the store with an enormous bouquet of sunflowers, and it's picture clear—I'm going to strangle Akim.
Because he can be that way with her. Because he's the recipient of the smile she wears on her face right now. And I never thought it possible to be jealous over a smile, but here we are.
Julia turns and scans the street again, but there's a reason I'm called Smert, the shadow my clients call when they want someone invisible to handle their business.
Staying in the shadows feels natural at this point. I savor the power that comes from knowing no one can touch me here, while I see their every step and detail.
A smile escapes me when I see her frowning at the street again as if it personally offended her. The mere fact that she can sense my presence from so many yards away sends my heart into an irregular rhythm.
After placing the flowers in the car, I watch them walk toward the supermarket, and the most beautiful sound reaches my ears.
I study her profile as she laughs at something Akim said, and officially, I no longer have a lieutenant. I'll find someone just as good as Akim, because he just signed his death warrant by making her laugh so freely and carelessly.
