Page 2 of Shadows and Flames
I stood and made my way to the door, opening it a sliver for my Shadow brother. “I’m not in the mood for company.”
Before I could shut the door completely, Tomás stuck his boot in the threshold and pushed back. “I heard about theElders’ decision. Thought you could use some cheering up.” Another push against the door had me relenting to his intrusion. I didn’t have the energy to resist his persistence.
I stepped back and made my way to the bottle on my bedside table. Sleep was elusive these days, but when my mind was swimming, it was a bit easier to grasp. When I extended the half-full bottle to Tomás, he took a small sip before handing it back to me.
His lanky form slumped into one of the chairs before the small, unlit hearth opposite my bed. The mattress dipped as I sat once again, and I downed almost all that was left in the bottle. Tomás’s eyes were filled with judgement, but I didn’t have the energy to be embarrassed in my own room. The alcohol didn’t even burn anymore.
“Still stuck on that queen?” He lounged back in the leather armchair and crossed an ankle over his knee. When I returned, I hadn’t told anyone what happened between her and I, but Tomás guessed after hearing my recounting of Jones’s betrayal at the Elder hearing.
I didn’t grace him with an answer, though. Instead, I took another swig from the bottle and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. There was nothing to say.
“So, now what? What are you going to do?” I narrowed my eyes at his question. What was there to do? Wait out my sentence. Perhaps direct my attention to training the acolytes until my six months were up. Then, the same as always. Contract after contract until… another contract.
My teeth clenched when the memory of glowing waves flashed behind my eyes. She had asked what I did for fun that night. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized there wasn’t much.
“Aeras really got to you with this one, didn’t They?”
I glared over the space between us. The fire in my blood throbbed. I felt like I could almost still taste her on my tongue. “Do not make me tell the Elders aboutyourrun-in with her.”
Third on my list of priorities in returning to the Well was confronting Tomás about his teaching her some of our ways. When I saw her in that ring, silently and fluidly maneuvering around her opponent, I’d wanted to drag her past the barrier by her braids and plunge my sword into her gut. Our techniques were sacred. A petty pickpocket mimicking such a thing felt like the deepest insult. And when I took her money, it had only seemed fair after she insulted me again by disrupting my contract.
But after my time at her side, I’d all but forgotten the reason we’d first met. When she told me of Tomás teaching her to settle a debt, I could see that she had felt guilty for not telling me sooner. Unlocking the answer felt just as hollow as I was now.
Tomás rolled his eyes and waved a dark hand in the air. “I know you won’t say anything. Although I hate to admit it, she saved my arse that day. Seemed like a fair enough trade.”
“It was a fair trade to betray our ways?” But my question had no conviction. It hardly mattered anymore. I drained the rest of the bottle.
He shrugged. “At the time, I suppose.” He pointed at my hands. “You know, drinking yourself sick isn’t going to make you feel any better.”
I put the bottle back on the side table and grumbled, “And talking is? Leave.”
Tomás ran a hand through his long, loced hair and looked me over contemplatively. His eyes landed on my lap. “Could give you a distraction.”
Now I was the one to roll my eyes. “Is that what you came in here for?”
He shrugged again. “It was just an offer. Seeing as how you don’t want to talk. I know Danner’s been trying to get your attention again. He was in the common room earlier.”
My hands scrubbed my face. I had no desire to take pleasure in Tomás or Danner or Noruh after experiencingher. I’d already had to swat Danner’s hands away thrice now. Before, I had let his body take my frustration, allowed him to bring me to release. But the thought of touching anyone else right now made my skin crawl.
“No.”
Tomás heaved a heavy sigh and began to stand. “Well, if you’re content to rotting away in your own misery, I will leave you to it. But if not, we could go spar or run to take the edge off.”
If there was ever a time to miss Leandro, it was now. He wasn’t like me. He and Tomás could go on for hours talking about anything and everything, and he had never been one to dwell for very long. And he would also know just how to make me feel better. He would find the words I couldn’t and speak for the both of us.
I looked down at his name in my hand and scratched at my beard with the other.
“Fine.” I stood and crossed to the wardrobe that held my lighter training clothes. If I couldn’t go out and make coin, the only thing Icoulddo was train. The trousers and tunic were looser than my usual leathers, and once I pulled both on, I turned back to Tomás who had taken post beside the door.
His lips pulled to the side, as if he was trying to decide what to say. I’d heard the whispers after killing Jones. Some of my siblings thought something was wrong with me, that I’d gotten too emotionally involved in my last contract. I could not deny it. What was worse was that I did it all for nothing.
“Mate, why don’t you just go find her?”
I tried to push past him toward the door. “Find who.”
Tomás shoved my chest, and I glared at him. I’d agreed to training with him so that wedidn’thave to talk. “Just go find her and talk to her. Godyx knows that it would give us all a bit of peace.”
I shoved back on his chest and got my hand around the doorknob. Before I opened it, I ground out the words, “She made it clear that I couldn’t be a Shadow and choose her.”
