Page 41 of Every Good Thing
“I didn’t say she was irrelevant. I said our history was. We didn’t work out. That’s all.”
She nods, biting her lower lip like she’s processing the information. She pulls the washcloth away and runs it over my chest with her good hand, softly soaping my scars and defects with the same admiration she always has when she sees me.
This woman loves me.
With all her versions and complications.
Deeply and intensely.
I knew she truly loved me the first time she saw my chest. I’m not easy to look at. I’m rough and deformed, a patchwork pieced together. But Lena had nothing but love in her eyes. Still does.
She’ll never fully understand what that meant to me. What it still means to me. To feel loved and accepted in one look.
In unaware affirmation, she grins sweetly as her hand circles my shoulders. “Wish I had two hands for this.”
I tug her closer by the hips. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you.”
“We take care of each other. I trust you. If you say the relationship doesn’t matter, it doesn’t.”
Still, disappointment creases her brow as if she knows I’m holding back.
“Just… Is there anything else I should know about her or your past? Anything… I don’t know… significant?”
Answers ping in my head like ricocheting bullets. “No. Nothing.”
She accepts my answer with relief. “I’m here for you. Maybe it doesn’t seem like it sometimes, but say the word, and I’ll stop everything. I’ll stop the world for you, Ben. Nothing’s more important to me than you and Ruthie. If there’s anything we need to talk about—”
“There’s nothing.”
It’s been a tough day. The focus should be on Lena’s recovery— not Lauren Riley or my bullshit.
But, yes, there are things I need to say.
My hearing has worsened, pushing me toward surgery I don’t want.
My days on the police force are numbered because I no longer feel I can do the job to my standards and have lost motivation.
The offer is timely and the best I’ll get, but complicated. I don’t know what to do—a rare and unsettling situation that makes my chest tight with pressure.
And Lauren Riley dredges up unwanted feelings.
I don’t want to think about it anymore tonight.
Lena sighs, scooting closer and awkwardly holding her injured hand above the water. She moves the washcloth under the surface, running it along my stomach and over my legs. “Okay. But we should talk more about the offer. It’s worth considering.”
My hand drifts up her leg under the water. Her smile returns like the sun peeking through dark clouds.
“Later.”
Her lips coil into a coy grin. “I just want what’s best for you.”
I reclaim the washcloth and gently pull her into my lap. She straddles me, nestling like she’s made to fit there. With her wounded arm secure on my shoulder, she slips the other around me. Her fingertips feel like flower petals over my old scars.
Lena has always loved me just as I am.
“You’re best for me,” I say, studying her. I love looking at Lena. Her damp hair messily frames her oval face, highlighting her expressive eyes. I imagine millions of thoughts circulating behind them like stars in an expansive universe. “I almost lost you today.”
Her forehead falls against mine. “I’m sorry.”
