Page 91 of Every Good Thing
I wanted to wake her when I got home. I always wake her. Groggy Lena is soft, lovable, easy, and comforting.
But she would’ve known immediately something was wrong and jumped into Busy Lena to take care of me. I don’t want her taking care of me. Or asking questions I wouldn’t want to answer. I’ve hurt her enough already.
It was easier to let her sleep. I left her there for a cold, empty bed and put off her inevitable disappointment until this morning. She stirred on the couch when I made coffee, and the hurt and confusion on her face when she realized I let her sleep there made me feel like I’d betrayed her.
Her shoulders slump. “Um, if you don’t want—”
“Lena.” Over her shoulder, I wave to Dot, freeing her to go. Her thumbs up out the driver’s window stays as she pulls off the curb. “It’s good you’re here.”
Her full-bodied relief makes me smile, and not much does these days.
“Thanks for putting it on the family calendar,” she beams.
I slide my hand over hers and escort her to the building.
Janice, the audiologist who works with Dr. Lin, greets me by name and brightens at the sight of Lena. “Brought your A-game today, huh, Ben?”
“Yes. Lena, my wife,” I clarify.
“I remember. Good to see you, honey.”
She leads us through the small office into the exam room. It’s minimally decorated and dimly lit. Most importantly, it’s quiet. Lena sits in the corner while I perch in the exam chair. Dr. Lin rushes in—he always acts like he’s late, even when he isn’t.
“Ah, Mrs. Wright, glad you could join us today. It’s a big one. Let’s see what we’re working with, eh?”
Lena looks confused—the family calendar didn’t report the significance of the appointment, only that I had one. But as my omissions don’t surprise her, she says nothing.
Janice greets Lena with the same welcoming smile she gives her customers. “They’ve got some tests to do. How would you like to experience hearing from Ben’s point of view?”
She perks up. “Really? You can do that?”
Janice nods. “Come with me.”
Lena follows her to another room. Dr. Lin grabs his otoscope. I remove my hearing aids.
He examines my ears through the otoscope, periodically typing notes into his computer and making noises of interest. I don’t hear him like I once did, but I catch his reactions by watching and feel grateful that he’s not one for chitchat. I go through the usual tests in the sound booth to determine if my hearing has worsened since my last appointment.
I already know the answer.
Once the tests are complete, Dr. Lin leaves me to examine the results. I’m putting my hearing aids back in when Lena slips inside, leaning against the closed door behind her. Her gaze holds mine, surprising me with her determined smile.
She crosses the room in two steps and crushes her lips to mine, making me laugh at her sweet aggression. I respond in kind, gripping her against me and letting my hands wander. My hard edges soften with her affection.
“What’s all this?” I ask, breathless and barely able to stop kissing her long enough to talk.
“I just got to know you better. It’s a good day.”
I used to say that to her all the time, but it’s been ages.
Janice probably gave her a simulation of hearing loss via headphones and a computer. Her reaction is a relief. Fondling my wife in a doctor’s office is much preferred to dealing with her sympathy or sadness.
I couldn’t handle that. Not today.
As my fingertips skate down her neck, hope replaces my earlier hesitation.
“It is a good day,” I repeat. “No matter what he’s about to tell us.”
She nods, biting my lower lip in a playful kiss. “No matter what.”
