Page 51 of Billionaire Romantic
All those quiet, heartfelt gestures that were so…Noah. The ones he didn’t have to do but couldn’thelpdoing. Because he’s not only the most manly man I’ve ever met, but also the most empathetic.The most built.The most genuine. The mostreal. It all feels like such a rare combination.
I miss you already, Noah Steel.
I miss the haven of you. The all-encompassing cocoon of safety and comfort you so effortlessly provided.
I miss the hot surge of your thick, bursting cock as you held me down and gripped me, forceful and rough in the best kind of way, breaking me wide open with the kind of pleasure I never knew existed.
As I walk into my apartment building and take the elevator up, it’s strange how familiar everything is, yet also so entirely different.
BecauseI’mdifferent.
On Friday, all I could feel was the full weight of my role as the captain of my father’s sinking ship, spending most of my time feeling just a little bit too alone and a lot too overwhelmed by the mountain of responsibilities and expectations I’ve been left to deal with mostly on my own. Most days, it’s really, really heavy. Some days it’s downright terrifying.
For more than two days, I haven’t thought about any of those things. Not even once.
For two whole days, I felt fullyalive. I felt cherished. Wildlysexy. I felt appreciated, adored and more beautiful than I’ve ever felt. I hadfun. I laughed. I lived completely in the moment, like a fully-realized, technicolored version of myself, as though, before, I’d been living out my days in black and white. Noah Steel realigned pieces of myself I didn’t even realize were off-kilter.
Who knew hot sex with a sincere, gorgeous beefcake could be so life-changing?
My time with Noah reminded me that I’m a real person with my own hopes and dreams that have nothing to do with the approval of ghosts. Maybe Icanbe more than just a caretaker of someone else’s legacy. Maybe I should try harder to follow my own path.
I don’t want to live L. Emerson’s life anymore. I want to live Lucky Irish’s.
Of course I can’t.
My weekend with Noah was a random, dreamy getaway. Inside it, I could fantasize about realizing my own dreams on my own terms.
But now, back in the harsher light of Real Life, all my demons, who had the weekend off, are back. They cluster around me like looming shadows that take on the shapes of all my worst fears.
You won’t even be able to afford to put your stuff in storage. All of it will get repo’ed or will have to be sold. Every last memento of your mother.
You’ll probably have to move out of New York to somewhere cheaper. Everything will feel so foreign and empty. You won’t know anyone.
A financial hole that big is going to be very hard—nearly impossible—to climb out of. Your life is about to get very, very difficult.
I hope I can see Noah again. Of course I do. I think I’m in love with him.
Even though he’s basically a stranger whose real name you don’t actually know.
Would he even want to see you again?Is he that hot and sweet and the perfect sex-on-a-stick cinnamon roll for all his girls? For Cleo? For Sloane? For Amanda?
I believed him when he said they’re work colleagues or a girl he didn’t want to date.
Butwhat if they aren’t? You don’t know the first thing about who he is outside of that bedroom. A man doesn’t look like Noah Steel without getting the attention of a lot of women.
I gave myself to him in a way that was new. Not just physically—andwow, did I give, and take—but all the way down to my heart and soul. No one has told me they loved me since two hours before the car crash that killed my mother when I was four years old. My father was too preoccupied for emotions. Besides my very busy roomie I hardly see, I’ve been very alone for a very long time.
Noah made me feel like I wasn’t alone. It felt indescribably good. It was as addictive as the rest of him.
Can you handle losing your job, your money or lack thereof, your home and having your heart broken at the same time?
Probably not. Then again, at least you’ll have a place to stay. The mental hospital.
My eyes pool with tears.
Which is crazy.
I never cry.
