Page 36 of Game On
There’s a beat of silence. The pounding music and tangled laughter from the party fades into a dull roar as I blink at him.
“What makes you—”
But he’s already turning away, pushing off the wall, leaving me standing there with my heart pounding and my mouth slightly ajar. I stay there, stunned. Somehow, it feels as though I’ve been slapped, the sting of rejection smarting my cheeks.
And then Ash is beside me again, a concerned look in his eyes. “You good?”
“Yeah,” I say automatically, tearing my gaze from Hudson’s retreating back. “Of course.”
“Sure about that?” he asks, his gaze following mine.
“More than.” I force a smile onto my face, shake it off, and turn back to Ash. He’s not so easily convinced.
“Like I told you before, there’s no use pretending with me,” he says gently, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.
I snort, even as a lump lodges itself in my throat. “Okay, then I won’t bother,” I manage to croak out, blinking rapidly against the sudden wetness in my eyes.
“Hey, come on now.” His hand leaves my shoulder to wipe a stray tear from my cheek. “You’re a strong girl.”
I laugh bitterly. “Strong girls cry, too,” I grumble.
A small smile plays on his lips. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right.” He turns me around to face him and looks me dead in the eyes. “Come on, let’s go talk.”
He guides me through the crowded party, up the stairs, and through the main floor of the Den. It’s like we’re entering a different world as we head out of the front door. The noise from inside fades into a soft backdrop; the night is quiet, and the sky is scattered with stars.
We walk to a small bench under an old oak tree just a few steps from the house. Ash waits as I sit and take a few deep breaths, letting the cool air wash over me.
“I lost you for a moment in there,” he says. “What did Hudson say to you?”
“It’s not even about that, really … I guess I just feel a little out of my depth here. I’m trying to be bold, to be honest, to go after the things I want right when I want them.”
“Sounds like the motto of a woman scorned.”
“I guess so.” I give him a tight smile. “My ex, Jamie, we were supposed to be here together. We grew up in the same town, went off to Oxford as a couple. He was like family to me in a way my parents never were. They were distant, and Jamie was my constant, my rock. But he decided at the last minute that he wanted to travel alone, so he dumped me. And maybe he was right to do it.
“It’s been over two months now, and sometimes it feels like I’m still piecing myself together. It makes me wonder if I was the one holding him back all this time. That … that maybe I’ll always be the girl who strives for more but continues to fall short.”
Ash listens intently as the floodgates open. “Jamie comes from a wealthy family, and he was always destined for Oxford. Me? I had to claw my way in. I’ve always felt a bit like an outsider there, but cheerleading … that was where I fitted in. The sport just came naturally to me.”
I take a breath before continuing. “But here, at Whitland, I’m relearning everything I thought I knew and it’s tough. Overwhelming, at times. I’ve been telling myself that I don’t need any distractions, least of all from someone like Hudson.”
The thought of something serious feels impossible right now. I’ve been too burned, too wrecked by Jamie. But the idea of something fun, something outside my comfort zone, it didn’t seem too bad an idea when I suggested it.
He gives me a knowing look. “But something keeps drawing you back to him.”
“Yes, despite it all.” I toss my hands up. “But he clearly doesn’t want me. Or hecan’t, whatever that means.”
“He’s playing it safe, huh?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say. “I’m too tired of having to fight for every little thing in my life. My parents didn’t want me to study at Oxford in the first place, and they thought this trip was a waste of time. I don’t know, I thought, with Hudson, that I could let my feelings guide me for once. To have a bit of fun without overthinking the situation.”
He nods, his expression thoughtful. “I get that. You’re trying to carve out your own path, separate from everyone’s expectations.”
“Yeah, exactly.” I sigh. “And I keep thinking it should all be easier. I mean, shouldn’t it?”
“Life’s rough,” he says. “That’s true. But maybe it’s all about finding things that are actually worth the fight.”
I chuckle dryly. “You always this philosophical?”
