Page 21 of Burning Ember
I don’t say the words I feel echoing out of my soul.
This place isn’t the place for you, Doll. I won’t be the fool who tries to fix you.I’ve already had my fair share of suicidal junkies. Maybe if I still had a heart, but mine was ripped out a long time ago. We’re ruined, you and I, and there’s no fixing what’s utterly broken.
She’s a stray and looking for a home.
But this isn’t it, Doll. This isn’t it.
When something vital to our survival is threatened . . . we shield it and guard it fiercely.
EMBER
Dozer and Mav are still shouting at each other. Their deep voices—now that Rigor has oh so kindly turned down the music—echo through the clubhouse and the main room.
I’m sitting at the bar. Alone. Because Goose took Lily away a moment ago. She was so angry she was about to burst into Mav’s office. Honestly, I’m surprised she got that worked up. I’m not entirely sure if it’s because Mav’s comments were demeaning to women in general or because they were demeaning to me.
Lil’s friend, my ass. It’s obvious that bitch has been livin’ on the street. Like she’s been diving in dumpsters. Is that what we want? Trash in our clubhouse? She’s a wet hole nothing more. She’s not even Edge’s type. Too skinny. Too short. Plain. Like a goddamn rag doll for fuck’s sake. Nothing special. We can find someone else for Edge. Someone better.
I’ve been unable to eat the sandwich and chips Rigor set in front of me. I’m starving, but the humiliation rioting through me causes my stomach to clench relentlessly and I’m afraid if I eat now, the food won’t stay down.
Bikers and the women around the room keep stealing glances at me, though some are openly staring. I sense their distrust. A few of the women look at me like I’m garbage. I feel like a pariah.
My cheeks flush with heat.
I’ve considered more than once getting up from my stool and striding right out the front door. The only thing keeping me planted in this seat is the thought of Davis, and the notion that his cruiser is parked right outside the club’s privacy fence, and his threats of what will happen if I try to make a run for it.
I peek in the mirror behind the bar and wince at my reflection. I see some validity to Mav’s insults. The girl staring back at me is a mess. She looks nothing like Lil’ Bird, or the other girls here. I’m not beautiful. I look pale. No makeup. Frizzy, wild hair. Maybe I once was something special, but I don’t look it now. He’s right. I’m too thin. I didn’t realize how much weight I’d lost. My cheeks are sunken in, and my cheekbones jut out. Dark circles loom under my eyes, making me look like I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in days. Only because I haven’t. Maybe, I’m not quite junky material, but the other comments sting because they’re true.
I’m homeless. Pretty much penniless. And it sounds like I’m a few minutes away from being Officer Davis’ entertainment for the night.
Now it’s come down to one man, one biker, banishing me and damning me to hell.
Maybe Mav is the prince of darkness after all.
MAVERICK
There’s no doubt in my mind that seeing this new girl on a daily basis will fillet my wounds wide open.
The thought makes me desperate. Makes me crazy and outraged. So I spend the next half hour trying to convince Dozer why keeping this girl around is a bad fucking idea.
He won’t listen though.
Finally, I say, “Listen to me. Bitches like that turn on you on a fuckin’ dime. It’s not whatweneed. This’d be the perfect fuckin’ time for the Greenbacks to make a move. They wanna know which way we’re gonna sway. And this girl all of a sudden turns up out of nowhere. A virgin served up on a fuckin’ platter. What if the vote sways to a no, and they find out that we’re planning to cut ties? What do you think they’re gonna do? I’ll tell you what they’re gonna do. They’re gonna hit us where it hurts and when we’re not ready. For two more weeks, we need to lie low. Keep them in the dark and hold ’em off.”
He nods and tension drains out of my shoulders as relief floods through me. “Agreed. But I’m not sending Pumpkin away. I don’t believe she’s a threat.”
I grimace. “Pumpkin?”
“Yeah.” He shrugs. “Look, I’ll make sure she’s with someone at all times. And if she leaves the clubhouse, she’s got someone on her. She won’t have access to a phone. I’ll watch her until the party. After, we can decide if she stays or goes.”
I open my mouth but he cuts me off.
“Told you, we’ll watch her and we will. I’m givin’ you my word. That should be enough. Otherwise, you’re tellin’ me you don’t trust me. I’ve been a member of this club since I was six fuckin’ teen. This club was supposed to bemylegacy. You really think I’d let anyone fuck it over? Hurt us? Give me some fuckin’ respect. I’ve earned it, whether I’m your VP or not.”
I sigh out, “You’re makin’ a mistake, brother.”
“Yeah? And you need to work out your shit. You’ve been a miserable asshole since Edge got tossed in. It’s gettin’ fuckin’ old, man. I get that what Dana did, goin’ to Davis like she did, and then leavin’ tore you up and spit you out. You took a gamble on a girl and it turned to shit. But fuck, man. It’s been half a goddamn decade. Even Edge is doin’ better than you and he’s been locked in an box.”
Pain slices through my chest. Dozer doesn’t know that every time he says her name, it’s like he’s stabbing me in the heart with a scalding poker. And bringing that girl in here, bringing this shit up, it’skillingme. Dana didn’t just steal five years. She took so much more than that. She stole my whole fucking future and destroyed the part of me that wanted something out of this life.
