Page 184 of Lost Lyrebird
Like the dreams of a naïve girl.
A promise is a promise, though, right?
When he reaches the end of the letter, he lets out a shaky breath, and for a moment, there’s only the sound of the wind rustling through the trees.He pinches the tears from his eyes.Then he closes the letter and leans forward, elbows resting on his knees as he places his hand over his mouth.His shoulders shaking slightly, his breath uneven.
My heart clenches in my chest as I watch him cry and struggle with his emotions, emotions he rarely lets himself feel.He’s never let this vulnerable side of himself show, and it both breaks something inside of me and gives me courage to be just as brave and vulnerable.
“It’s okay,” I tell him.
He leans back and palms my face, his thumb tracing my cheekbone.His eyes lock on mine.“No, it’s not, but it will be.”
I smile through my tears.
“A promise is a promise, right?”His gaze is soft and full of love.
My heart soars.“Yeah, it is.At least to me.”
He nods, then pulls me in for a hug and kisses my temple.“To me, too.”
“Thank you for trusting me again with your heart,” he chokes out.Pulling back, he presses his forehead against mine.The words are simple, but the weight of them is everything.“I’ll handle it with care.As much as I’m able, for as long as I have.”
We stay like that for a long moment, breathing in sync, our foreheads pressed together, our hands clutching each other like we’re trying to hold on to the only thing that makes sense in the world.
And in this moment, nothing else matters.
I spend the rest of the night, before visiting hours end, telling him our story.My version of it, at least.I don’t sugar coat it.Because what he needs is the honest-to-God truth, and that’s exactly what I give him.
Over the next few days, I tell him the rest—the past he didn’t see coming, the one I was trying to protect him from.We talk about Deeds, the Greenbacks, why I came here to begin with, the years he missed, like the ones where I danced in Vegas, and we even talk about Veno, and my plans for him and the girls.I retell him about my past, about my mother’s philandering ways after my father passed away, and my stepfather’s abuse once he moved in.I even share my most well-kept secret, which is that of my baby sister, who’s a college student at Berkeley and the only member of my family I still keep in touch with.
The only secret I hold close to my chest is Mateo’s, because it will hit Finn hard, and I want to be certain before delivering that emotional blow.It’s also Mateo’s story to tell, but I’m not sure he has enough faith in anyone, including Finn, to come clean about it.
CHAPTER 52
She danced, and at the same time, opened a window into her soul.
I step through the front door ofWet Tipstonight as a patron.The familiar hum of bass rattles through my chest the moment I hit the main floor and it’s there, I stop for a moment, to take it all in and pat the sobriety coin in my pocket.
Partly, in remembrance of the road I’ve traveled.A reminder that I don’t ever want to go back to the man I was before rehab.But also in thanks for this second chance.A chance to spend the rest of my life proving to the woman I love that I’m worthy of her.
It’s been three months, a week, and a day since I was last here, and yet it feels like a whole hell of a lot longer.
Everything feels different.Music hits differently.The wind and sun on my skin, the rumble of my bike beneath me, even colors, scents, and food, they just all hit me more intensely, as if they were dulled by the pain or the poison in my veins.Even the way the lights on the stage seem to hold more color.Probably because I’m no longer lost to the grey fog of pain I was in, which is thanks to my new medication and pain management regimen.
My name is shouted from the left, and turning, I find my brothers in their usual spots waiting for me, smirks plastered on their faces.
Bodie stands to greet me with a wide, mischievous as hell grin.“Whew wee!Lookin’ good, old man!”he hollers.He grips my arm, and I grip his.Then he’s bringing me in for a bone-crushing hug and claps me on the back.
Dozer is next up.“How’s life on the straight and narrow, brother?”
I shrug, a smile pulling at my lips.“Feels like trying to walk a tightrope every damn day, but I’m good.Damn good.My reason is solid as fuck, and it’s nice to be outta there.”Dozer’s hug puts Bodie’s to shame.Cap’s right behind him, and looking him in the eye is something I’ve been dreading.But maybe I shouldn’t have, because he just claps me on the shoulder and murmurs, “I’m proud of you.”It stirs up a wealth of warm feelings in my chest and has the tension that built instantly upon seeing him disintegrating into nothing.
To tell the truth, I’m proud of myself, too.
Their greeting sets off a chain reaction.Every HOC takes their turn welcoming me back to the fold.
There are quite a few members I haven’t seen in months.Bodie and Dozer, though, visited a number of times.They kept my spirits up, encouraging me to keep going.Bodie had even charmed the nurses into letting him visit outside of normal hours and brought in treats, shit regular patients weren’t allowed to have.The downside was being buggered by the nurses for the next few days to see when he might stop back by, as if the man lived off some kind of schedule or something.Hah!
Dozer’s gifts were more practical.He brought me some free weights and a pull-up bar so I could focus on something helpful like getting back into shape.
