Page 90 of Lost Lyrebird
“And college?”
His gaze flickers toward me, and I quickly avert my eyes.
“Mom, let’s be real.I’m not signing up for four more years of school.”
“If it’s about money—”
“It’s not about money!”His frustration boils over.
“I just don’t want you to throw your twenties away.College is the best experience.I want you to have that.I don’t want you to reject it and regret it later.Will you think about going for a year and then decide if it’s right for you?”
Mateo’s tone hardens.“You’re still not listening.I’m not a college boy.I don’t care about school, and I’m not wasting another second of my life on it.I’m going to work as a mechanic’s assistant.Maybe open a bike shop of my own one day, making custom bikes.Work on art in my free time.”
“I thought that was just a hobby.”
“Not to me.”His voice cracks, and I watch as he angrily swipes his fingers under one eye.He’s speaking from his heart.That much is clear.And I get it.
It takes me back to when I tried to convince my mom to let me quit pageants and focus more on becoming a professional dancer and choreographer.The fights we’d get into about it were epic.She couldn’t wrap her head around it.She told me I was dreaming Hollywood dreams, and warned me how many girls I’d be competing against if I tried to make it in LA.She all but said I wouldn’t make it, like I didn’t have the talent to get there, couldn’t hack it in the big city.
Pretty girls are a dime a dozen in Hollywood.Like that’s all I was, or what my worth amounted to, being pretty.She’d watched me dance my whole life and didn’t believe in me.That fucking hurt.
Everything changed when she met my stepfather.He backed her up, but his reasons for not wanting me to leave town weren’t as well-meaning.As the months slipped by, the danger he presented became apparent.He drank and got weird.Weird turned to flirty.Flirty turned to inappropriate.And it’s escalated from there.When he entered my room one night and woke me from sleep, the writing was on the wall.I’d screamed and woke my mother, and that was the first time my mother believed his excuses and took his side.
Me?I was a liar.
The threats came next, and my life slowly started to fall apart.
And when the only person who could protect me, who knew me better than anyone else in the world, ended up being manipulated by my abuser to believe I was nothing but a lying, attention-seeking, spoiled brat who was just pissed off because I wasn’t getting my own way… well… it changes you.It pushes you to desperate measures, which is why I ended up running away.
Another life disrupted by a new man.One not worthy of her.Another child cast aside for someone else’s fresh start, making the ability to work out issues fucking impossible, and escaping the situation, at least in my case, seemed like the only possible answer.
So does my heart ache at witnessing Goose’s son go through something similar?Damn right it does.
His mother’s tone becomes consoling.“He’d want you to go to college.To give it a try at least.”
Mateo freezes.“Don’t do that,” he snaps.“Don’t use him to get what you want.”He shoves out of the booth, standing abruptly.“You know what?Forget it.I fucking knew this was a bad idea.”
“Mattie, wait—”
But he’s already halfway to the door.She tries to stop him from leaving, but he throws off her hand when she grabs him.“Go live your happy life with your new family.And don’t have more kids if you’re just going to kick them out when they don’t fit your grand plans.”
His mother stands frozen for a long moment.When she turns, she takes in the room.A flush covers her cheeks.She’s flustered as she returns to the booth, grabs her purse, pays for their food, and then hurries out the door.
I hear Mateo’s bike rev up and the ferocity as he peels out of the parking lot.
I sit there, my mind racing.I don’t understand all of it, but one thing is clear—Goose’s son feels the same way I did.Abandoned by someone he trusted to love him.It frays a person, leaving them with lasting scars.
This kind of betrayal is life-altering.I know this better than most.It makes me wonder how Goose fits into it all.Is he aware of the emotional turmoil his son is battling?What is he doing to help Mateo through it?And if he doesn’t know, what will Mateo do to cope with the pain?
Do I listen to the reasonable part of my brain that throws up caution and warning roadblocks on these thoughts?Nope.Instead, I let them fan the flames of my need for answers.
I spend the better part of the day planning my next steps, even though deep down, I know I’m entering more dangerous territory by inserting myself into Goose’s private life.
CHAPTER 25
Our actions in the dark can be full of light and fueled by love.
A week later, I’m on the porch enjoying a cup of coffee.The smell of damp earth after a heavy rain fills my lungs as I curl up with a warm blanket and listen to the thunder rumble overhead and the crickets sing their song.
