Page 104 of All In
Plus, she was young. So, so young.
I can’t imagine what it must have been like for her to find out Nate was unfaithful for their whole marriage. That must have been devastating. And with Chad, she had no life experience to help her make hard choices. How can I possibly hold any of that against her? It’s not fair.
I need to give my therapist a fat tip. Again, he helped me to see what I was missing.
As I stare at her andGeoff,acting like they are the only two people in this place, I realize … I may have lost her. For good.
The actual pain in my chest is too much.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Cara studying her phone, its screen illuminating her face. She sets it down gently. It wasn’t until now that I realized how much time had passed without us saying a word. She gives me a pointed look, and I can feel the weight of what she’s about to say. “Sam, we have been together for four years,” Cara begins, choking out the words, while my gaze remains fixed on Maria. “And you have never looked at me the way you are looking at her right now.”
This declaration quickly brings my attention back to her. “How am I looking at her?”
She wraps her arms around herself, and her chin quivers slightly. “With desire, longing … and love.”
As the waiter comes to gather our plates, we sit in silence, our eyes locked in a wordless conversation. He offers us boxes for our leftovers and then dessert.
We deny both.
As the waiter leaves to get us our check, Cara continues. “You’ve been distant for months. I can feel things changing between us. This is the third time we have tried to make this work. I’m thinking three strikes and we are out. Honestly, we both have kinda checked out lately.”
At this point, I’m not sure who is breaking up with who. But either way, we both know that this is the end. She sees it. I see it. We’ve been forcing this for far too long.
A heavy silence hovers over our table as the harsh truth lingers in the air. As long as Maria is alive and well on this planet, I will never be able to fully commit to another woman.
While we wait for our check, Cara confirms my suspicions about the whole evening. “You know, I was hoping you were going to propose tonight, wishing I was wrong about where this was heading.”
“We never talked about that. I never lead you to believe—”
She raises her finger to stop me. “Yes, you did. Maybe not in words. But you did.” She pauses for a moment, before continuing. “I’ve been talking about it so much lately because I thought maybe that was where you were. But then something changed in you, so I kept bringing it up, hoping I could get some kind of signal about where your head was at. I guess I got my answer tonight.”
I extend my hand across the table, pleading with her to take it. She hesitates for a moment before shifting forward in her seat and resting her hand on mine, tears pooling in her eyes. I lightly rub my thumb over her smooth skin. “I’m so sorry, Cara.”
“For what? Wasting my time or being in love with another woman?”
“Both. But mostly for not being the man you deserve.”
She gives my hand a firm squeeze before releasing it. “Thank you for saying that,” she says, her voice laced with a sadness.
Movement from Maria’s table catches my eye. They both rise from their seats, getting ready to leave.Geoffpulls his wallet from his back pocket, opens it, and throws money on the table like the cool guy I’m sure he is. As he glances at his watch, a look of urgency crosses his face. They must be in a rush.
What are they in a hurry to do?
Never mind. I don’t want to know.
As Maria takes a step to leave, our eyes lock. She halts mid-step. A small gasp escapes her mouth. For a moment, her entire body is rigid, but then she relaxes as a gentle smile graces her lips. And when her eyes light up with the slightest twinkle, it’s almost as if she is happy to see me. I scrub my hand over my mouth to hide the smile crossing my lips at her reaction. But then her gaze shifts to Cara, and the smile fades as she lowers her head, her shoulders slumping.
My heart sinks.
Geoffrey senses her sudden lack of movement and leans down, lips moving as he speaks. His words and voice are barely audible over the bustling crowd and soft music. Probably asking her what’s the matter. She says something in return as she juts her chin in our direction. He follows her line of sight, then instinctively adjusts his stance, squaring his shoulders. He then slings his arm around her back and locks eyes with me, his glare intensifying.
He knows exactly who I am.
Moving in closer to her, I watch his lips moving as he whispers something in her ear, and she nods in agreement. He drops his arm, and they lock hands as they walk straight toward Cara and me.
Looking like a team.
“Oh, God,” I say, my eyes dropping to the ground, bracing myself for what will be the most awkward conversation in history.
