Page 70 of All In
“Um, no. That’s not happening. I’m not a cheater.”
“It’s not cheating, Maria, if he’s doing it as well.”
“Yes, it is, Camila. I know Nate sleeps around, but the vows I said on our wedding day, I take very seriously. I wouldn’t do that.”
This conversation takes me back to when I actually considered cheating. The thought of letting Sam go was unbearable. But I couldn’t do it. Regardless of what was happening in my life at the time, there was no way I could be that disrespectful to Sam. I hurt him enough as it is. My biggest life regret. Although marrying Nate is a close second.
Our emailing shouldn’t have happened either. Looking back, I understand it was wrong. The strong emotional bond between Sam and me makes it really hard to communicate when we’re in relationships. It doesn’t matter how friendly we try to keep things, our feelings always get in the way. Every time. No matter what my life is like with Nate, I will never stoop to that level. Ever.
“Whatever, it’s your loss.” She shrugs and turns her attention back to the other girls, obviously annoyed and bored with me.
I sit in silence as I contemplate and make a few choices. One, I will not be joining them next week. Or any week after. Two, I’m going to call Amanda to see if she wants to have lunch tomorrow. And three, Nate may be a dog and a liar and a cheater, but that’s not me. I’m not that person.
And finally, four. I have to wait this out. Until I can figure a way out of this mess.
Hopefully, someday soon.
With a renewed sense of purpose and my head held high, I leave Josie, Gabby, Lola, and Camilla to their gossipy ways.
Determined to find a life worth living. For myself and my children.
Chapter twenty-seven
2014
Maria
“Hey, Daddy,” I say as I greet my father with a hug. He’s come over to watch the kids while I run some errands and grab some lunch with Amanda. It’s Saturday and, of course, Nate is golfing or sleeping with another woman.
I don’t care either way.
It’s been two years since I found out about him. And he wasn’t wrong. Nothing has changed. Nate is going about his life as if he didn’t destroy me. Also, the girls were right that day at the salon.
No one talks about it.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t think about it. Or discuss it … with Amanda. She has become my best friend these last two years. We have a lot in common, and she quickly became like a sister to me. The other wives hate us both now. Which Amanda and I find a lot of amusement in.
Nate wasn’t happy about it. He would rather control me and have me buddy up with the fake clique from the neighborhood. But, like I said, I’m beyond caring at this point.
Which is where my mind is with him. Amanda and her husband don’t operate like the other couples in the neighborhood. She has helped me to seewhat a loving and stable marriage can look like. Which has also shown me how far removed from that ours is. Nate doesn’t like Amanda’s husband Elias. For obvious reasons. Elias isn’t a man whore. Or a control freak. Or a manipulator. He loves, adores, and respects Amanda. As a marriage mate should.
Amanda has also guided me on how I need to talk to my dad about the whole situation. Nate threatened me that day with two things. However, lately, I have gained enough confidence to handle the situation myself when I leave him. I am a wonderful mother, and he won’t be able to take my kids away from me.
Another behavior surfaced with Nate that really sent me over the edge. He directed his controlling tendencies towards the kids.
That was the last straw. You can mess with me, but not my children.
Did I mention that Amanda and Elias are both lawyers in family law? Those two together are a force to be reckoned with. So yeah, Nate is in for a fight if he tries anything. Because Amanda pulls no punches. The woman is as tough as nails. And I love her for it!
But now, I am worried about my dad. I know that if I leave Nate, he and his father will make sure that my dad loses his job. A job that, for the first time in his life, he could handle and excel at. I saw a confidence in my dad that I had never seen before.
Despite the hardships my dad and I have faced, we have finally found ourselves in a good place. Same is true of him and my mom. They are friends now, who support each other. I don’t want to mess any of that up. But I also can’t assume that everything will go haywire. My dad is a different person than he was nineteen years ago when he was a gambling addict. He’s changed for the better. So, I need to tell him what’s going on so that we can work this out together. Because at the end of the day, my dad only wants what’s best for me.
“Hey, sweetie,” he says as he walks into my home and peels off his shoes. He removes his coat and hangs it in the coat closet, making himself right at home. “Where are those beautiful grandkids of mine?” He’s darting his eyes over the house, looking for them. I take a quick glance at this man who raised me. He’s older now, mid-sixties. His hair is gray, and his beard makes him look like Santa Claus. As aging does to a person, he’s lost some pep in his step. But also gettingolder has been a blessing for him. He’s happily married now and is the best grandfather to my kids.
“They are watching a movie right now.” His excitement is contagious, and I can’t help but smile as I watch him. Whenever he’s with my kids, his face lights up with pure joy.
“Well, bring them out here to see their Papa,” he retorts, rubbing his hands together with a wide grin on his face.
