Page 55 of A Conduit of Light
Closingthe heavy lid, she traced the letters he had carved into its top, elegant and lovely.
Hernew name.
Karus.
PartThree
Chapter25
Karus
Leaningback in my chair,rubbing the finger my conduit ring once adorned,IstudiedRevichas he took a moment to gather himself.Heclasped his hands together tightly, the whites of his knuckles evident and raw.
Thispart of my story he had struggled through the most, stopping often to find the right words to describe what we had apparently felt together.
WhatIhad felt forhim.
Ibroke the silence, interrupting his thoughts, with a raspy, “Howlong?”
Hehad been staring at the ceiling, struggling to keep his eyes from spilling over with tears.Heblinked them away, steadying himself before asking, “Howlong for what?”
“Howlong haveIbeen like this?”
Hepursed his lips together, his breath heavy, his jaw twitching as he rubbed his mouth, hiding his expression behind his hand. “Inseasons?One.”
“Inyears,Revich.Iwant to know how longI’vebeen like this according to the isle outside ofFelgren.”Myvoice was steel—hard and cool asIstared across from him over his desk.
“It’sbeen…seven years,Karus.”
Karus.
Itsounded different now, coming from his deep voice, now thatIknew of its origins.NowthatIunderstood its meaning—understood whyIhad chosen it.
“Seven…years.”Ishook my head as it began to swim, thoughts of the lifeI’dmissed—thoughts of the peopleIhad known and had loved flashed in my mind.Wherewere they now?WherewereClairanniaandFiguerah?WherewasBaronHeimlenandSylva?
Ipulled at my hair and lowered my head to my lap, eyes squeezed shut, breaths leaving my lungs in rapid succession.Dizzinessovercame my senses asIrocked up and down.Thepain of recognition, of admittance to the story he had been telling me of my life asAsh’Arah, jumbled in my head like stones in a box.
Scenesplayed out in detail andIwondered if they were from living them or if my mind was just imagining what they must have been.
Ifelt his hands on my arms as he pushed my chair back across the floor, gaining access to me, the blanket falling between us.
“Karus.It’sgoing to be okay.You’regoing to be alright.Wecan stop.Wecan stop here and continue another time.Youare not alone.”Hesmoothed the top of my hair, bent down close to my face, the nearness of his voice acting as an anchor in my panic andIstopped my rocking, meeting his eyes.
Westared at each other for a stolen moment in time, everything said and unsaid hanging heavily in the air between us.
“I—Iwant to seeViridis.”
Heinhaled deeply and let it out slowly, steadying it as he clasped his hand across his lips, watching me closely.
“Please,Rev.Takeme there.”
Atthe sound of his name on my tongue, his face hardened and his eyes swirled a turbulent blue.
“I’lltake you.Butthen we’re done.Youneed rest.Wecan continue in the morning.”
Inodded in agreement to his words as ifImeant to abide by them, as ifIwas going to just agree to pause what wasmystory.Whatwasmylife to learn.Ihad no plans to ascend lightly to my room in the tallest tower, waiting patiently to hear the rest.Noplans to fall asleep in my bed, wondering what he had apologized for, wondering what had happened to cause my internal chaos.
No.
