Page 11 of I'll Walk With You
“This could be real, Javi.”
My phone buzzes with an incoming call from Joel. Needing the distraction, I answer right away. My brother is my favorite person on the planet, even though he tends to act more like a parent sometimes.
“Hey,” I answer, injecting a lightness I don’t feel to my voice.
“Hey, little bro, what’s up?” Joel asks. “You sound weird.”
I sigh. Fuck him for knowing me too well. “Ugh, how do you do that every single time? Can’t I be angsty in peace?”
Joel’s chuckle echoes over the line, and I smile even though I’m exasperated.
“It comes with the territory of knowing you since birth, and angsty isn’t your thing, it’s mine.”
“Fair.”
“Tell me what’s got you in your head.”
Flopping back onto my bed, I cover my eyes with one hand. “There’s this guy–”
Joel scoffs. “Of course it’s about a guy.”
“Joel!”
“What? I’m sorry, but another one, Javi? Already? Isn’t it too soon?”
Doubts try to creep their way in, Joel’s concerns the same as I’ve already had. But how can it be too soon, when what I had with Keith was less genuine than fake-dating Bryce?
I’m not wrong about wanting more, but am I brave enough to ask for more and possibly get turned down?
I’m not so sure.
“Hey! Fuck you for that. This one is different. He’s genuinely nice, and–”
“I don’t know, Javi...”
My frustration builds. He knows how bad I fucked up with Keith. He knows that he threatened to report me for stalking, but I’m not a child. I ignored my instincts with Keith. That’s not what’s happening here, and I need him to understand. “Can you stop fucking interrupting me and let me explain?” My voice sharpens.
Joel sighs. “Shit, sorry, I’ll listen.”
I start at the beginning, telling Joel about meeting Bryce at the Sigma Mu table, and ending with us making out at the party to prove to Keith I’d moved on. Of course I leave out the best sex of my life. There are some things my brother doesn’t need to know.
He stays quiet the whole time, listening intently. When I finish, the line is so quiet I look at my phone to see if I lost the call. He’s still there and his silence stresses me out. “Well? Say something!”
“It sounds like you really like him. And to be fair, it sounds like he likes you, too.” He takes an audible breath. “I’d have to meet him, but you might have a good guy, Javi. Someone worthy of you.”
My shoulders drop, all remaining tension drawing out of my body.
I know what I need to do.
10
Bryson
It’s a struggle to draw my attention to what Demetrius is rambling about. We just finished taking showers after conditioning and are getting dressed in the locker room.
Even though I know Javi doesn’t want a relationship, it still stings. It was so easy for him to detach after the hottest sex of my life had left me shaken the fuck up.
In a weak moment, I’d asked him to stay and wrapped myself around him, not wanting to let go. I didn’t expect it, but I’d fallen asleep easily, Javi’s warm weight in my arms, his scent surrounding me.
