Page 56 of Scot of Deception
“How… how did ye get here? How did ye get in there?”
She had stayed in the same chambers every other time she had visited Fenella, and yet she had never known there was a hidden passage behind the fireplace. How could Blaine have known when she herself had no idea?
“Laird Stewart showed it tae me,” Blaine explained as he walked through the gap and dusted himself off, standing to his full height. For a moment, he looked around him before finally setting the torch down in the fireplace among the logs, which were too damp to catch fire now. And the more Kathleen looked at him, the more her surprise dissipated and was replaced by fury.
“What are ye daein’ here?” she demanded, waving the poker accusingly at him. “An’ why would Laird Stewart help ye get in me chambers like this?”
Blaine raised his hands up as if in surrender. “I only wish tae speak with ye.”
“An’ I dinnae wish tae hear anythin’ ye have tae say,” Kathleen said. There was nothing Blaine could tell her that would change the fact he had been lying to her for so long, deceiving her when he knew just how much damage he was causing. He had acted selfishly; he had lied to Kathleen again and again to get what he wanted, and he had left her not only heartbroken, but also ruined.
“I only need a few moments,” Blaine insisted, taking a few steps closer, only for Kathleen to backtrack immediately.
“Fast, afore I call the guards,” she warned him, tossing the poker aside.
It was a bluff, of course. If she called the guards, then her father would surely have Blaine hanged, and Kathleen could never live with herself if that happened. For all she didn’t want to talk to him, for all she sometimes wished she hadn’t even met him, she didn’t wish him any harm.
Blaine continued his approach and Kathleen continued her retreat in return. But Blaine was faster, grabbing her arms and pulling her close—close enough for her to lose her breath as she gazed into his green eyes.
“I cannae ask ye tae forgive me,” he said. “I cannae ever wish fer it. Ye have every right tae hate me, tae never wish tae see me again, an’ I’ll make sure ye willnae if this is what ye want. Our paths will never cross again. But afore that happens, I need ye tae ken I never expected this tae happen. However, selfishly I cannae feel sorry fer any o’ it, other than the fact that I wasnae the one tae tell ye the truth. Ye should have heard it from me. I should have been honest with ye. But never doubt I love ye an’ that I always will, even if we are apart.”
Kathleen was stunned into silence by Blaine’s words. She looked up at him, blinking in surprise at his confession, trying to swallow around the knot that grew rapidly in her throat. She didn’t want to believe any of it; she didn’t want to be drawn right back into his orbit when she was just starting to escape it.
And yet there was no escaping it, not really. Kathleen would always love him, just as he would always love her. They were far too intertwined now.
There were so many things she wanted to say to him. She could tell him how much she loved him, too, how much she wanted to be with him, how much it would pain her to lose him. But none of those thoughts materialized in the form of words.
“I dinnae think I can ever trust ye again,” Kathleen confessed instead.
It was the truth, plain and simple. And she felt the same when it came to her parents—Kathleen doubted she could ever trust them again, and she didn’t know how to move forward from that. With Blaine, it was inevitable that he would disappear from her life. With her parents, it was different. She could not avoid them. Even if she tried, she would be stuck in the same castle as them for the rest of her life if she never found a husband now.
Blaine drew a deep breath as if preparing to speak, but he made no sound at first. He dropped his gaze to the floor and began to pace back and forth before her, brimming with an anxious energy that seemed to infect her across the space between them.
“I’ll dae anythin’ tae regain yer trust,” he said after a long stretch of silence. “Anythin’. I ken it willnae be easy an’ I ken it could take a long time, but I can dae it, Kathleen. I can prove tae ye that ye can trust me.”
“How?” Kathleen asked. “How could ye ever claim that? Ye had so many chances tae tell me the truth an’ ye never did.”
“I have nae reason tae lie tae ye again,” Blaine said. “I have naethin’ tae hide anymore. Afore I felt loyalty tae yer faither.”
Kathleen desperately wished to believe him. It would be so much easier, giving in to the belief that he would never betray her again. But no matter how much she tried to convince herself, the suspicion lingered like poison in her mind.
“Ye cannae promise me that,” she said. “An’ I cannae trust it.”
Slowly, Blaine approached her, giving her enough time to pull away from him if she so desired. But Kathleen didn’t. She remained rooted to the spot and simply watched him as he reached for her hand, holding it in his own.
“Anythin’,” he said. “Name it an’ I’ll dae it.”
Kathleen didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what she could possibly request of him to make this better, and so sheremained silent. Even so, as she gazed into the deep green of Blaine’s eyes, she found herself mesmerized, unable to pull away.
So, when he kissed her, she didn’t try to fight it. She only gave in, melting into his arms.
It was a kiss that tasted of salt as Kathleen’s tears streamed down her cheeks unbridled. She couldn’t control them. She couldn’t bring herself to stop crying or kissing Blaine, so many were the emotions warring within her. On the one hand, she didn’t want to lose him. She had envisioned an entire life with him, a marriage, a family. On the other, she knew she could never have that with him, and now that she knew the truth about his origins, there would be no excuse for her to give in.
No excuse other than the fact that she desperately wanted it.
One last time. What difference will one more time make?
She couldn’t think of a better way to say goodbye to him, but knowing this was the end turned every passing moment into a lance to the heart. Never again would she be held by him, kissed by him. Never again would she hear the sweet words he liked to whisper in her ear.
