Page 58 of Scot of Deception
“But everythin’ has already changed!” Kathleen pointed out. “Everythin’ is different now.”
“It daesnae have tae be. Kathleen, I will fix this, I promise ye,” Blaine said. “Give me one chance an’ I’ll fix it.”
As much as it pained her, as much as the tears stung her eyes, Kathleen shook her head. “There is naethin’ left tae fix.”
“Then why did ye just lie with me? What did it mean tae ye?”
“It was a goodbye, Blaine.”
Silence stretched between them, heavy and suffocating. Kathleen still refused to look at him, knowing that the moment she did, she would give in against her will.
“I see,” said Blaine, and Kathleen finally heard the bed creak as he moved, followed by the sound of rustling cloth as he gathered his garments. She remained still, standing with her back to him, facing the damp logs in the fireplace instead, where the torch had already gone out. Memory washed over her. She remembered the first time she had seen those green eyes—the first time she had heard that gravelly voice. It seemed like a lifetime ago. It seemed to her like she was an entirely different person.
Blaine called her name again, and then again, but she would not turn to look at him. She couldn’t bear it. He begged her one last time to give him a chance to fix things, but she stood still and silent, her back turned to him.
Thus, he didn’t try to convince her any further. He dressed and shuffled over to the fireplace, where Kathleen had to facehim one last time. But now it was he who avoided her gaze, who rushed to push the opening in the fireplace open and step through it.
Kathleen’s voice was caught in her throat, her fingers twitching as she barely managed to stop herself from reaching for him. For a moment, Blaine paused by the entrance and her heart leapt as she began to think that maybe, just maybe, he would turn around and say something. She didn’t know what difference it could possibly make. She didn’t know if there was anything he could say that would change her mind, but she desperately wanted it.
In the end, though, he said nothing. He only pushed the hidden door shut behind him, the passageway closing with a decisive thud.
And just like that, Kathleen had to accept that it was all over.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Blaine’s heart was falling apart with every step he took.
He had to get out of that castle. He had to get as far away from Kathleen, as far away from all this as he could. The mission had left him with enough gold to keep him fed and clothed for a while. He could disappear into the mountains, far away from anyone he knew or who knew him. He could take some time for himself and come to terms with this loss, just as he had come to terms with every other loss in his life.
His footsteps, however, took him to Laird Stewart’s study, though he didn’t realize it until he was standing outside his door. Unlikely as it was, it felt as though the laird was the only ally he had in that castle, and so he didn’t know where else to go or whom else to turn to.
He knocked on the man’s door, his other hand rubbing over his eyes. Despair coiled in his chest, heavy and unbearable. Nausea gripped him, sinking its claws into his stomach, and for a moment, he had to brace himself against the door frame, trying to keep himself steady on his swaying feet.
No other separation had ever left him reeling like this. No other goodbye had been as painful, as wounding. And no other woman had captured his heart like Kathleen had, to the point that it would always belong to her in its entirety.
“Come in,” the laird called from the other side of the door, and Blaine pulled himself together with a sharp intake of breath. Nothing had ever managed to break him before—not the battles he had fought, not the lives he had taken, not the struggles of his past. This wouldn’t break him either, he decided.
Pushing the door open, Blaine bowed at Laird Stewart and approached his ornate desk. The laird gestured to him to sit, and Blaine took the plush armchair across from him, sinking into the soft leather. As he looked at the other man, it appeared to him that he had aged several years in the span of a mere hour or two. Concern dragged his lids down, weighing them, and a frown had invaded his face, as though he could never again know peace.
Whatever Blaine could tell him about himself and Kathleen would surely pale in comparison to what troubled the laird,and so he refrained from mentioning his own problems. Instead, he asked, “What is the matter?”
“Och aye,” said Laird Stewart. He sounded so weary, so defeated that Blaine could only imagine the news the scouts had brought with them and the result of the meeting had been terribly concerning. “Clan Campbell has attacked Moy Hall. It’s only a matter o’ time afore they attack here too.”
“Moy Hall?” Blaine asked, wide eyed as he leaned forward in his seat. There was no way Kathleen had found out about this yet. He could imagine her fear when it would, the panic that would surely overtake her. Her family, her loved ones, were in Moy Hall, save for her parents. And if what Laird Stewart was saying was true, then they, too, would soon be under attack. “Are there losses?”
“Aye, so it seems,” said Laird Stewart. “We received word it was a vicious fight, but the Campbells were defeated. They seemed tae have sent only a part o’ their troops there, so we think the rest are on their way here as we speak. It’s a good thing ye havenae left yet. We’ll need ye in our ranks.”
Blaine shook his head. “Nay, I am leavin’. I cannae stay here.”
“Well, ye certainly cannae leave!” said Laird Stewart with a surprised, humorless laugh. “Did ye nae hear me? They’re on their way. Ye cannae avoid them an’ they ken who ye are. They’ll capture ye afore ye can dae anythin’ about it!”
“Why would they?” Blaine asked. “I’m only a hired sword. What does it matter tae them?”
“I’m sure it matters now after the Campbells attacked ye,” said Laird Stewart. “Ye might think ye’re nae in danger, an’ ye could be right. They could let ye cross undisturbed. But what if they dinnae? Ye cannae fight an entire army on yer own.”
“Half an army by the sound o’ it.”
Laird Stewart seemed entirely unimpressed by his show of wit as he stared at him, his expression blank. Blaine tapped his fingers nervously against the armrest, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth as he turned to stare out of the window.
