Page 60 of Scot of Deception
“Nae one can fight love,” she said. “I ken ye must think the worst o’ me.”
“I would never?—”
Ilyssa held a delicate hand up to stop him. “Perhaps or perhaps nae. Either way, what I wish tae say is that I am these things because I care about me daughter. I love her more than anythin’ in this world an’ I will never let anythin’ stand between her an’ her happiness. I simply kept her as protected as I could from everythin’. That was me own mistake.”
Blaine didn’t know what to say to that, but Ilyssa didn’t seem to expect any response. She only stared wistfully over hisshoulder for a moment, as though she was looking through time itself.
“Well, that is all,” she continued. “I wish ye would have told her the truth yerself when ye started tae fall fer her. Perhaps she would have forgiven ye if ye had.”
Blaine had had the same thought several times ever since everything had fallen apart. It had been a mistake to wait. He had thought it best to finish his mission first and then reveal the truth to Kathleen, but he should have told her from the moment he realized he loved her.
It was too late now. He could not turn back time nor could he take back what he had done.
“Thank ye fer tellin’ me this,” said Blaine. He appreciated the gesture, even if it didn’t change anything. “I appreciate it. Now, if ye’ll excuse me, I think it is time fer me tae leave. I wouldnae want tae be caught outside in the dark.”
Ilyssa nodded, stepping aside for Blaine to depart. He did so without ever glancing back over his shoulder. If he did, if he happened to catch even a glimpse of Kathleen standing by her window, he didn’t think he would make it past the walls.
She’s nae standin’ there anyway, she’s nae waitin’ tae see me.
She said it herself. She wants me tae leave.
And so Blaine did, riding out of Castle Stalker and through the surrounding land in the low tide, with all hope lost, leaving everything he had ever desired behind.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Kathleen lay on her bed, fully clothed on top of the covers. It was cold in the room. She hadn’t bothered to light the fire again after Blaine left, and the few candles that were lit did nothing to warm the air around her. A draft came in through the window, but even that wasn’t enough to get her to stand and do something about it.
She desperately wished she could talk to someone, but she couldn’t bring herself to reach out to Fenella. She was supposed to be the rock for her; she was supposed to be there, in Castle Stalker, for Fenella, not the other way around. The only other person who could listen to her was her mother, but Kathleen couldn’t help but fear she wouldn’t show any support. For all her life, her mother had made it perfectly clear that she was to marry a good man from a good family, and that she had to stay pure for him. And what had Kathleen done? She had given her innocence to the first man who crossed her path, and she had come to regret it.
But I dinnae regret it, nae truly. An’ that is the worst part.
If she had the chance again, she would do everything the exact same way. She never once regretted sharing those moments with Blaine. She never once regretted being in his arms or becoming his, and even now that she had lost him, that she didn’t know how she could possibly ever trust him again, all she wanted was to see him.
Suddenly, she shot right out of bed.
She was the one who had sent him away, but now she couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing him again. She had to speak to him. She had to find him before it was too late.
Rushing out of her chambers, Kathleen made her way down the stairs, looking for any sign of Blaine or anyone who could have seen him, but no matter how many guards and how many servants she asked, none of them seemed to know where he was. It wasn’t until she asked one of the guards at the gates that she finally got her answer.
“Mr. Farquharson?” the young man asked. “He’s gone, me lady. He left earlier today.”
A pang of despair shot through Kathleen then and her knees threatened to buckle under her weight. Her heart raced in her chest. Could it truly be that he was gone forever?
“Did he say where he was headed?” she asked, desperate for any information she could get.
The guard shook his head. “Nay, nae tae us, at least.”
Slowly, Kathleen backtracked, stumbling as she walked over a patch of mud. “Thank ye,” she told the young man. “Thank ye.”
She retreated back into the keep, back into the dim light of the corridor, but she couldn’t make it to her chambers. Her legs wouldn’t take her, and she could barely keep herself steady. This would have been her last chance to try and resolve things between them, but she had thrown it away.
Kathleen took step after step towards the stables without even realizing. She didn’t have her cloak with her; she didn’t have anything but the clothes on her back, but she didn’t care. There was only one way to reach Blaine, and that was by rushing after him, using the marks he would have left as a guide. She doubted anyone else had left the castle recently; the hoof prints of his horse had to still be fresh, and Kathleen was exceptionally skilled at tracking.
Now it was only a matter of sneaking out of the castle.
“Good afternoon,” she told the stableboy as she peeked through the door of the stables. She gave the young man a charming smile, one that she knew could usually get her anything she wanted. “I was wonderin’ if I could have one o’ the horses.”
“What fer, me lady?” the stableboy asked, quickly abandoning the brush he was using to groom one of the mares. “I’m afraid nay one can leave the castle. It’s the laird’s orders.”
