Page 17 of Surrender: XXX Maxim
“I’m saying that what we had before is the kind of security I need now.” Even if I don’t know why. “I want to know the risks if my life is in danger. I want you to explain. I want a…choice.”
“Choice?” He whirls on me. “Your only choice is to stay with me or die. The bounty is on your head regardless. I cannot fix this.”
And that lack of control is consuming him like nothing else. I’ve never seen him so resigned. Except maybe once before in the face of his uncle.
Before he beat him to death with his bare hands.
“I want to stay with you,” I admit, marveling at the contrast between my voice and his. I should be the one straining, my words faltering. I should be the one trembling beneath the sheer insanity of my fate.
Slowly, I reach out and settle my hand against his forearm. He stiffens as if his first instinct is to shrug me off. I can physically feel the jolt of muscle tensing and then relaxing.
“Talk to me,” I beg. “Tell me the risks. I want that choice.”
A sound resonates low in his chest. Another laugh? I can’t tell as he inclines his head without looking in my direction. “You want that choice? Well, here it is. Anatoli ensured that I can never give you the safety I want for you. Even if I kill him, the fucking mark stands. You will never be seen as a Koslov by the people who matter. To them? You will always be a fucking whore.”
And that bothers him. More than he will admit out loud. So much is simmering beneath his surface fury, boiling over in ways he can no longer control. I suck in a breath as he faces me directly and brings his hand to my cheek, tilting my face for his inspection.
“I want more for you than that,” he swears, brushing his thumb against the corner of my mouth. “But first, I will get you and your family somewhere safe. Then I will reach out to some contacts in my network. If Anatoli wants to play this game, then we will play. Though nothing I do will really matter in the end. The family won’t move against him. Fuck!” The tension drains from him as I watch, and his lips part into a terrifying grin. “He’s won this round, I will give him that. To challenge him, I would need another Koslov. I would need…”
His fingers snatch at his chin, stroking the stubble there as he thinks. “I would need an ally who is blood. But would he… No—” He shakes his head, breaking off whatever thought he may have had. “I will make the arrangements for you to leave within the week. It’s safer, the less you know.”
“Safe?” Again, I barely recognize the woman speaking. Her voice doesn’t tremble or falter. Each clear tone resonates as strongly as his does. “I trust you,” I race to clarify before he can reply. “I do. I don’t even know why I do. But I can’t live my life being treated like... Even when I first came to you, you forced me to become a player in your game. You didn’t leave me in the dark like this.”
“Didn’t I?” A wicked, soulless smile shapes his mouth as he balances my chin on the palm of his hand. “Don’t fool yourself, little kitten. You were always a pawn.”
“Or a bullet,” I croak, shocked that I’m challenging him at all. “We were always playing Russian Roulette.”
He frowns at the comparison. Against me, his fingers twitch, part caress. Part lashing, his nails nipping deep. “And yet you still want to play?” he wonders.
“I could… If you tell me what you want from me.” I try my best to meet his stormy gaze without flinching. Maybe I succeed because he doesn’t hiss in disgust. For a second, I can glimpse a hint of the turmoil lurking beneath those dark irises. The pain. The frustration.
“What I want?” He shakes his head as a growl rips from his throat. Within a heartbeat, his entire posture changes. It’s like watching a chain on a raging, barking dog snap. He’s loose, barreling off in a random direction.
A thunderous sound echoes as he strikes the wall again. Again. Red streaks paint the surface when he withdraws, and the same liquid coats his knuckles, dripping onto the floor. Blood.
“I want to rip that bastard limb from limb. Can you give me that?” he demands. “Can you? I want to set his entire fucking empire on fire and force him to watch it burn. I want the power to destroy him! Can you give me that?”
“No,” I admit hoarsely. I sound like myself again, but when I approach him, I don’t hesitate to reach out, brushing his forearm. “I can’t. But I can give you something else.”
“Like what?” he snaps.
Lucius, in his own quiet way, gave me the answer.
“Control,” I say softly. “A release. You don’t have to keep this in—”
“Release.” His gaze cuts to me as calculating as a predator observing fresh, bleeding prey. “You want me to hurt you, littlekotyonok?” His bloodied knuckles boldly brush my cheek, daring me to flinch. “I’m more than capable of doing so. You want to get off on my anger and then run like you didn’t enjoy every fucking second of it? Maybe that is why you stay—”
“No.” I reach up and settle my fingers over his scarred, bloodied ones. They twitch at the indignation of being trapped against my skin—but he doesn’t pull away. “I want to give you what you need.”
“Sex?” His accent thickens over that single word, stressing its pronunciation. Like that, he gives it another connotation that triggers an answering shiver through my entire body.Pain.“You think that’s what I need? That I won’t hurt you? Do you think that in this moment, if you beg me to stop that I will?”
I take in his unfocused, wild stare and manic grin. A part of me whispers in horror,No. He won’t stop. He’ll go too far again. He’s insane. He’ll more than hurt me. He’ll kill me.
For an instant, I’m in that cold, terrifying room with the plastic tarp all over again, watching him brandish a knife, knowing that he’s too far gone to reach. He’s nearly as unhinged now as he was then.
Do I trust him anyway?
“Yes.” I swallow hard and meet his gaze unflinchingly. “I know you will.”
