Page 47 of Control: XXX Vadim 1
“Why on earth would you pierce yourself?” I croak, still stroking him. But he already gave me the answer, didn’t he? For control. To exert ownership over himself that no one else could. Why might he be driven to such an extreme? I shouldn’t want to know.
“I may or may not have been in my right mind,” he confesses, his eyes narrowing further with every hesitant brush of my thumb. Maybe I should stop touching him like this? I can’t seem to.
“You, on the other hand, I will treat with the utmost care,” he promises, his voice thickening, making my tongue moisten. Damn, he makes being stabbed through with a needle sound…irresistible. “I will even numb you first so that you feel no pain.”
“No pain… You pierced yourselfraw?” I blurt, my voice so loud anyone passing by could hear me. “Baby!” I cup his jaw with my free hand, forcing him to meet my gaze. He stares back blankly, as if he can’t quite decide why I care. Deep down, I don’t know why either, but the thought of him hurting himself—because that’s the only way to describe it—makes me…
Ache in ways I never have.
“Tell me why,” I whisper, running my lips over his jaw, sensing it stiffen. Then soften. “I’ll let you put as many holes in me as you want,just tell me why.”
“My feelings have changed over time,” he says carefully, his gaze growing distant. “But I would be lying if I claimed that my original goal was anything other than…mutilation.”
My heart lurches at the thought of it. Someone so lost, so tormented that driving a needle through his own penis was the only way he could regain control. Over his body. Over himself.
Voice rasping, I murmur, “Why?”
“I thought it would make me unappealing,” he confesses tonelessly. “Grotesque. That no one could derive pleasure from it. No one would ever crave it—me—honestly. I could track their intentions then. Anyone who claimed otherwise, obviously had ulterior motives. I would be on guard.”
Such a freaking man. So paranoid, he would turn his own penis into a lie detector. A faulty one at that.
Overwhelmed, I release him and twist around until I face the world looming beyond a row of full-length windows. The city stares back, cold and lifeless. Why he would choose to settle here, of all places? I can’t imagine.
Or maybe that’s the point? Denying himself of beauty and pleasure is starting to seem like his defining trait.
“That’swhy you rejected me after the first time we had sex,” I deduce out loud. “I called your cock beautiful.”
“A lie, of course,” he admits, his breath hot against my ear. “Or so I thought at the time.”
“And now?” I crane my head back, my chest tightening at how tormented he can seem in one brief moment—and then hard the next.
“I may be warming up to the idea that you have a very warped sense of attraction.”
Ass.I hiss in annoyance, but I find myself leaning into him, bracing my back against his chest, allowing his mouth the nuzzle the crook of my shoulder.
“Is that why you want to pierce me?” I wonder, almost fearing what he might say in response. “To mutilate me—”
“Never.” A growl rips from his throat, vibrating with indignation. One of his hands lands over my thigh, radiating a power that makes me feel deliciously small. At his mercy. “On you? Such adornment couldonlybe beautiful.”
He treats that word so reverently, laving it with his tongue, making me wish he would say it over and over again. Or not. His cock is pulsing against my ass, spurring an answering wetness to coat my inner thighs. Cameras or not, I can’t resist rocking against his hardness, teasing a groan from him.
“Do I have your answer?” he grates through clenched teeth.
I only need to think for a second before I’m nodding. “Yes. You can pierce me. I… Iwantyou to pierce me. But when?”
He grips my hips and gently lifts me from his lap, chuckling in a low, lethal tone. “I will pick a time most agreeable to me. I don’t think I’ll tell you, though. Not until I’m good and ready.”
“Ass!” I manage to stand on trembling legs, and he rises as well, smoothing his hands over my hips to help right my balance.
“Yes,” he murmurs while sliding his palm down to the back of my thigh. “Ass. You have a lovely one, I must say.”
My face heats, my thoughts threatening to boil once more. “Is that a compliment, Mr. Vadim?”
He doesn’t answer. His hand reluctantly leaves my ass only to capture my wrist, steering me after him down the hall and back into the office. He heads past the desk, opening a door that leads to an executive bathroom, complete with its own marble fixtures and walk-in shower.
“Impressive,” I mutter as he guides me back against a row of counters placed before a pristine mirror. He spins me to face him, and I suck in a breath at what I find when I meet his gaze.
Fire.
