Page 23 of Words I Couldn't Say
IHAD TO GET OFFthe job site.
I’d already nailed my thumb with a hammer. Nearly taken Tanner’s hand off with a circular saw. And, if I didn’t get my head out of my ass soon, I’d probably put myself out of my misery and tumble off the roof.
“You look like shit.”
I heard my brother’s gruff voice before I saw him climb the ladder. Gratefully, I accepted the bottle of water he had held out to me, took a long swig, then released a sigh.
“Thanks. I can always count on you for a boost in confidence,” I said, running a hand through my damp hair.
He grinned then took a seat next to me. “Manning Construction,” he replied, waving his arm out towards the trailer that held our family business name. “Who’d have thought it’d be just us?”
Pain sliced through me at the memory of my dad and the day he’d purchased that trailer. Sure, I’d never had a desire to follow in his footsteps, but I’d still felt a sense of pride when he’d placed an arm around my shoulder and told me that I’d be his legacy. I never thought I’d become just that, but there I was, tool belt and all.
“You know, I’m old enough to take over, Tucker. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. I can take care of myself.”
“You graduated three months ago. You think you can take over the business now?” I scoffed.
“You did,” he pointed out. Then he tilted his head, eyeing me strangely. “I know you never wanted this. And I gotta admit I’m surprised you’ve been as successful as you have been.”
“Dad had everything set up. I just stepped in and kept it going,” I replied, not mentioning all the sleepless nights I’d had when I’d become CEO of Manning Construction. “Plus, failure wasn’t an option. I had mouths to feed.”
“And, now, you don’t. You can go back to school if you want. You can go to California, follow your dreams. You can find her,” he said, not for the first time in the past five years. “I know how much Ava meant to you. How much it hurt when she left. And I can’t help but feel partly responsible for that. If it hadn’t been for me, you never would’ve stayed here.”
“Don’t go there, buddy. What happened between Ava and me is solely on us. Not you. You’re my brother, and as much as you piss me off, I love you.”
“Still…”
“Leave it alone, Tanner.” My voice was gruffer than I’d intended, and I was lying through my teeth.
The thing was that I couldn’t tell him that I’d set things in motion for Ava’s return. I couldn’t tell him that I’d demanded Ava play Abigail, even though I was sure he’d figure it out. No, I’d shared that truth only with Jeremy. Everyone else could just wonder. Because, while my heart wanted to believe she’d return, hear my words, and let them be enough, the rational part of my mind constantly reminded me that, before, I hadn’t been enough. My words hadn’t been enough. And, this time, I still wasn’t sure it was possible to change her mind.
But I’d do anything in my power to do so.
After hours of tossing and turning, I gave up on sleep altogether. I tried working on my newest novel idea, but all words were lost to me. Instead, I grabbed my favorite copy ofCyrano de Bergerac, but not even that could keep my mind from wandering. And my eyes from doing the same, landing on the bedroom window of the girl who’d held my heart from the very moment it had begun beating. The girl I’d loved more than life, who had walked away from me when I’d needed her the most.
The girl I hadn’t seen in over five years but would soon be crashing into my world. I wasn’t sure if my heart could handle her nearness, but I wanted it. Craved it. It’d been five long years since Ava had left Cincinnati, and I was finally in a place where we could be together. No obstacles. You know, other than the giant hurdle I had to jump over just to get her to talk to me. But I would do it. It’d be my one last-ditch effort to see if she still felt the same.
Would she care that I was T.A. Bankman? Would she get the connection when she readThose Three Words? Would she be pissed that I’d demanded she, and no one else, play the role of young Abigail?
Did I care?
Not in the least. Not if it meant she’d be back. Not if it meant I had one last chance to live my life to the fullest with the only woman who’d ever held my heart. Because, over the past few years, I’d learned that life isn’t worth living alone. Life isn’t worth living without the one you love the most. Ava was that woman for me, and now that Tanner was of age, I had nothing stopping me from bringing her back to me. I just had to wonder: Would it work? Or would I crash and burn once again, only forever this time?
It didn’t matter. I wasn’t the scared, grieving eighteen-year-old idiot who’d pushed the love of his life away. I’d do whatever it would take to prove to Ava that our love was worth it. Five years and thousands of miles apart had done nothing to squash my feelings for her. If anything, the longing made my heart yearn for her even more than I had before she’d blown me away with that first kiss.
I just had to make her believe it.
At the same time, I had to push past my fear. Sure, I’d made this play, this grand gesture in hopes that she’d return to me, but that didn’t mean I didn’t have my doubts. What if I let her back in only for her to rip my heart out again? What if she’d moved on and all I was was the guy she once loved? What if I was her past and she didn’t see me as her future?
Those questions had haunted me throughout the entire book-writing process. They’d haunted me when I’d insisted she play the part. They’d haunted me when Jeremy had informed me that she would be home soon and it was time to make my move. The terror of the unknown had so often had me in its clutches over the past five years, and now that I was up to the plate, some deep-down part of me wasn’t sure this was all worth the risk.
But then I remembered her smile. Her touch. Her kiss. I remembered everything, and no matter how much pain it would take, I would endure it if it meant she was my endgame.
That didn’t mean it was going to be easy.
