Page 29 of Words I Couldn't Say
AS MUCH ASILOVEJeremy Banks—and I love the guy a lot because he’s like my second dad—I could have killed him for ruining that moment between Ava and me. She’d been so close to kissing me before he interrupted.
It’d knocked me off-balance, so I’d let Little Bird slip. The moment I had, her eyes had cleared of tears and rounded in sudden recognition. That’s when I knew that Ava had read Trevor and Abigail’s story. Or at least the screenplay. That’s when she realized I was the man behind the pen name.
The awestruck look in her eyes let me know I’d done the right thing. Initially, I hadn’t wanted her to know. I hadn’t wanted anyone to know. Sure, it’d been labeled fiction, but that didn’t change the fact that I’d laid myself bare in front of the entire world when I’d written that book. Through endless nights, thousands of cups of coffee, and—I’m man enough to admit—a few tears along the way, I’d sat at my kitchen table, pouring my heart, my soul, and every piece of myself into that book.
It had all been for her. And she knew it now. I just had to wait—and wonder—to see what she’d do about it.
Sometimes, I wished I could go back and change everything. I wished I could’ve been just like her dad. Been the man she’d needed me to be and gone on to California. But, for all my wishing, I knew I had done the right thing by staying. I had no doubt Jeremy and Sierra would’ve taken Tanner in, but I couldn’t leave him. Not after we’d already lost our parents. We were all the other had, so I knew, without question, I would stay in Cincinnati until he was out of school.
Still, so many nights in the last five years, I’d wondered what would have happened if I had gone to California with Ava as I’d planned.
You see, Ava was only three days older than I was. Our parents had been neighbors—and friends—so when we had been born in the same week, our moms had thought it was fate. I would later come to believe the same. We were inseparable. Two peas in a pod that would never be shelled. She was the Bonnie to my Clyde, except in our case, she was usually the troublemaker and I was the one always along for the ride. To put it plainly, Ava secured a place in my heart from an early age, and as time passed and she blossomed into a young woman as beautiful and enchanting as her personality, it was inevitable. I was a goner for her.
Throughout high school, however, Ava never gave any indication that she wanted anything more than a friendship. Sure, she didn’t act like she was my sister, and there were times I swear I caught her watching closely out of the corner of her eye, but I was cautious. Cowardly, I guess, but the last thing I wanted to do was ruin our friendship if my love was unrequited.
Turned out I had nothing to worry about.
As long as I lived, I’d never forget the way my heart hammered when Ava hunched up her dress and stomped across the gym towards me. She was breathtaking in her formal dress, and I’d been mentally berating myself all night for not having had the guts to ask her to be my date to our senior prom. Sure, she was there with Ian, who was in the closet, but it wasn’t any consolation for the fact that she wasn’t on my arm. In my arms.
But the determined look on her face as she headed towards me had my mouth watering and my heart soaring with hope. I’d always remember the way Jeremy’s gaze darted back and forth between us before he slapped me on the shoulder.
“Should’ve known my girl would be the first to pull the trigger.”
He stepped out of the way just in time for Ava to grip my tie, yank my head down to hers, and kiss me with everything she had.
At first, I was too stunned, too amazed to return the favor, but when her tongue slipped into my mouth, I was blown away. Hesitancy shifted to passion, and if we stayed in that gym, I was going to embarrass myself. And possibly get beaten up by her dad.
More than her kisses, I wanted her words. They say actions speak louder than words, and it’s true. Ava’s actions were absolutely speaking to me, but after years of yearning for her, I wanted to know what exactly that kiss meant.
Somehow, I found the strength to tear my lips away from hers. It was no small feat. My mouth was rubber cement to her paper lips—prying them off was the worst hardship.
Jeremy and Sierra called after us, but I didn’t care. I had to get Ava out of that gym.
My heart was jack-hammering in my chest as I led her outside, not stopping until we were at the back of my truck. Her mouth opened but promptly shut when my hands gripped her tiny waist and I lifted her up to sit on the tailgate. I set my palms on both sides of her, effectively boxing her. The soft expression in her eyes told me she wasn’t going anywhere. Not that I’d have allowed it.
Instead, I leaned in close and brushed her lips with mine.
I could recall the night with vivid clarity. Ava’s admitting she was in love with me. The soaring in my heart when she gave me those words. The elation on her face when I returned them.
That night was the kick-off to an incredible summer. From that first kiss to our very last, Ava and I were more than inseparable. We were connected in almost every way possible, and I was so close to getting that final connection when we found out the tragic news.
One kiss had changed everything.
And then one night turned our worlds upside down.
What Ava didn’t know, though, was that, by her returning, our world was shifting back into its rightful place, and I would do anything in my power to ensure I tilted our axis until we were spinning freely again.
Most people would probably think I was crazy. How can you love someone who broke your heart and left it shattered into tiny shards that pierced your soul and caused you to bleed for the five years she was away?
The truth is…when you love someone to the point that you would rather bleed than put yourself back together again, there is no question. You love her. You continue to love her. And you pray like hell that she’ll one day love you enough to return.
Because I was, straight to the core, a one-woman man. From the moment I watched her car, all packed up and prepared to drive across the country, I knew that it was true. I vowed then and there: I’d see Tanner through high school. I’d see him through the grief and the growing pains and the girls and the homework, seeing to it he knew the business and graduated with honors in order to get into a good school. Then the first thing I would do was go after Ava.
And that’s exactly what I did, even if it was in an unconventional way.
My gamble had paid off. Ava had come back to me.
So, no, I wasn’t going to walk away. I wasn’t going to make her regret having left me. I was going to work my ass off, make her remember how good we were together. I was going to show her how no man would ever love her as wholly, as ultimately, as unconditionally, and as passionately as I could. As I still did.
Because Ava Banks had been and would always be the one true love of my life. No one else would ever compare. I wouldn’t even begin to let them try.
My life would be lived either with Ava by my side or completely alone.
I hoped beyond hope the latter wasn’t the outcome.
