Page 33 of Words I Couldn't Say
I clutched my chest over my racing heart and tried willing myself to calm down. “Jesus, Tucker, you scared me! Even though I’ve read this at least twelve times, I was still so lost in the story I didn’t even hear you approach.”
“I was sitting on the back deck when you slipped out of your house. I called to you, but you seemed like you were on a mission. You’ve been out here for nearly three hours. I wanted to check in on you. Make sure everything was okay.”
“Couldn’t sleep,” I admitted, to which he nodded.
“I know the feeling all too well.”
I held my copy of the screenplay up and gestured towards him. “I’m still kind of in shock. I can’t believe you wrote this, Tucker. I mean, I always knew you had a way with words, but this? This book took my breath away. Knowing you wrote it…Well, that leaves me just as breathless.”
He offered a simple shrug. “I hadn’t ever planned on writing a romance novel. But, once I put pen to paper, the words just flew out. It was kind of like therapy, channeling my grief into my writing. It might sound like a cliché, but Trevor and Abby became a part of me. They were always in my head, begging for their story to be told. Even still, I never expected it to do as well as it did. It’s been a bit of a whirlwind, with the movie deal and everything.”
A thought swiftly rose, bringing bile with it.
“Are you the reason I was cast?” I asked, unsure of how I’d feel about that bit of nepotism.
He shifted, seemingly uncomfortable. “The studio asked if I envisioned anyone for Abigail. Since you are my Abigail, I naturally told them I wanted you. But it was your acting ability that got them to agree.”
I barely heard what he was saying. “I’m your Abigail?” I asked.
Tucker didn’t answer right away. Instead, he rose and paced around the tree house, his fingers tracing the woodwork carving that showcased our young love. After he completed the heart, he turned to me, his expression tender. He rested against the wall, folding his arms, studying me as I waited for his response.
“Ava, why do you think Trevor calls her Little Bird?”
My gaze flicked to the heart carving and our initials. I blinked as it registered. He’d been sending me a message, and I had been too dense to get it.
T. A. Bank. Man.
Tucker Ava Banks Manning. God, how had I missed it?
We’d only been reacquainted for a day, yet it was as if we’d spent no time apart at all. Sitting there, in that tree house, the place where we’d been happiest, the place where it’d all come crashing down, seemed fitting for what I had to say to him. I never imagined it’d happen this rapidly, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore. He had to know how I felt.
When my gaze returned to where he was standing, he was no longer looking at me. His eyes were also now locking in on the heart.
“Tucker, will you look at me?” My tone was quiet, but it still came out as a desperate, whispered plea.
It was enough to catch his attention. He tilted his head and studied me, his expression tense while he waited for what I was going to say. The way his eyes blazed with either fury or desire, it was evident that his mind, too, had wandered. Only, I wasn’t sure what it meant. I rose and closed the distance between us. Upon taking his hand, I linked our fingers and brought our joined hands to my chest.
“Words will never be enough to tell you how sorry I am for leaving the way I did.”
“Ava,” he murmured, but I shook my head to silence him.
“I mean it. From the very depths of my heart. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Asking for your forgiveness when I know I don’t deserve it? That ranks right up there with it. But it’s true, Tucker. I’m so sorry. If I could turn back time, I would. I was a coward, and in pushing you away, I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. I lost you. I lost myself. I’ll never be able to apologize enough.”
His lips curved into a small smile that didn’t even come remotely close to reaching his eyes. He squeezed my fingers, but I held tight, not letting him let go even if he wanted to.
“We can’t change the past,” he said. “If we could, my parents would’ve never been on that boat. You would’ve left and I’d have been there with you. But that’s not reality. I was angry for a long time, but over time, I learned a few lessons. One of the most important is that there’s nothing gained in regret. Nothing gained in wishing we could change our pasts. We wouldn’t be who we are today if we hadn’t made the decisions we did back then.” He stifled a yawn. Then he reluctantly loosened our hands and reclaimed his fingers. “I better get some sleep or I’ll cut a finger off in the morning on the job site.”
I nodded and mutely followed him down the ladder, wanting to say more and definitely not wanting the night to end. However, without knowing where we stood or how he still felt, I didn’t want to push the issue of us. At least, not yet.
My breath caught when he placed a hand on the small of my back and held it there the entire way towards our homes, only dropping it when we reached my back door. I was about to say goodnight when he beat me to the punch.
“For what it’s worth? I forgave you a long time ago. And I missed you. So fucking much.”
His hoarse admission was so unexpected that it rendered me speechless. Tucker capitalized on my loss of words by leaning down, coming dangerously close to my face. Apparently, that was his intent, because seconds later, his lips brushed mine ever so gently. The contact was so incredibly light, yet it sparked a fierce electricity within me that had lain dormant for so long. When he withdrew all too soon, it didn’t matter. That one light kiss was enough to warm me down to the deepest part of my soul.
“Goodnight, Little Bird.”
Then he disappeared into the darkness of his house, leaving me regretful of the past but cautiously optimistic for the future.
